Anonymous wrote:

When parents are married who is in charge? The mom or the dad? The parent with the child that day signs the paper after consulting with the other parent, the parent with the child that night supervises homework. The child knows who's in charge, both parents consulting together--they are still coparents. Why would a divorce make one parent in charge and the other not. I've been divorced for four years and have never had an issue with who signs papers or with teachers being confused about who is in charge. They treat us both like their parents, just as they did before the divorce. My kids consider both places their home. They have a strong bond with both of us. I find it completely inappropriate when people like you assume that one parent is automatically in charge. In a healthy coparenting relationship.both parent are in charge together.

Maybe that works for you. But, what about the child and the teacher/administrator who is dealing with a kid who waited at Kiss and Ride but neither parent shows up? Or, goes home on the bus and the other parent shows up to pick him up? Okay, so you give the school your one week on--one week off- schedule, but maybe school closures have made you change your schedule--but the school has not been told. Then the parent screams at the school for the wrong decisions.

You would be amazed at what happens in situations like this. Many kids are confused by going back and forth. Maybe your child will not be, but there must be a parent in charge for lots of reasons. I taught in a school where one child was "kidnapped" by a parent --the school had not been told that the parents were separated. Dad showed up a few minutes early to pick up the kid. Kid didn't come home (this child was a walker) and mom didn't realize for a couple of hours. She blamed it on the school. Granted, your situation is different, but you cannot assume the school is always "on board" with your plans.

My 3rd grader does afterschool activity 2 days per week - same days every week since January. And out of habit, I still remind her every morning of the plan for the afternoon. Well 2 weeks ago she rode the bus home when she was supposed to go to the extra-curricular. She felt silly but admitted that she almost did the same thing a few times before but would remember at the last minute.

When parents are married who is in charge? The mom or the dad? The parent with the child that day signs the paper after consulting with the other parent, the parent with the child that night supervises homework. The child knows who's in charge, both parents consulting together--they are still coparents. Why would a divorce make one parent in charge and the other not. I've been divorced for four years and have never had an issue with who signs papers or with teachers being confused about who is in charge. They treat us both like their parents, just as they did before the divorce. My kids consider both places their home. They have a strong bond with both of us. I find it completely inappropriate when people like you assume that one parent is automatically in charge. In a healthy coparenting relationship.both parent are in charge together.

Maybe that works for you. But, what about the child and the teacher/administrator who is dealing with a kid who waited at Kiss and Ride but neither parent shows up? Or, goes home on the bus and the other parent shows up to pick him up? Okay, so you give the school your one week on--one week off- schedule, but maybe school closures have made you change your schedule--but the school has not been told. Then the parent screams at the school for the wrong decisions.

You would be amazed at what happens in situations like this. Many kids are confused by going back and forth. Maybe your child will not be, but there must be a parent in charge for lots of reasons. I taught in a school where one child was "kidnapped" by a parent --the school had not been told that the parents were separated. Dad showed up a few minutes early to pick up the kid. Kid didn't come home (this child was a walker) and mom didn't realize for a couple of hours. She blamed it on the school. Granted, your situation is different, but you cannot assume the school is always "on board" with your plans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Principal's answer is bizarre, probably based on regs, but bizarre!

Not the principal, but I doubt anyone really checks. However, there are reasons for this. It probably applies to more than just custody issues: people trying to say the child is living with the grandparents, when the child really is not, for example. Or saying the child is living with the dad so he can go to a different school--when he is really living with the mom.
There is another issue, too. This is a really disruptive schedule for a child. Spending one night with one parent and the next with the other or one week here and one week there during the school term is just not a good idea. Who signs the papers? Who makes the decisions? Who supervises the homework? Which house has the child's stuff. The teacher does not even know who is in charge. And, the child does not either.

It is one thing to switch off occasionally. Switching off daily--or even weekly is a terrible idea. Kids need security. How would you like switching houses every other week? Let the other parent take the kid out for dinner and spend time with him in the evenings--but kid needs to have a home.

When parents are married who is in charge? The mom or the dad? The parent with the child that day signs the paper after consulting with the other parent, the parent with the child that night supervises homework. The child knows who's in charge, both parents consulting together--they are still coparents. Why would a divorce make one parent in charge and the other not. I've been divorced for four years and have never had an issue with who signs papers or with teachers being confused about who is in charge. They treat us both like their parents, just as they did before the divorce. My kids consider both places their home. They have a strong bond with both of us. I find it completely inappropriate when people like you assume that one parent is automatically in charge. In a healthy coparenting relationship.both parent are in charge together.

I am all about division of duties. I'm married and one of us is "in charge" of school-related items. I check Blackboard to see what assignments are due. When a note comes home (to both of us) I respond to it (usually checking with him and consulting him). Kid needs something signed/bought, I am the one he tells.

On the other hand, DH gets DC out in the morning. DH is responding to 2-hour late starts and packing lunch and breakfast and making sure DC remembers to take something to school.

And During sports seasons, DH is the one in charge of communicating with coach/other teammates. Defined responsibilities works for us. We tried it the other way. When we each thought that the other may do it, a proverbial ball inevitably got dropped.

OP - I personally think kids need to know who to go to for each general thing. Otherwise DH and I could each answer a simple question differently and the potential us being pitted against each other is higher. Of course, We do consult on big decisions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op when you say that the father moved out of the school district do you mean out of the county or the current school boundary? I believe the principal is referring to out of the county.

In our case, it's out of the school boundary. He is still in Fairfax County overall though.

If both parents are in Fairfax County, then the child's primary residence needs to be primarily inside the school's catchment area. The school probably wouldn't notice or care if the child spent one week at one parent's house and another week at the other parent's house as long as the child was at school and picked up on time every day. No transportation would be provided to the parent home outside the school boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Principal's answer is bizarre, probably based on regs, but bizarre!

Not the principal, but I doubt anyone really checks. However, there are reasons for this. It probably applies to more than just custody issues: people trying to say the child is living with the grandparents, when the child really is not, for example. Or saying the child is living with the dad so he can go to a different school--when he is really living with the mom.
There is another issue, too. This is a really disruptive schedule for a child. Spending one night with one parent and the next with the other or one week here and one week there during the school term is just not a good idea. Who signs the papers? Who makes the decisions? Who supervises the homework? Which house has the child's stuff. The teacher does not even know who is in charge. And, the child does not either.

It is one thing to switch off occasionally. Switching off daily--or even weekly is a terrible idea. Kids need security. How would you like switching houses every other week? Let the other parent take the kid out for dinner and spend time with him in the evenings--but kid needs to have a home.

When parents are married who is in charge? The mom or the dad? The parent with the child that day signs the paper after consulting with the other parent, the parent with the child that night supervises homework. The child knows who's in charge, both parents consulting together--they are still coparents. Why would a divorce make one parent in charge and the other not. I've been divorced for four years and have never had an issue with who signs papers or with teachers being confused about who is in charge. They treat us both like their parents, just as they did before the divorce. My kids consider both places their home. They have a strong bond with both of us. I find it completely inappropriate when people like you assume that one parent is automatically in charge. In a healthy coparenting relationship.both parent are in charge together.

In FCPS, only one parent is considered the "enrolling parent." This applies to married couples or divorced couples with joint custody. If there is a disagreement about something, the enrolling parent's decision prevails. For example, if one parent agreed with an IEP decision, but the enrolling parent didn't then the enrolling parent's denial would stand. This is all outlined in the regulations. If parents cannot decide who will be the "enrolling parent" the school will simply pull one name out of a hat. You can search for how various scenarios are handled by looking up "custody" in the regulations. In the case where parents are divorced and one parent lives outside the county, the parent who resides in the county would automatically be the enrolling parent, even if they had 50/50 custody.

Of course both parents are always in charge, and in 98% of cases parents can come to an agreement about what they want for their child. Both parents can sign permission slips, attend conferences, pick up the child, etc. But in those extremely rare cases where two parents (whether married or divorced) might be in disagreement with one another about a school decision affecting their child, the school goes with the decision of the enrolling parent.

In our case, it's out of the school boundary. He is still in Fairfax County overall though.

Sounds like you can do whatever works for you, then.

Anonymous wrote:Op when you say that the father moved out of the school district do you mean out of the county or the current school boundary? I believe the principal is referring to out of the county.

In our case, it's out of the school boundary. He is still in Fairfax County overall though.

Anonymous wrote:

Principal's answer is bizarre, probably based on regs, but bizarre!

Not the principal, but I doubt anyone really checks. However, there are reasons for this. It probably applies to more than just custody issues: people trying to say the child is living with the grandparents, when the child really is not, for example. Or saying the child is living with the dad so he can go to a different school--when he is really living with the mom.
There is another issue, too. This is a really disruptive schedule for a child. Spending one night with one parent and the next with the other or one week here and one week there during the school term is just not a good idea. Who signs the papers? Who makes the decisions? Who supervises the homework? Which house has the child's stuff. The teacher does not even know who is in charge. And, the child does not either.

It is one thing to switch off occasionally. Switching off daily--or even weekly is a terrible idea. Kids need security. How would you like switching houses every other week? Let the other parent take the kid out for dinner and spend time with him in the evenings--but kid needs to have a home.

When parents are married who is in charge? The mom or the dad? The parent with the child that day signs the paper after consulting with the other parent, the parent with the child that night supervises homework. The child knows who's in charge, both parents consulting together--they are still coparents. Why would a divorce make one parent in charge and the other not. I've been divorced for four years and have never had an issue with who signs papers or with teachers being confused about who is in charge. They treat us both like their parents, just as they did before the divorce. My kids consider both places their home. They have a strong bond with both of us. I find it completely inappropriate when people like you assume that one parent is automatically in charge. In a healthy coparenting relationship.both parent are in charge together.

One week with dad, one week with dad is not confusing.

Maybe not to you.

Anonymous wrote:Try teaching a kid who is confused about where he is going to be.

One the routine is set, the child won't be confused unless the days change weekly. One week with dad, one week with dad is not confusing.

Anonymous wrote:Principal here: I don't make the regulations. I just do my best to follow and when necessary, enforce them. OP asked a question, and I tried to answer it . FCPS has taken steps to be very clear about residency determination. No one is interested in telling parents how to make their custody schedule. The school system IS interested in making sure that the students who attend are, in fact, residents of Fairfax County. If two parents split up, and one moves out of the district, that is their own choice. And if they make that choice, they need to know that their child needs to be sleeping inside the district for the majority of the school week. How the parents figure out the day to day schedule within the school week is their business. You don't have to like it, but that is the policy.

Here is the exact language from Regulation 2240. You can look up the entire regulation at www.fcps.edu.

"The natural or adoptive parent or the legal custodian with whom the child physically resides in Fairfax County a preponderance of the school week, and who comes to school to enroll the child, shall be considered the enrolling parent for school purposes."

Hope this helps OP.

To me the line "with whom the child physically resides" could be referring to parent or legal custodian, or just to legal custodian.

Are you saying that if you learned that the parents of one of your students had divorced, with one moving to Loudon, and that they had a one week on/one week off schedule, the child would be asked to leave your school?

Anonymous wrote:Principal here: I don't make the regulations. I just do my best to follow and when necessary, enforce them. OP asked a question, and I tried to answer it . FCPS has taken steps to be very clear about residency determination. No one is interested in telling parents how to make their custody schedule. The school system IS interested in making sure that the students who attend are, in fact, residents of Fairfax County. If two parents split up, and one moves out of the district, that is their own choice. And if they make that choice, they need to know that their child needs to be sleeping inside the district for the majority of the school week. How the parents figure out the day to day schedule within the school week is their business. You don't have to like it, but that is the policy.

Here is the exact language from Regulation 2240. You can look up the entire regulation at www.fcps.edu.

"The natural or adoptive parent or the legal custodian with whom the child physically resides in Fairfax County a preponderance of the school week, and who comes to school to enroll the child, shall be considered the enrolling parent for school purposes."

Hope this helps OP.

I wasn't disputing whether it's the regulation, I just think it's bad policy. If a parent is paying taxes in the county, their child should be allowed to go to school there. This isn't a case where neither parent lives in the district. OP will be paying the same amount of tax regardless of how many nights her child sleeps inside the district. If OP is a resident of the county and is paying taxes, what is the policy behind prohibiting her child from attending the school? That's an entirely different issue than what the regulation says.

Op when you say that the father moved out of the school district do you mean out of the county or the current school boundary? I believe the principal is referring to out of the county.

Principal here: I don't make the regulations. I just do my best to follow and when necessary, enforce them. OP asked a question, and I tried to answer it . FCPS has taken steps to be very clear about residency determination. No one is interested in telling parents how to make their custody schedule. The school system IS interested in making sure that the students who attend are, in fact, residents of Fairfax County. If two parents split up, and one moves out of the district, that is their own choice. And if they make that choice, they need to know that their child needs to be sleeping inside the district for the majority of the school week. How the parents figure out the day to day schedule within the school week is their business. You don't have to like it, but that is the policy.

Here is the exact language from Regulation 2240. You can look up the entire regulation at www.fcps.edu.

"The natural or adoptive parent or the legal custodian with whom the child physically resides in Fairfax County a preponderance of the school week, and who comes to school to enroll the child, shall be considered the enrolling parent for school purposes."

Hope this helps OP.

poor kid