Hugs op. Don't feel like a failure. You aren't failing. I think you are an excellent father. Don't give up.

I'm sorry OP, I know what your wife is going through. When my son was diagnosed I was in depression for a good year, I barely remember anything. I know I was just going through the motions because I needed to be there for my older son. What helped was joining a support group. There may be a local autism group or a church that has a special needs ministry. We need to know we're all in this together, it really helps.

Sorry about the tough times but why can't your wife work? My husband has bipolar which is much tougher deal then depression in some ways, and he takes medication and goes to therapy and he is able to handle working. Is your wife being properly treated and is she managing her illness? No wonder you are feeling down, please do what you can to encourage her to get healthy so she can be part of your families solution, not to mention that a depressed anxious mom is not the best for a kid. I really hope things turn around for you soon. I can tell you my husband did miss some work while he was getting stable on meds so I do understand need for time to get well but I don't think its an excuse card to not work for most part.

I'm so sorry OP, a lot of us including my family struggle with finances. I like you at times wish I could go back in time and not have a family, it's been a daily struggle. But this is where God has me and I try to make the best of it. I was going to recommend Jill's House if you want a hotel - like experience, but seeing as you are in another state that won't work. There is another organization called Joni and Friends and they offer respite retreats for families. Check the website to see what they have in your area, and if they offer scholarships. Have you also contacted Easter Seals? My heart and prayers go out to you OP.

Praying for you OP - mom of two SN kids.

OP here, thanks for all the responses. i actually found this site by accident, i live in illinois (no, not anywhere near Chicago,LOL) i just needed to rant for a little bit. my wife is unable to work due to depression/anxitiy. stupid state gave us food stamps last month less then $120. but then turns around and said i make to much for anymore, cant figure that out, since unemployment is the same. i did get lucky today and found a food pantry that was open, got a ton of food that should get us by till unemployment payment comes in, which may be delayed a few extra days. wont know until tomorrow. thank you for all the advice.

Do you belong to a church or synagogue? Even if you do not all churches have contingency funds to help anyone who needs help. Just go in and tell them you need groceries. My church has a pantry and gives out grocery store cards. You will be amazed at how much help there is if you ask. The Salvation Army and Catholic Charities also have programs. God bless and I'm saying a prayer for you and your family.

Hang in there, OP. I think the night in the hotel was an amazing thing to do for your son. What a great memory.

Anonymous wrote:feeling really down right now. my son just turned 10 today,he has AS but the dr. is now thinking maybe ODD. all he wanted for his birthday was a night at a hotel. i know it was stupid and sure my mother in law will confirm it, but with what little money we had left from unemployment payment, we did the hotel. he was overyjoyed. thinking it would work out before i get the next payment this wednesday. but checking our bank account a few minutes ago, i was way wrong,now it looks like we cant even get groceries. i feel like i am the worst father/husband since i cant even support my family. i wish i could go back in time and not have a family so they arent put through this. before anyone worries, i'm not going to "off" myself. remember, we are broke, cant even afford life insurance. i just had to get this feeling off my chest. cant tell this to wife, she already is dealing with depression and axnity

OP you sound stressed and and so down on yourself. It is so hard to have all kinds of other stress on top of parenting kids with special needs. We didn't go through it with the job, but there was a time when I was sure my DH and I were going to split up. It was awful- we made it through but for a time I wasn't functioning well and probably reached a level of clinical depression. Couldn't sleep, eat, felt sick...horrible, and it took awhile to climb out of it.

You mention ODD- that is a very hard thing to live with. We thought ODD when my son was younger. It got better, but ODD has to be *parented* because the negativity, explosive tantrums, and constant opposition and disrespect are cyclical and the key is *prevention* and consistency- we still see glimpses of it when we're not 100% on top of our parenting game. It is so difficult when there are other sources of stress and anxiety.

Dad - First of all - hats off to you that you put your son's well-being and your wife's first. But now let's also find a way to take care of yourself.


For referrals to affordable community mental health services:

Your local Mental Health America affiliate is an excellent resource for information about local programs and services including affordable treatment services. In our area of Virginia , this group had a list of providers who provided lowcost or even pro bono counseling with certain groups. You might start with the office in your area.

Network of Care offers information including descriptions of community treatment services and other supports for the following states: Arizona, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nebraska, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Texas, Virginia, and Washington.

http://www.needymeds.org/free_clinics.taf?_function=list&state=DC


You have a lot on your plate right now - more than most could imagine so cut yourself some slack. Have you looked into seeing if there is any sort of a Job Club at the local Jobs Centers or other sort of support groups for job seekers to just be able to vent with others feeling your common frustrations and angst?

Some other thoughts:

- Besides the advice of having your resume reviewed, have you developed resumes for different kinds of jobs that you might be qualified to do?

- Also, do you have up-to-date contact information on all references so that someone could just phone, email, text or write them. If you have not been in touch with them recently, you might drop them a note with your current resume and a brief mention to keep you in mind if they have any openings.

- Do you have a presence on Linked In?

- Do you have a college career service that you could contact for any alumni services in the DC metro area?

- Have you considered working through a job placement agency even for temporary work?


- Some DC resources which you may find of interest:

www.40plus-dc.org/ - Join us every Monday morning to hear a different expert speak about skills and tips for job seekers – from resumes to networking. FREE!


www.brazencareerist.com/blog/2014/02/20/6-networking-events-in-washington-d-c-that-are-actually-enjoyable/ - Blog listing six different networking events of different types

Keep communicating with your wife and sharing home and child care responsibilities. Let folks know how it is going as your post is one that many people can relate to at some point in their life.

Hang in there, OP. Your child will remember that special trip for a very long time, and you did what you did for all the right reasons and with the best info you had. There are food banks that can help you today—please tell us where you live so we can help get you some resources—we are a community here.

I know it gets hard. As important as that is, I promise you that your family values you for so much more than being a breadwinner.

Anonymous wrote:Where are you located and what type of work do you do? I have a child with ASD. I know the stress it puts on a family. Maybe one of us can help you with a job lead, groceries etc.

Please do respond. People want to help.

-BTDT