Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else go through this? I often feel really hurt by comments my dad makes even if they aren't about me. For example, he will call a celebrity on TV "fat and ugly" and I wonder does he feel the same way about me? Ugh I hate that feeling.

I'm a father myself and OP your comment is really offensive to me because it makes me think whether or not you, my own kids, or perfect strangers might think I'm a bad father.

Therefore, please shut the fuck up, OP, since you said something that hurts my feelings.

Np here. Aw, you seem like a really sensitive guy. I'm sure that if you keep quiet around everyone all the time, people will wonder what kind of dad you are. Some may think you're doing just fine, but the minute you speak, all doubt is removed and everyone can see what an idiot you are.

OP, I see where you're coming from and my dad also has a tendency to be really negative and critical/judgmental of others in ways that are often hurtful (not directly to me but in ways that make me feel like I have to censor myself or like he disapproves of me, etc.) It is really hard to be around him sometimes because of this.

He also tends to take everything very personally so if I were to say, for instance, hey dad when you say _____it makes me feel ______or even slightly insinuate that what he said hurt my feelings, he thinks I am "attacking" him and responds in some really defensive way, making himself the victim. It drives me crazy but I've just come to accept it and know I can't change him so I have stepped back and tried not to say anything when he makes these comments...I just ignore them as best I can and change the subject as quickly as possible to something more positive. If that doesn't work, I will get up and leave the room with some kind of excuse that doesn't let him know that I am leaving because I am offended by his comments. I know handling it this way is avoiding the issue but I have tried for years to address this particular issue and nothing has worked so I just try to avoid getting into any negative conversations or responding to his critical remarks at all.

I do love him and he is basically a good person (he is not racist or bigoted or anything like that, just equally negative and judgmental of everyone). I think a lot of his issues with being the way he is stem from his depression so I try to look at it from that angle and it helps a bit to try to think of it from his perspective, the perspective of a depressed, lonely person who has struggled w/ depression for years and when I think of it that way (and reassure myself that it really is not about me or anyone else, but it is HIS issue) then I can take it in stride and not let it affect me so much.

Hope that helps.