Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh this post sounds just like me. Except we have kids and I feel trapped. Married for 20 years and I am in a abusive relationship. Not physically but mentally. My life sucks.

I don't know where to start to get out. He has all the money and power. I do not want to lose my kids.

This is the OP. I live in Fairfax. Thanks for thinking of me.

Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh this post sounds just like me. Except we have kids and I feel trapped. Married for 20 years and I am in a abusive relationship. Not physically but mentally. My life sucks.

I don't know where to start to get out. He has all the money and power. I do not want to lose my kids.

Family Justice Center in Montgomery County if you live there. They help with everything including an exit plan.

Oh my gosh this post sounds just like me. Except we have kids and I feel trapped. Married for 20 years and I am in a abusive relationship. Not physically but mentally. My life sucks.

I don't know where to start to get out. He has all the money and power. I do not want to lose my kids.

Think about it...You invested two decades w/this person...All w/the hope that you would be spending the rest of your life w/him.

This is not small peanuts OP.

Sure, you know fundamentally you are doing what is in your best interest. And you ARE. Don't lose sight of that.

But still, it hurts to do so. Breaking up is not easy for anyone. It's a loss, just like a death per say.

You will have to go through a complete grieving process in order to reach the other side.

You NEED to feel your pain. All of it. Allow yourself the proper time to grieve your loss, thus enabling you to heal and recover.

Do not try to take a short-cut because none exist. The longer you procrastinate in your grieving, the longer it will take you to heal.

You are a lot stronger than you may think.

((((( Hugs )))))

It's going to hurt, OP. If you can come to terms with that, it helps a lot. Often people go running for a new relationship immediately to kill the pain, but it doesn't work well. Try to power through the pain and loneliness. I absolutely recommend therapy immediately. It helps like crazy to have someone to talk to about the pain and fear and loneliness.

Start some new routines for yourself. What crushed me most was losing the things we used to do on a regular basis. Sunday morning paper in bed and out for coffee, for example. So after we broke up, Sunday morning would come around and it was a killer. Find something enjoyable to replace old routines and stick to it. After about a month or so you will be looking forward to the new stuff.

Try to arrange more time with friends. The loneliness thing is real. Fill some extra time with some pals.

Hang in there, OP. You are extremely strong. You will get through this!

you will be stronger and feel so much better. Although, i can understand starting on your own after 20 years can be daunting. Keep your head up, look out for yourself and take good care of yourself. You will make it and be better for it!

Writing is very helpful! I ended up writing my memior at age 40, but it was extremely therapeutic to put it down on paper, close the book and move forward.

You go girl! I walked too. Hardest thing I ever did in my life but also the best thing I did. I know live how I want to without being under anyone's thumb.

After being with a "partner" for so long it's hard being on your own. It's lonely for sure. But reveal in your freedom. Take a long walk after work. Treated yourself to a weekend away somewhere. Volunteer. Go to the gym. Easing into a new routine is hard and it takes time. Be kind to yourself.

You did the right thing. Do let anyone tell you otherwise. I know that for me, most thought I was crazy for leaving, as my ex in public is very charismatic etc but knowing the truth for myself is key.

Hugs to you. You will make it!