Anonymous wrote:MIL doesn't like my kids, or really any kids. She should have never had them herself. She owns a sign that says 'unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy' and put it up in her living room. Not even kidding.

Yeah my pediatrician's office has that sign.

My parents raised 2 fairly quiet girls, and now we each have high energy but "good" boys. It took a while for my dad to not glare or yell when the kids got "wild". My sister's kids are older than mine and my dad was very gruff for a while with them, because he had a hard time adjusting to the noise and mess.

My sister's now 12 year old son has out grown the wild and cranky little kid stage that happens especially amongst large groups and unfamiliar settings or late at night. He is sweet and polite.

My now 4 yo boy is starting to slowly get better in restaurants or past bed time. My dad has had to get used to these phases, and even with my 4 year old, my dad can take his nature walks because he has finallllly learned that 4 year olds have their own pace, and like to stop to climb boulder or throw rocks into the lake. It's not the quiet qirl relationship like when my sister and I were little, and it took him a few years to accept a different kind of kid.

Give him time, and work with him to the middle ground, like taking those hikes but building in time for climbing and digging. I never thought my dad would turn around like that, but in the time from my nephew to my son, my dad figured it out.

Anonymous wrote:I have to ask an honest question and forget for a second that your his mother. Would an outside person looking in find that your son is a pain in the butt and maybe isn't disciplined enough? Out of control maybe more then would be expected for his age?

I love most kids but to be honest, once in awhile you run into children that are complete monsters and you don't wish to be around them. I think we all have seen this before. I realize that a Grandfather should look past this but maybe it's that bad. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, just looking at a possible reason.

As a 3rd grade teacher I can totally understand this question. In every class I've had, there is always at least one child that is uncontrollable and frankly a pain in the butt. Usually caused by the parents parental skills and values. I have always treated these children properly and with respect but it can be challenging. Every teacher I know has had this same issue.

I have no idea if this relates to your issue but it's something worth looking in a mirror at.

Anonymous wrote:I have to ask an honest question and forget for a second that your his mother. Would an outside person looking in find that your son is a pain in the butt and maybe isn't disciplined enough? Out of control maybe more then would be expected for his age?

I love most kids but to be honest, once in awhile you run into children that are complete monsters and you don't wish to be around them. I think we all have seen this before. I realize that a Grandfather should look past this but maybe it's that bad. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, just looking at a possible reason.

It's possible that he's a pain in the butt, or maybe her dad really just doesn't like kids. My FIL has said openly he doesn't like kids for years, before there were any grandchildren.

My dad is an emotional black hole. When he visits (hasn't for years now) he is on his laptop or phone the whole time, occasionally interjecting a slightly mean-spirited joke. Bummer for us OP!

Anonymous wrote:MIL doesn't like my kids, or really any kids. She should have never had them herself. She owns a sign that says 'unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy' and put it up in her living room. Not even kidding.

You are using this sign to support the proposition that she hates kids? You know it's a joke, right?

It took my dad 7 years to like my younger DC. They're fine now.

Anonymous wrote:I have to ask an honest question and forget for a second that your his mother. Would an outside person looking in find that your son is a pain in the butt and maybe isn't disciplined enough? Out of control maybe more then would be expected for his age?

I love most kids but to be honest, once in awhile you run into children that are complete monsters and you don't wish to be around them. I think we all have seen this before. I realize that a Grandfather should look past this but maybe it's that bad. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, just looking at a possible reason.

Same way you run into adults who are totally unable to accept the bell curve of life and realize that some children are more intense and rambunctious than others, but with time and adult support (rather than condemnation) they will turn out as normal as everyone else. Have you ever had an adult guest jump on your couch?

MIL doesn't like my kids, or really any kids. She should have never had them herself. She owns a sign that says 'unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy' and put it up in her living room. Not even kidding.

I have to ask an honest question and forget for a second that your his mother. Would an outside person looking in find that your son is a pain in the butt and maybe isn't disciplined enough? Out of control maybe more then would be expected for his age?

I love most kids but to be honest, once in awhile you run into children that are complete monsters and you don't wish to be around them. I think we all have seen this before. I realize that a Grandfather should look past this but maybe it's that bad. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, just looking at a possible reason.

Echoing the poster above. My son, now almost 15, was difficult to deal with as a smaller kid. My parents, who had never had boys, were clueless around him. And they were unused to kids generally. But the situation has only improved as he has gotten older.

Well, as someone who's kids are now 13 and 10, I can tell you they are very different now from their 5 year old selves. I don't particularly like little kids myself, I don't know what to do with them if they aren't mine so I can understand how your dad might feel. I wouldn't write it off yet that they won't have a relationship.

It's great that everyone is so understanding about your dad but op your first job is to protect your child. It sounds like your father has unrealistic expectations about the expected behavior of a 5 year old. I wouldn't push the relationship much since your father wants your child to exist on his terms. I'm sorry this is the hand you were dealt. As previous posters have said, maybe in the future... I would be around dad much, much less.

This. I would make visits shorter, with more child-breaks for your dad. I'd also address it, sympathetically: "We know DS is fairly high-energy and that seems to wear on you. DH is planning on taking him to the playground this afternoon to tire him out some. I'd love to go for a walk/take you to lunch/go see a movie if you're up for it." Then you and dad can still have some quality, adult time.

Are you sure it might not just be that your dad isn't used to being around kids anymore? My parents also live far away, and whenever we see them, I can tell it's a HUGE shock and adjustment for them to consider all of the crazy things a young child does, thinks, says, needs, etc.

Older people may have a harder time dealing with new things, and if they are feeling exhausted or not great in terms of health, they may simply seek to simplify things as much as possible, snapping about a mistaken thing that was spilled or wishing a child would just "calm down" and "be quiet" for a while.

I'm sure your son really is different from you as a child, but I'm just saying that the situation might not be entirely what you think. It's possible your dad just doesn't know how to act with a kid like this and/or is out of practice being around young children.

Your situation sounds similar to ours. Our son was very "energetic" at 5. One summer we had an awful visit to my FIL's house. He said some very negative things about our son, which were partly true, but also showed his lack of understanding of children. We were very angry for a while. Now that DS is 8 they have a much better relationship. He is still a high energy boy but understands rules and people much better. He knows which grandparents he can run around with and which ones he can't. He enjoys hearing my FIL's stories. We also make sure we don't stay too many nights so the trips are enjoyable for everyone and the children don't become too much for him.