Anonymous wrote:Re: 16:13, it took me a while to understand how much it means to parents to be able to invite their friends. I thought of my wedding as primarily DH's and my day, but now I understand how our parents saw it a bit as their day, a culmination of everything they had done to raise us. I also later realized my parents' wedding was planned by their parents, so it's logical that they expected to plan more of mine. Watch for this generation gap.

You know, all growing up my mother told me all about how she was forced to borrow her friend's wedding dress, they picked the menu, how her parents set the invite list and only "allowed her" to invite a set number of friends to her own wedding, and how miserable she was about that. The very FIRST time she cackled about getting to do to me at my wedding what her parents did to her, I stopped my mom cold. "Mom, your parents made you miserable. You claim to love me, so why would you be excited at the idea of making me miserable? If you ever say this again, I'll happily pay for my own wedding to have complete control and you'll be lucky to even be invited." She never said another word.

Ensure you pick a maid/matron of honor who will respect the position.

My maid of honor was my younger cousin and she embarassed me horribly in front of my new family, friends, and colleagues with her mean spirited speech. I found out that she's been jealous of me all her life. I'll never speak to her again. I should have asked other close friends or my two sisters in law to fulfill the role.

Open bar, even if family members don't drink, other guests will.

Enough bar tenders! I hate having to wait in a long line for drinks! Not sure what Indian weddings entail, but cocktail hour should not be longer than one hour. People get sick of talking to the same people and are ready to sit after standing for awhile.

Make sure your photographer has a back-up plan. My photographer had a death in the family and didn't have anyone who could do the work in their absence. I still feel sad about not having real wedding pictures. My mom bought a bunch of disposable cameras for the guests to document the day and collected them afterward. But it's not the same as real professional artistically rendered photos.

This is amazingly useful, thanks everyone! And no, I definitely wanted to trim the guest list down to 200 (which is tiny by Indian terms) - that is currently a point of contention as my parents want to invite their second and third cousins who they grew up with - and his grandparents want to invite THEIR second cousins! Might end up a nightmare trying to please everyone. But I am keeping all the advice in mind.

Anonymous wrote:Oh I have thought about this so much OP:

1. Make sure the spouse you have picked is appropriate.

2. What do people remember most about weddings? If the bride looked crappy and the DJ was bad. So make sure those things don't happen!

3. The photographer is also very important, as pps stated. Everything except this and the above you can go cheap. But make sure you're pretty, the DJ is good, and the photographer is good.

4. Don't give up too easily on your dreams. I always wanted a small, simple wedding but DH's parents wanted to invite everyone they knew. I let it go because I didn't want a fight but sometimes I wished I hadn't. Don't be a bridezilla but don't be afraid to assert yourself.

I have never seen a crappy looking bride! Even if their dresses or veil or flowers aren't my style they have all been beautiful.

No favors. Use the money for 700 favors to do a premium bar or passed hors d'oeuvres or video on top of photography or a dessert bar or something. They don't want the favor. Just make the reception experience as awesome as possible.

Make sure your dress matches your venue. It's weird when the bride at a beach wedding has a full ball gown and when a church wedding bride has a boho drapey dress. Nail down your venue THEN dress shop.

The dress you buy will almost guaranteed be the polar opposite of the style you think you like most in pictures. This is okay.

Do not order cake for 700. Order cake for 450-500. Lots of people don't bother eating the cake.

No cheesy slideshows of childhood pictures set to "We are Family" and "Isn't She Lovely" allowed.

Only use high end strippers at the bachelor party....tres mamasitas for 30 pesos isnt worth it

Don't be surprised if your parents' expectations are totally unreasonable. My mom compared all the prices to what things cost at her wedding in 1978. Drove me up the wall!

Remember that they may have been invited to many, many of their friends' children's weddings recently, and it will be very awkward for them if they can't reciprocate.

Accept that this is going to cost a ton of money and be a ton of work, and go into it with that expectation. Your fiance must understand this as well!

For me the biggest issue was the guest list. We wanted a small wedding, and for years I got grief from people who weren't invited. No one cared about the favors or decorations or even my dress.

Anonymous wrote:Oh I have thought about this so much OP:

1. Make sure the spouse you have picked is appropriate.

2. What do people remember most about weddings? If the bride looked crappy and the DJ was bad. So make sure those things don't happen!

3. The photographer is also very important, as pps stated. Everything except this and the above you can go cheap. But make sure you're pretty, the DJ is good, and the photographer is good.

4. Don't give up too easily on your dreams. I always wanted a small, simple wedding but DH's parents wanted to invite everyone they knew. I let it go because I didn't want a fight but sometimes I wished I hadn't. Don't be a bridezilla but don't be afraid to assert yourself.

The guests care most about their comfort--do you have enough food and drinks (and are they good)? is it too hot or too cold? Is there a place for them to sit? Do they have to walk too far? Is there a huge gap between the ceremony and reception with nothing to do?

We had a December wedding and used a very reputable florist - my bouquet arrived wilted (roses) Don't know if it was the temperature outside/inside the van/ something else

Re: 16:13, it took me a while to understand how much it means to parents to be able to invite their friends. I thought of my wedding as primarily DH's and my day, but now I understand how our parents saw it a bit as their day, a culmination of everything they had done to raise us. I also later realized my parents' wedding was planned by their parents, so it's logical that they expected to plan more of mine. Watch for this generation gap.

Skip favors. They always get left at the table anyway