I would have picked up the whole tab for my DH back when we were dating and he made a quarter of what I made (he was law student at the time, only made $ as a summer intern).

I don't get why people are in these weirdly unequal relationships and don't see fit to share their largesse if they are the higher-earning member of the couple, unless they aren't serious and they don't want to sink more money than they absolutely have to into doing things with someone they aren't into. That's my guess for what's happening here. It's not like the guy is making $100K and the woman is making $80K. It's hugely unequal and it's a shared event (despite it being for her relatives). I'd definitely pay. That he wouldn't just offer to smacks of him not really committing to this relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thirty something man and woman dating for 1.5 years, discussing marriage.

Woman has a family member getting married. Costs are airfare, hotel, and car rental.

Woman makes 50,000. Man makes 500,000. How should travelling costs be split? Should the woman pay for everything or maybe everything but the mans flight, since it is her family? Or should the man pay for more since he makes so much more?

If you took all income and relationship history information out of the scenario, I would say they should each pay for their own clothes and flights (after all, those are added costs from him deciding to come along), she pays for the hotel room and the gift (because she'd have to incur those costs either way).

But since we do have income and relationship information, I'll say that if they are talking marriage but he's still so thoroughly bean-counting that he doesn't want to pay a penny more than he technically has to for this trip, even though he makes 10 times what she does, they shouldn't get married.

I don't think the OP has said anything about him refusing to pay. Sounds to me like he's paid his own airfare, and the hotel is currently reserved on her card, and that's it right now. I think she's asking what people think would be appropriate. Nothing she's said so far suggests that he's "thoroughly bean counting."

But as others have said, I think airfare aside the rest should be her own expense unless he offers to pay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thirty something man and woman dating for 1.5 years, discussing marriage.

Woman has a family member getting married. Costs are airfare, hotel, and car rental.

Woman makes 50,000. Man makes 500,000. How should travelling costs be split? Should the woman pay for everything or maybe everything but the mans flight, since it is her family? Or should the man pay for more since he makes so much more?

If you took all income and relationship history information out of the scenario, I would say they should each pay for their own clothes and flights (after all, those are added costs from him deciding to come along), she pays for the hotel room and the gift (because she'd have to incur those costs either way).

But since we do have income and relationship information, I'll say that if they are talking marriage but he's still so thoroughly bean-counting that he doesn't want to pay a penny more than he technically has to for this trip, even though he makes 10 times what she does, they shouldn't get married.

+1,000,000

Anonymous wrote:How good looking are you? Most men making $500,000 are willing to pick up the entire tab.

Here come the haters.... but I'm right!

The answer? Not very.

How good looking are you? Most men making $500,000 are willing to pick up the entire tab.

Here come the haters.... but I'm right!

Anonymous wrote:the man duh

Screw you

OP, He's covered his airfare. I think that's fair.

From this point you should assume that you're covering the other costs. If he offers to help you should certainly accept it. But it's really your responsibility. That he makes more than you is not relevant and you only added that to try and swing the jury in your favor. If you were engaged I'd see it differently. But you're not.

Anonymous wrote:I'd think she should pay for what she'd pay anyway. Her own airfare, the hotel, car and gift. He can pay his own airfare. Note I say this primarily because it appears she doesn't make much money and this trip is likely a stretch already for her. If she were better positioned, I'd think it would be nice for her to pay for everything, but I'd imagine that could be rough.

If she can't afford it, how about...(gasp)...not going? Oh that's right, this is about her getting HIM to pay for it.

If you went on your own, you would bay for your flight, hotel and car rental, right. I think you should pay for everything you would pay for anyways. He can pay for his flight. I think this is fair. If he offers to pay for the car, that would be nice but unnecessary. I'm sure he has invited you on trips and paid for everything, right. Now it's your turn since it is your event.

Anonymous wrote:I'd say the relationship should be dissolved. Arguing about who is going to pay for a wedding after 1.5 years of dating, especially when one person is making so much more than the other, either screams a penny-pinching man or a gold-digger woman. Yuck, what gross people on both sides.

Yeah, this is basically her trolling DCUM in hopes everyone will say he should pay for her trip since he makes 10x what she does.

Anonymous wrote:Thirty something man and woman dating for 1.5 years, discussing marriage.

Woman has a family member getting married. Costs are airfare, hotel, and car rental.

Woman makes 50,000. Man makes 500,000. How should travelling costs be split? Should the woman pay for everything or maybe everything but the mans flight, since it is her family? Or should the man pay for more since he makes so much more?

You are a 30 something woman making $50k? Get a better job, loser.

OP, which are you in this relationship? I guess in theory the woman should offer to pay if she wants the boyfriend to join her. But hopefully the guy would offer to pay for at least his own flight of he makes 10x as much. Not that he should be obligated, but if the couple is considering getting married, hopefully he would be generous and start thinking of things as their money, not just his and hers.


My DH and I had been together about 4 months when one of his best friends graciously extended the invitation to his wedding to me (DH had been invited and responded for himself when we had just started dating). He had already booked flights and hotels, I paid for my own flight. A year later, he paid for both of us to go to my family's reunion across the country, I was a law student and he was a lawyer, I couldn't have afforded to go otherwise. Of course he didn't have to pay, but we wanted to get married and it was important to me and he wanted to meet my family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think she should pay for what she'd pay anyway. Her own airfare, the hotel, car and gift. He can pay his own airfare. Note I say this primarily because it appears she doesn't make much money and this trip is likely a stretch already for her. If she were better positioned, I'd think it would be nice for her to pay for everything, but I'd imagine that could be rough.

+1 to all of this.

+2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think she should pay for what she'd pay anyway. Her own airfare, the hotel, car and gift. He can pay his own airfare. Note I say this primarily because it appears she doesn't make much money and this trip is likely a stretch already for her. If she were better positioned, I'd think it would be nice for her to pay for everything, but I'd imagine that could be rough.

Sounds like that's the issue on the table. He's already paid his own airfare. OP seems to think that he should spring for hotel and rental car as well, or at least split it.

Op here. I don't know actually. That's why I asked, wondering how others would divide this.

Anonymous wrote:I'd think she should pay for what she'd pay anyway. Her own airfare, the hotel, car and gift. He can pay his own airfare. Note I say this primarily because it appears she doesn't make much money and this trip is likely a stretch already for her. If she were better positioned, I'd think it would be nice for her to pay for everything, but I'd imagine that could be rough.

+1 to all of this.