Anonymous
Post 07/23/2015 18:51     Subject: What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
OP, you need to make it short and sweet, if you find it difficult to have the conversation. "(MIL), I just want to thank you for having your son, you did an amazing job; you are both wonderful human beings."

Wish I could say the same of my MIL
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2015 15:55     Subject: Re:What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
You can never tell someone that they are loved or appreciated too often, and they will never begrudge you for it or for crying. I've lost folks in a way that didn't permit goodbye as you have, and in a way that did. Death with time to say goodbye almost requires you, so to speak, to say what needs to be said while there is time to avoid squandering the opportunity. It honors the death in a way and makes the grieving process a lot easier. I told my MIL basically what you told yours, and she was moved and said a lot of sweet things in response that meant a lot to me and I think made her happy to share.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2015 15:44     Subject: What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL has terminal lung cancer and only has several months left. She lives in a different state and we have been visiting her every month not knowing when she will take a turn for the worse, but I never know what to say to her when we leave or even while we are there. Both DH and I just say "hang in there". We aren't all that close (as in I've never really considered her my second mother) but she has become part of my family and her eventual passing is hitting be harder than I thought it would especially after losing both my parents within the past 5 years.

I really want to tell her that she raised a wonderful son and that we all love her very much, etc. but it just seems so hard and I never know when the appropriate time is to do this is and I'm worried that I might lose my chance to let her know how much she means me and our family. I'm not even sure I can say these words to her without choking up myself.

It was very different when my parents passed - my father from Alzheimer's so I never go the chance to say anything to him at the end, and my mother's passing was much quicker but she was incoherent the last week when we realized it was the end for her so this is all new to me.

Anyone have any words of advice or words of wisdom?





Please get over your hesitation and tell her this, then (what I've bolded above). Just do it. You won't regret it and you'll give her a measure of peace. If you can do a good thing at this time, do it. If you choke up, no matter. That's fine. These are emotional times, but nothing to be afraid of. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to my grandmother and I wish I had the chance to tell her what she meant to me.



Absolutely, OP! Just do it. You will never regret having shared this gratitude. Solace. Love. Legacy. Allow yourself the opportunity to give this gift.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2015 15:41     Subject: Re:What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
OP, others have already said it, but TELL HER! I lost my MIL last year. We had a very good relationship and I had told her many times how great I thought she was, etc. but she went downhill very fast at the end and I had not seen her for a few months (long story). By the time I got to the hospital in the final day/hours, I'm not sure how much she could comprehend. She fought dying so hard every step...... I was afraid to really say goodbye b/c I thought it might upset her more (if she understood). But, like you, what I wanted to tell her was what an amazing job she had done raising 3 incredible kids on her own. How much I loved and appreciated her and how grateful I was to have her has my MIL and grandmother to our kids. I wanted to tell her not to worry, that we would all take care of each other.... so just tell. Again and again, in whatever ways you can. Sorry you are going through this, it sucks.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2015 09:52     Subject: What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
Anonymous wrote:My stepfather is dying of cancer and I too worried what to say. Just speak from the heart. I cried. He cried. The closure was fantastic. There are many relatives I wish I could have said goodbye too. Take this opportunity.


I got to have those conversations with two of my loved ones before they died, and it was incredible for all of us. We all needed it and found comfort. Afterwards, my brother, who was dying, told my mother that the day we had the conversation was the best day of his life.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2015 19:11     Subject: What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
You say you see her every month?

Say 1 thing each time. You've written a lot here.
Just say it.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2015 18:35     Subject: Re:What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
Please say something. It was so hard when I was dealing with a serious ovarian cancer. My parents and my husband are "suck it up and soldier on" kind of people. I was scared out of my mind, but no one said a word to me about being scared or that they loved me and were scared for me or anything. It was all "You'll be fine." I was fine, but I was really sick first and I still resent them for not recognizing how terrifying it was to have a 2 year old, a four year old, and ovarian cancer.

Talk to her. Please.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2015 18:30     Subject: What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
Anonymous wrote:I would write it in a card. Let her have it to look at when you guys aren't there.

When you leave, just say "love you".

The last time I saw my mom conscious, I was too overcome with emotion to say the things I should have. I was so young, it hurt so much. I know there was a moment where she thought I was leaving the house without saying goodbye. The dying can be insecure too. Write it down and give it to her.

F*%#, now I'm crying.


Oh, this just really hurt my heart. So sorry for your loss too, PP.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2015 16:49     Subject: What do I say to my MIL who is dying?
My stepfather is dying of cancer and I too worried what to say. Just speak from the heart. I cried. He cried. The closure was fantastic. There are many relatives I wish I could have said goodbye too. Take this opportunity.