Anonymous
Post 06/11/2015 03:46     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think some people (I don't want to generalize into men and women, but that's often what it is) see different "needs to do" around the house. My DH and I often work opposite days. It would never occur to him to do the dishes, as the magical dish fairy does them. Much like you, the house renovations get done, or planter boxes built.

I let it be. Looking for work is still work (as is taking courses). For me, dishes aren't such a big deal, if he's contributing. I love the planter boxes that got built last weekend ((although I would have killed to not have had to vacuum).

I don't think it's meant as disrespect. He may want to do "big things" to still feel worthy. Dishes don't make you feel very accomplished at the end of the day (lord I know). Building a planter box makes you feel like you did SOMETHING. he may need that righ now.


This is a really good perspective. (Not the OP - NP here.)
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2015 03:06     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
My DH has had spotty employment since the recession. I work full time +++++. I have greatly resented his lack of contribution to the household chores.

Here is how our discussion goes:

DW : would you clean xyz?
DH : you're the only one who thinks xyz is dirty.

DW: would you fix dinner?
DH: no one eats what I fix. What's the point?

Hopefully you're DH might be more receptive.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2015 00:50     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose husband lost a job about 5 years ago. Because he thinks very highly of himself he still hasn't found one. I don't know what he does all day. Takes long walks. His father is supporting them financially.

Right now she's getting back into the work and it looks like, as soon as she does, it'll be followed by a divorce.


It took her 5 years to get back to work? Those losers are meant for each other.


+1. Right! And while his parents foot the bill. Smh.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 23:05     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
OP your husband meeds to do the dishes AND keep looking for work AND get anything he can right now to bring in some money even if that means working at Wal Mart. He is not facing the cold harsh reality that his services are just not worth what he wants them tk be worth. The job market is trying to tell him something and he is not listening. Either that or he's being lazy and not trying hard enough. The real issue isn't chores, it's lack of job/money.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 22:18     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Being stressed over money can cause many issues in a marriage. Like you stated.

The challenge here is not to let your financial issues affect your union. Easier said than done, but necessary.

I would kindly ask your hubby to wash the dishes, do the laundry and straighten up the home when it needs it.

Stress to him how doggone tired you are after working long hours and are many evenings just too tired to do any household chores.

If he is as kind as you say he is, he will get the message and comply.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:56     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:Would you women be so bitter if money was not an issue? In other words, are you mostly upset about the finances, or does it just bum you out that your DHs may be around the house more than you'd anticipated?


Well I'm the poster whose DH was laid off and he was spectacular at taking care of the house. So much so that I would have loved for him to SAH despite the severe income drop. Had he been as helpless as the OP'S DH, you bet I would have been pissed and I would be a timid as her to voice it. Everyone needs to contribute to the household. Some with money and some with time.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:33     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow I came here to start a similar thread. My DH lost his job early this year and my anger and resentment is really building towards him. He does take care of the kids twice a week, but the house is a mess (I refuse to clean when he's home by himself 3 days a week) and I'm just really bitter that our goals have to be put on hold because he's out of a job yet again (he was also laid off during the last recession). Sigh


How old is your DH? You do know that the suicide rate among laid-off middle-age men is going through the roof, right? Have you thought about how you're going to feel if he picks up on your anger and resentment and ends up committing suicide?


Do you have suggestions because my feet are sore from walking around on eggshells.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:30     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:Would you women be so bitter if money was not an issue? In other words, are you mostly upset about the finances, or does it just bum you out that your DHs may be around the house more than you'd anticipated?


19:11 here, interesting question. Fortunately, I can support our current lifestyle on my salary alone. But I am irritated that I don't think DH is giving his all to his time away from the workforce. He's not studying for certifications or doing hardcore networking or fixing things around our condo or just giving the place a deep cleaning. If the subject comes up it turns into an argument because he feels he is making good use of his time. I'm sure part of him is depressed at the current state of his career but something is going to have to give soon. So yeah, even if money weren't an issue there would still be some bitterness there.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:23     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow I came here to start a similar thread. My DH lost his job early this year and my anger and resentment is really building towards him. He does take care of the kids twice a week, but the house is a mess (I refuse to clean when he's home by himself 3 days a week) and I'm just really bitter that our goals have to be put on hold because he's out of a job yet again (he was also laid off during the last recession). Sigh


How old is your DH? You do know that the suicide rate among laid-off middle-age men is going through the roof, right? Have you thought about how you're going to feel if he picks up on your anger and resentment and ends up committing suicide?


Might be time to look at the life insurance policy
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:19     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:Wow I came here to start a similar thread. My DH lost his job early this year and my anger and resentment is really building towards him. He does take care of the kids twice a week, but the house is a mess (I refuse to clean when he's home by himself 3 days a week) and I'm just really bitter that our goals have to be put on hold because he's out of a job yet again (he was also laid off during the last recession). Sigh


How old is your DH? You do know that the suicide rate among laid-off middle-age men is going through the roof, right? Have you thought about how you're going to feel if he picks up on your anger and resentment and ends up committing suicide?
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:16     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Would you women be so bitter if money was not an issue? In other words, are you mostly upset about the finances, or does it just bum you out that your DHs may be around the house more than you'd anticipated?
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 19:11     Subject: Re:DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Wow I came here to start a similar thread. My DH lost his job early this year and my anger and resentment is really building towards him. He does take care of the kids twice a week, but the house is a mess (I refuse to clean when he's home by himself 3 days a week) and I'm just really bitter that our goals have to be put on hold because he's out of a job yet again (he was also laid off during the last recession). Sigh
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 18:53     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose husband lost a job about 5 years ago. Because he thinks very highly of himself he still hasn't found one. I don't know what he does all day. Takes long walks. His father is supporting them financially.

Right now she's getting back into the work and it looks like, as soon as she does, it'll be followed by a divorce.


It took her 5 years to get back to work? Those losers are meant for each other.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 18:53     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: constructions workers who are unemployed for more than a month are unacceptable


I'm the above poster and it's not always easy getting a new job, especially one that pays well. My DH would not take under 220k, so it took awhile.


Construction workers get 220k?


You made a blanket statement, you got a blanket response.

If you were so concerned with construction workers, then IFTFY
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2015 18:40     Subject: DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.
I don't get it. Can you just ask him (nicely) to wash the dishes?

I don't get why this has to be dramatic. It's seems like a reasonable request. Am I missing something?