Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were together for 10 years and married for 6.5. We struggled for the last 3 (and periods before that). It's now been done with no hope for over a year. And we've been divorced for 7 months.

Yes but your kid has not been struggling for the past 3 years. In fact, he had a nice little family life that was dependable and stable. He was happy. Then poof! it's all gone. And he shuttles back and forth between homes, holidays are split up, and all he really wants is for you and his mom to live in the same house again so that he can feel safe and secure and he can just live at his house.

Nice. Now go for a walk down the middle lanes of 495.

Why? Bc divorce sucks for kids? Watching my friends divorce and seeing what happened to their kids afterwards was really sad.

Your friends' divorce sucked for their kids. That is not universally true. If you're the PP who projected A TON of issues onto a child you've never met who you know almost nothing about ("all he really wants..."), you really have no business speculating about other people's feelings, unless you're quoting them directly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were together for 10 years and married for 6.5. We struggled for the last 3 (and periods before that). It's now been done with no hope for over a year. And we've been divorced for 7 months.

Yes but your kid has not been struggling for the past 3 years. In fact, he had a nice little family life that was dependable and stable. He was happy. Then poof! it's all gone. And he shuttles back and forth between homes, holidays are split up, and all he really wants is for you and his mom to live in the same house again so that he can feel safe and secure and he can just live at his house.

You are obviously a person who lacks any kind of empathy and who did not read the original post.

And you are a person who obviously prefers to look at things only from the easy, adult point-of-view.

You have no idea how happy or stable OP's son was before the divorce. Making assumptions and molding the narrative to prove your point, particularly to someone who is unhappy about his situation and can do absolutely nothing to change it, is a jerk move. And, as PP stated, completely lacking empathy.

You can date - just please don't involve your kid.

Don't introduce you kid and make the kid's life more complicated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were together for 10 years and married for 6.5. We struggled for the last 3 (and periods before that). It's now been done with no hope for over a year. And we've been divorced for 7 months.

Yes but your kid has not been struggling for the past 3 years. In fact, he had a nice little family life that was dependable and stable. He was happy. Then poof! it's all gone. And he shuttles back and forth between homes, holidays are split up, and all he really wants is for you and his mom to live in the same house again so that he can feel safe and secure and he can just live at his house.

Nice. Now go for a walk down the middle lanes of 495.

Why? Bc divorce sucks for kids? Watching my friends divorce and seeing what happened to their kids afterwards was really sad.

Then go and be a good support to your friends and their kids. Doesn't have anything to do with the OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were together for 10 years and married for 6.5. We struggled for the last 3 (and periods before that). It's now been done with no hope for over a year. And we've been divorced for 7 months.

Yes but your kid has not been struggling for the past 3 years. In fact, he had a nice little family life that was dependable and stable. He was happy. Then poof! it's all gone. And he shuttles back and forth between homes, holidays are split up, and all he really wants is for you and his mom to live in the same house again so that he can feel safe and secure and he can just live at his house.

Nice. Now go for a walk down the middle lanes of 495.

Why? Bc divorce sucks for kids? Watching my friends divorce and seeing what happened to their kids afterwards was really sad.

This is true.

On the other hand, why should OP have to swear a vow of celibacy because his wife chose to leave the marriage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were together for 10 years and married for 6.5. We struggled for the last 3 (and periods before that). It's now been done with no hope for over a year. And we've been divorced for 7 months.

Yes but your kid has not been struggling for the past 3 years. In fact, he had a nice little family life that was dependable and stable. He was happy. Then poof! it's all gone. And he shuttles back and forth between homes, holidays are split up, and all he really wants is for you and his mom to live in the same house again so that he can feel safe and secure and he can just live at his house.

Nice. Now go for a walk down the middle lanes of 495.

Why? Bc divorce sucks for kids? Watching my friends divorce and seeing what happened to their kids afterwards was really sad.

Op here. I have been dating since my divorce and have had a variety of challenges with that. I have not introduced any dates to my son. I had a long-time female friend over for dinner once and he asked if she was my girlfriend. I said no. My questions were primarily rhetorical, to address some of the things I read in similar threads. But I have also really appreciated people's advice and perspectives. And I am seeing a therapist, not as much for why my marriage failed, but how best to move on.

If you get flamed by everyone on here, who really cares OP?? In all honesty, I wouldn't put much weight on a bunch of strangers online, myself included!

It sounds to me as if you did everything to save your union, you didn't just make a snap decision one day that you wanted out. You tried to salvage your marriage in every way possible, but it just wasn't meant to be. And you shouldn't have to apologize for any of that. You did your personal best and you can look in the mirror knowing that you are not a quitter.

As for dating, if you want to date, then go ahead and knock yourself out.

No one has any right to give another person a timeline on when they should or should not go out with other people. You are a grown adult, one who has already been reared by a parent, it is now entirely up to YOU to decide how you want to live your life.

Parents can get lonely too, a child cannot replace the sort of companionship and affection that adults need. I see no issue in dating people if you are in the middle of a divorce.

To each his own obviously.

OP, I have not read the replies so someone may have already said this. My take is that yours is a situation where you had little to no choice and are doing the best you can with a bad situation. I don't think you should lose any sleep over this. And the fact that you're worrying so much about it tells me that you need to work through this.

Which is why I suggest therapy. You need to think through your decisions and actions, make sure you are making good decisions, and then own them. I think talking through this with a therapist would do you a world of good.

Don't let the negative posters on here get to you. Just read, shake your head at their lack of empathy and inability to understand that everyone else's life is not exactly like theirs, and move on with your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were together for 10 years and married for 6.5. We struggled for the last 3 (and periods before that). It's now been done with no hope for over a year. And we've been divorced for 7 months.

Yes but your kid has not been struggling for the past 3 years. In fact, he had a nice little family life that was dependable and stable. He was happy. Then poof! it's all gone. And he shuttles back and forth between homes, holidays are split up, and all he really wants is for you and his mom to live in the same house again so that he can feel safe and secure and he can just live at his house.

You are obviously a person who lacks any kind of empathy and who did not read the original post.

And you are a person who obviously prefers to look at things only from the easy, adult point-of-view.

I am a single mom of a 5.5yo. My ex, while not yet married, has been in a longterm relationship with the same woman for years and is great with DD. My little one WANTS me to get married. At age 4, it came up regularly. She wants siblings and she thinks I should have a husband like most of her friends. I find it laughable that kids are always destroyed by divorce. I really wish my parents had divorced sooner. My perception for years was that marriage is a bum deal for women. My mom and I discussed it years post-divorce and she said she stayed for us kids. My parents got along better once they were apart.

To date, DD has not been introduced to anyone I've dated.

OP, I feel for you as you are definitely hurting and trying to get back to having some kind of normal existence. Unless you decide to live in a cave, you will find love again, although it is never easy.

Take it a day at a time - some will be better than others. You sound like a good man as you are prioritizing your child instead of endlessly chasing skirts.

Peace

Good God man. You are divorced, not dead. Date when you feel timing is right for you and your DC. No drama.

Oops "....plans always work out.."