OP here.

Well, the bizarre follow up to this story is that they did call me back a little while ago and offer me another job at higher pay.

It would have been a significant pay increase, and I'm unhappy in my current job, but I actually turned it down.

I seriously don't know what I was thinking, so I could use some feedback on this.

Part of me really, really, really wanted to take the job -- mainly for the money and to get away from my current job. But my husband was convinced I'd be unhappy. There were some out-of-the-ordinary features of the job. There were perks, too, but my fear (and my husband's fear) was that there were no boundaries.

It could be great, with lots of time off. Or it could be long hours. I'd have little say in any of it because I'd basically agree to be available whenever they needed me, for whatever hours they needed me. In return, I'd get time off during down time.

I don't know if I feel regret or if I feel just frustrated with the entire job-hunting game. I wanted to take the job. And this time, they did offer me more money, but I just couldn't get my head around whether I'd actually be happy at the job.

And the pretty big downside to the job is that there would be very little mobility (if any). It's a small office with very defined roles, so once I took the job, there'd be nowhere to go, no possibility to move around.

I keep going over it in my head and thinking, geesh, from an objective perspective, it would have been a great move for me. I'm not in a high-demand field.

But I had some very real fears -- fears that I'd get into the job and feel stuck the way I feel stuck now, just with more money. I also feared some cultural aspects of the office and the reality that once I learned the daily tasks (which would be pretty much the same forever), there'd be no opportunity to learn other skills or grow.

It would be a secure job (it's not going anywhere ever), so I'd have job security for the next 20 years, but I'd be doing the same thing. No new projects. No new skills.

I'm not the OP, but this thread is giving me the push I need to get out of the door this morning. I hate, HATE, my job after a big promotion. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of a toxic, back stabbing work environment. I've been thinking I made a huge mistake and have been seriously depressed for weeks. Now I kinda get that these work hiccups are kinda just a part of life. So thanks.

I've been working for 20 years, and I've finally learned a career is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm a very linear, hard-charging person, but sometimes jobs have to take a winding path. On each of my 2 maternity leaves, job offers came up, that would have been fantastic, but the timing was wrong and I didn't pursue them. Then, along the way, I had 2 really sucky jobs. One I knew instantaneously and I quit in 2 weeks, and begged my other job offer and begged them to take me, which worked, because they hadn't hired anyone else.

If you have a good resume and otherwise good track record, then it is not bad to leave a job in under a year. Some jobs just aren't a good fit. Start interviewing again and see what happens. Maybe also contact that other offer and ask if they have any other openings there.

I regret staying in my last job for as long as I did. It was a "mommy track" position and I am grateful for having the extra time and flexibility it allowed me to spend with my kids. However, I am now 5-10 years behind where I feel I should be professionally. I started a great new job 5 months ago, so feel like I'm on the right track now. I just wish I had done this earlier. OP, I'm sure something will work out. Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:Yes and I ended up leaving after a year. It was an extremely toxic environment. And you know it's bad when you don't want your worst enemy to work there either.

Coworkers having panic attacks at work, women literally sitting in their cars crying before work, nervous breakdowns, a few people tried to commit suicide, and a whole host of other problems. Heck, my hair starting falling out in clumps due to the stress. It was just a horrible environment....period.

My advice to you is look for another position and if you believe in God, trust he has your back.

OP here. Sometimes I feel like no one has my back.

That sounds like a toxic environment. The sad thing about my situation is it used to be a wonderful job. I think that's why I turned down the other offer. I thought that maybe I was over reacting and that the negatives would fall away and it would go back to being the great job.

But it's gotten progressively worse. And now it's toxic. And I regret not taking the other job.

I just feel defeated. The past couple years have been filled with disappointment. Miscarriages. Work situation deteriorating. Issues with relatives and inlaws. And all despite the fact that I've been working harder than ever these last two years. I just feel like the harder I try, the harder I fail.

Yes and I ended up leaving after a year. It was an extremely toxic environment. And you know it's bad when you don't want your worst enemy to work there either.

Coworkers having panic attacks at work, women literally sitting in their cars crying before work, nervous breakdowns, a few people tried to commit suicide, and a whole host of other problems. Heck, my hair starting falling out in clumps due to the stress. It was just a horrible environment....period.

My advice to you is look for another position and if you believe in God, trust he has your back.

I have done this on more than one occasion. I must be a glutton for punishment because I keep staying in the same lousy business that gets worse day by day!

Sorry OP! Been there.

You probably made the right decision.

I once took a job that had more pay and prestige, but I didn't feel a culture fit. After a week, I knew I had made a horrible mistake - 70 hr work weeks, crazy manager, depressed coworkers, 3 hr a day commute. I quit after 2 weeks. I went back to the previous job with my tail between my legs.

Trust your gut!

Yes, I transferred to an office in the south. While I enjoy the lower COL, warmer weather, I just can't seem to find my niche here. I'm not southern at all. I want to move back to DC, but I'm not at a good place in my career to do so.

Yes I left a nice paying comfortable position that I enjoyed as a contractor to become a fed at another agency.....big mistake! All fed agencies aren't created equal. totally regret decision smh

Agree with frying pan into the fire comment. I think you did the right thing.

Anonymous wrote:I think I have ended up regretting about half of my career decisions after three decades in the workforce. Sometimes companies or industries cratered and, in hindsight, I missed the warning signs. I definitely skipped on two jobs that would have taken me in a much better and more lucrative direction. And I've gotten lucky a couple times.

I have definitely seen, from my experience and others, that being without a job makes getting a new job about 10 times harder. When the job situation stinks, put on a smile, put in your daily work, check out when you get out the door. Put your prime energy and hours into finding your next job (don't relegate your search to the late hours before bedtime if you're like me). Forget the job boards and websites; you need to talk / meet with people and sell them on how you will contribute on day 1.

Good luck and hang in there.

OP here. Yes, I agree with that statement. One of the reasons I didn't accept the offer I got a little while back is because I also think it's difficult to find a new job if you've only been in the current job for a few months. My fear was that if the red flags I sensed were real and I ended up unhappy in that position, it would be harder to find something else. In a sense, I'd be more stuck.

My thinking at the time was also that I have a lot of time in at my current job. And I (mistakenly) assumed that that meant some stability/security. (It's not private sector, but it's also not protected.) It's really only recent developments that have caused me to fear that it doesn't matter how much time in I have. There are undercurrents that are shaking up the whole operation in not so good ways, and I can't imagine the dust is going to settle any time soon.

I was afraid of going from something that wasn't satisfying to something that wasn't satisfying and had me even more "stuck." What kind of has punched me in the gut is the feeling that I was mistaken in my belief that my current job is just kind of an unhappy situation. I realize now that there are far worse things happening. I still don't know the whole picture. But I'm worried.

And I could kick myself because before I thought I was just comparing jobs on the basis of which would be more satisfying, better paying, more opportunity, better hours. Now, I realize that it could be a comparison of which job is actually more secure. And if I knew then what I know now, I would have, without reservation, taken the offer.

There is this secret hope that "maybe they'll call me back!" or "maybe the person they hired when I turned it down won't work out," but that's right along with the "maybe I'll win the lottery!" hope. None of it's likely to happen.

So I'm back to square one. I'm feeling defeated.

I've been in same job since 2003, and went to part-time since 2007 when my son was born. I work for global defense contractor. I've passed on promotions, moves, more responsibility because 1) I want to spend as much time with my son and 2) my husbands job pays well. Glad I stuck it out because now that the site where I work is closing, I might be able to work from home instead of commuting to DC. I work from home a lot now, but go to the office a few days a week, but the new arrangement will be everyday. I desperately want to end all commuting!!!

Don't get my pity party started. I became a contract attorney many years ago not realizing at the time that it was career suicide. Now I'm stuck. The money is good but no one else wants me cos they probably realize I only have doc review experience and I can't afford a pay cut. Still waiting for the light at the end of that tunnel.

I think I have ended up regretting about half of my career decisions after three decades in the workforce. Sometimes companies or industries cratered and, in hindsight, I missed the warning signs. I definitely skipped on two jobs that would have taken me in a much better and more lucrative direction. And I've gotten lucky a couple times.

I have definitely seen, from my experience and others, that being without a job makes getting a new job about 10 times harder. When the job situation stinks, put on a smile, put in your daily work, check out when you get out the door. Put your prime energy and hours into finding your next job (don't relegate your search to the late hours before bedtime if you're like me). Forget the job boards and websites; you need to talk / meet with people and sell them on how you will contribute on day 1.

Good luck and hang in there.