Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you're coming from, OP. There's no right or wrong answer.

My DS was much like your DD as a baby, and it took us a long time to even consider the idea of having a second. I remember many of our friends getting pregnant again when DS was about 1.5, and we talk to each other, "Are they CRAZY?" We were just finally sleeping through the night and so happy to have reflux and allergies under control with our DS.

Fast forward to about 2.5, and I was really ready to have another, even kicking myself for not trying sooner. It took us about 6 months to get pregnant, which felt like forever. Now I'm expecting #2 and genuinely excited about it. Sure, I'm irritated by the thought of going back to sleepless nights and infant crying, but I'm also excited to expand our family and have another child.

I wouldn't do it unless you feel this way. You might have a few doubts, and that's normal, but you should generally want another child if you decide to try to conceive one. I know it happens by accident for many, and that's fine, but if you are considering it a decision, I would definitely wait until you feel ready and desirous. You might be surprised by how fast this changes for you!

As for the situation with your friends, I wouldn't rush it just for that reason. I definitely feel that a sense of community pushed me to want to have our second because my very good friend was trying to get pregnant at that time, and suddenly, we were surrounded by a lot of families with multiple kids (whereas it had been mostly single kids before that). If you're already around that and still not feeling totally ready to take the leap for #2, give it more time. You can't wait forever, but you also don't need to rush into it.

This is so close to our experience is well. Cousins and friends had 3 kids in the same time span that we had our two and it seemed absolutely insane to us.
DS was a difficult, high-needs baby and toddler. By the time he was 3, it was totally different - he was verbal, potty trained, sleeping at night, able to self entertain for a bit. DD was born when he was 3 years, 3 months. I'm glad we didn't wait longer. Now, DD is a year away from kindergarten - we are nearly done with daycare/preschool, the kids play together well and are generally getting to be a lot of fun.

Don't worry about your friends having kids older than yours. It's really fine, plus you'll meet new families anyway with kids closer in age to yours.

I think a lot of this depends on your situation. If you have another right now, will you have 2 kids in daycare at the same time? Is this something you can deal with financially? If you SAH can you afford preschool? It helped me so much to be able to drop DS off at preschool several mornings a week, where he got to play with kids his own age and get attention from wonderful teachers, while I could get errands done or just stay home with the newborn and catch a little nap.

That said - babies aren't babies for long. You suck it up during the hardest months, then they get older. [b]Plan for the number of kids you want, not babies.[\b] And don't assume they will fight like cats and dogs. A lot of that is parenting.

I like this a lot. But, also people have to be cognizant of the toll parenting young children can have on your marriage, mental health, and more. I want two children, but I'm not sure either can handle it given our high needs baby with colic. Sure, she will grow up, and someday it will get better, but it's not an insignificant amount of time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you're coming from, OP. There's no right or wrong answer.

My DS was much like your DD as a baby, and it took us a long time to even consider the idea of having a second. I remember many of our friends getting pregnant again when DS was about 1.5, and we talk to each other, "Are they CRAZY?" We were just finally sleeping through the night and so happy to have reflux and allergies under control with our DS.

Fast forward to about 2.5, and I was really ready to have another, even kicking myself for not trying sooner. It took us about 6 months to get pregnant, which felt like forever. Now I'm expecting #2 and genuinely excited about it. Sure, I'm irritated by the thought of going back to sleepless nights and infant crying, but I'm also excited to expand our family and have another child.

I wouldn't do it unless you feel this way. You might have a few doubts, and that's normal, but you should generally want another child if you decide to try to conceive one. I know it happens by accident for many, and that's fine, but if you are considering it a decision, I would definitely wait until you feel ready and desirous. You might be surprised by how fast this changes for you!

As for the situation with your friends, I wouldn't rush it just for that reason. I definitely feel that a sense of community pushed me to want to have our second because my very good friend was trying to get pregnant at that time, and suddenly, we were surrounded by a lot of families with multiple kids (whereas it had been mostly single kids before that). If you're already around that and still not feeling totally ready to take the leap for #2, give it more time. You can't wait forever, but you also don't need to rush into it.

This is so close to our experience is well. Cousins and friends had 3 kids in the same time span that we had our two and it seemed absolutely insane to us.
DS was a difficult, high-needs baby and toddler. By the time he was 3, it was totally different - he was verbal, potty trained, sleeping at night, able to self entertain for a bit. DD was born when he was 3 years, 3 months. I'm glad we didn't wait longer. Now, DD is a year away from kindergarten - we are nearly done with daycare/preschool, the kids play together well and are generally getting to be a lot of fun.

Don't worry about your friends having kids older than yours. It's really fine, plus you'll meet new families anyway with kids closer in age to yours.

I think a lot of this depends on your situation. If you have another right now, will you have 2 kids in daycare at the same time? Is this something you can deal with financially? If you SAH can you afford preschool? It helped me so much to be able to drop DS off at preschool several mornings a week, where he got to play with kids his own age and get attention from wonderful teachers, while I could get errands done or just stay home with the newborn and catch a little nap.

That said - babies aren't babies for long. You suck it up during the hardest months, then they get older. [b]Plan for the number of kids you want, not babies.[\b] And don't assume they will fight like cats and dogs. A lot of that is parenting.

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you're coming from, OP. There's no right or wrong answer.

My DS was much like your DD as a baby, and it took us a long time to even consider the idea of having a second. I remember many of our friends getting pregnant again when DS was about 1.5, and we talk to each other, "Are they CRAZY?" We were just finally sleeping through the night and so happy to have reflux and allergies under control with our DS.

Fast forward to about 2.5, and I was really ready to have another, even kicking myself for not trying sooner. It took us about 6 months to get pregnant, which felt like forever. Now I'm expecting #2 and genuinely excited about it. Sure, I'm irritated by the thought of going back to sleepless nights and infant crying, but I'm also excited to expand our family and have another child.

I wouldn't do it unless you feel this way. You might have a few doubts, and that's normal, but you should generally want another child if you decide to try to conceive one. I know it happens by accident for many, and that's fine, but if you are considering it a decision, I would definitely wait until you feel ready and desirous. You might be surprised by how fast this changes for you!

As for the situation with your friends, I wouldn't rush it just for that reason. I definitely feel that a sense of community pushed me to want to have our second because my very good friend was trying to get pregnant at that time, and suddenly, we were surrounded by a lot of families with multiple kids (whereas it had been mostly single kids before that). If you're already around that and still not feeling totally ready to take the leap for #2, give it more time. You can't wait forever, but you also don't need to rush into it.

Anonymous wrote:My DD just turned 2.5 and I am feeling so torn about whether or not we want to have another. I always imagined having 2 (DH and I both have siblings we're close to now)... but after DD was born everything was just so much harder than we anticipated. She was colicky, reflux, didn't sleep forever. And now as a toddler she continues to be challenging with tantrums, being a picky eater, extremely clingy and more. That said - things have finally gotten so much better with her and we're really enjoying her and our little family, and I just can't imagine going back to square one with a newborn, especially if the new baby is as tough as DD.

I know we could wait... but unfortunately time isn't on my side. I will be 36 in a couple months and DH is turning 38. We worry potential health concerns the longer we wait, who knows how long we will be trying, plus we're just getting older and more tired. The other thing, which I know is selfish... is that I was the last of most of my friends to have a baby, so most have 2-3 kids already and their younger ones are DDs age. So I feel like I don't want to be the only one with an infant again when things are just starting to get fun with activities all together (we were excluded for so long when we didn't have kids).

Lastly... I am terrified of sibling fighting since both DH and I are 3.5/4 years apart from our siblings, and fought like cats and dogs growing up. Neither of us were close to our siblings until we were in our 20s (now we are very close). As kids, my mom had to separate my sister and I quite often due to fighting and said it made her miserable for most of our childhood. So, this is another big consideration as I know the fighting would drive me insane.

Has anyone else had a difficult first and felt this way? Did you go on to have a 2nd or call it quits at 1? I know there's no right or wrong here, but don't want to regret not having a 2nd before it's too late.

dancingsunflowers06 wrote:Hi there- I completely understand where you are coming from. I agree with the post that recommended just letting the idea of one child sit in your mind for a bit (I know time isn't on your side, but better to really know!) A friend of mine with 5 kiddos once told me that you would never regret having more children. It's true, it's just not an easy job. I always think about our kids being grown and having grandkids around the table. I want my children to have the support of one another growing up. It is a lot to consider, but once you feel at peace with your decision, you'll just know! I don't know if you are a praying person or not, but that's how I make these type of decisions. Kind of takes the burden off of me and lets someone else decide. Bless you girl!

mommato2lilmonkeys