DD's preschool required "independently potty trained" which means ability to know when the child needed to use the bathroom, used the bathroom, could wipe themselves, wash hands and redress. Nothing had to be done perfectly. I would assume completely potty trained means the same.

If the child was still in diapers at night I would not call him/her completely potty trained unless there was a medical issue (which as a PP mentioned is far less common than we think).

Anonymous wrote:Actually a very small percentage of kids truly are "persistent bed-wetters" (urinate while sleeping deeply). Most will stay dry all night and pee in the early morning hours when nearly awake because they know they are wearing pull-ups.

My DS told me that he loved peeing in his pull-ups! That was the last night he wore them.

Everyone should have their child try a few night without pull-ups to see what happens.

This. Check and make sure that your child truly has a bed wetting problem and is not simply using his pull ups as the easy way out. Hell, many winter mornings I wish I had pull ups on instead of getting out if bed and running across the cold bathroom floor to the toilet!

Nighttime training is totally different. My son was not dry at night until he was 8 -- just like me. It is ludicrous to suggest we were not potty trained until we were 8. Any pediatrician would laugh in your face at this definition. Potty training means DAY only.

Hi OP, I'm a mom to a now 6.5 y.o. boy who has had extreme issues in this area. I would say that your son's current pattern definitely would have me concerned enough to at least call the ped about it. My son had similar issues, and though they are much better now, they are still not quite resolved. FWIW, our 4 y.o. DD was daytime dry by 2 y 4m and nighttime dry by 3 years old, so clearly this is not about us as parents.

There could be a wide variety of things causing him to still wet himself, ranging from encopresis to kidney issues to behavioral issues (ADHD, for example, which might allow him to hyper focus on his play while blocking out stimuli from his body). We have spent a LOT of time trying to figure out how to best help our son. It is a difficult, emotional issue because there is SO much shame involved. Even many of the PPs, though perhaps well-intentioned, reflect the societal biases surrounding these types of issues. No child who has trouble learning to read, has poor gross or fine motor skills, etc. is stigmatized as much as one who wets / soils themselves past an "acceptable" age. And here on DCUM, parents of such kids are deemed "lazy" for not "training" our children sooner, better, etc.

Aside from the annoying, "What? Your child is X years old and is STILL not completely potty-trained?" type commentary, there are also the "minimizers." I think they are very well-meaning, with comments like "Oh, every kid has an occasional accident." This both dismisses the possibility of a true issue (whether physical or psychosomatic) and also downplays the emotional distress frequent accidents can cause for the child and the parents. Really, unless someone has BTDT, it is very difficult for them to understand how difficult such an issue can be.

Anyway, like I said, definitely call your ped. I hope that your child does not have the same issues that mine does, but if so, please know that you are not alone. If you are interested in hearing about some of the interventions we have used, I can try to check back here and post them some other time. Either way, good luck!

I understand that every child us different, but I do think that " completely potty trained" would mean day and night both. My kids were day trained by 3 and night trained by 4. One thing if I may share, I did not make a big deal about the change ( on taking the pull up off), just told them they are big now so no pull ups. I did however made it a point for a few weeks to prompt them to use the bathroom before going to bed. It's been great ever since, but every kid reaches this stage at his own pace so that too must be respected.

Anonymous wrote:To me, it means the child can walk into the bathroom on their own initiative before they'll have an accident, and deal with everything themselves and then walk out. I will make an exception for two things ONLY in public bathrooms:
1. not being able to reach the faucet or soap
2. not being able to open the door bc it's too heavy

My 3.5 yr old gets taken to public bathrooms because she can't reach the soap and faucets unless there's a stool (which there rarely is). But I just stand there - she goes in the stall herself.

Do you inspect it first to make sure it's clean? Does your DC use a portable potty seat, or a liner?

I wouldn't trust my toddler alone in a stall, but he's younger.

I think completely potty trained includes night training.

I think though that kids who are "completely potty trained" may still have accidents because they wait just a little too long.



Your child sounds normal.

Anonymous wrote:What you're describing is totally normal. I think this happens to a lot of kids because they are just so involved in what they're doing. I also think it tends to happen much more at home than at school/daycare.

I consider daytime training to be totally different from nighttime. If a kid was consistently dry all the time during the day, I'd call that "completely potty trained during the day." I know many kids (particularly boys) who are still not waking up dry most mornings and at age 5 or 6. It really depends on your kid -- my kid amazingly overnight trained himself at age 3 and basically never has had accidents, but I think that's unusual.

Your kid is probably "completely potty trained" for all intents and purposes.

Just because it's normal doesn't mean he is completely toiled trained. One cannot be completely toiled trained and then wear diapers or need prompts to go.

To me, it means the child can walk into the bathroom on their own initiative before they'll have an accident, and deal with everything themselves and then walk out. I will make an exception for two things ONLY in public bathrooms:
1. not being able to reach the faucet or soap
2. not being able to open the door bc it's too heavy

My 3.5 yr old gets taken to public bathrooms because she can't reach the soap and faucets unless there's a stool (which there rarely is). But I just stand there - she goes in the stall herself.

Love all the non-doctors posting their feelings on staying dry at night. I was a bed wetter till fairly late. My 5 year old DD is as well. She has been day trained since age 2. Multiple pediatricians at different highly regarded practices (we moved) have told us this is a) totally normal, b) a physical thing, so not something the child can be "trained" on, and c) likely hereditary. Shaming a kid over this and trying to force them to be dry at night is basically like shaming a kid for being left-handed, and equally as stupid.

I consider completely trained to mean
Child goes to bathroom unprompted
No accidents
Dry overnight without pull ups/diapers on

I had no idea people were using the words "completely trained" to mean their kid still wets at night or has an accident per week.

Actually a very small percentage of kids truly are "persistent bed-wetters" (urinate while sleeping deeply). Most will stay dry all night and pee in the early morning hours when nearly awake because they know they are wearing pull-ups.

My DS told me that he loved peeing in his pull-ups! That was the last night he wore them.

Everyone should have their child try a few night without pull-ups to see what happens.

Anonymous wrote:You have an almost 4 year old that isn't night trained?! Wow that's far behind...

This thread would disagree with you.

Anonymous wrote:You have an almost 4 year old that isn't night trained?! Wow that's far behind...

New poster here. My young 4 year old isn't night trained. Hasn't had a daytime accident in well over a year - just deep sleeper. About half his classmates wear pull-ups at night. Not even slightly concerned.

You have an almost 4 year old that isn't night trained?! Wow that's far behind...