OP recurrent miscarriage is a form of infertility, the worst kind. I experienced 2 late first trimester m/c's (chromosome issues) and was a basket case emotionally, and there was no way I would risk getting pregnant again only to experience that pain. We went to an RE that recommended IVF with PGD and even though it was stressful and expensive, it was the best option. I produced 10 eggs and 6 fertilized, but testing showed that only one was healthy and that is my amazing DS.

You sound like me but after multiple losses I stopped getting pregnant at all and moved onto adoption - so I would think the multiple miscarriages could be telling you your fertility is waning and may end soon. I think adoption is a wonderful option - but not without its own expenses and complications


Good luck with your decision

Please tell your DH that the 45yo who had a kid...it was a DE kid. I'm about to be 45 and doing a DE FET. I won't be broadcasting that it isn't my egg, but yeah, when I see an older Mom, I assume DE.

OP here. I did go see an RE, but I think we went too soon. We ran to an RE after the first miscarriage since I'm AMA. We did all the testing she recommended at the time, although we didn't do a few of the tests, based on THEIR recommendations. For example, we didn't test my ovarian reserve. They were of the opinion that hell, I'm AMA, we know what the general answer is. But I did all the bloodwork and all the hormone tests, etc. Everything came back normal with no flags. OB and PCP have done all the testing they can think of. All 3 seemed in agreement that there isn't an issue to fix EXCEPT I'm AMA and I'm gambling each time an egg drops as to whether it's good enough to make it through the entire process.

We walked away from our first RE experience feeling like there wasn't an obvious issue to fix and so why not try it on our own, when we obviously seemed to be having no problem getting pregnant. It seemed like such an arduous and expensive process to get involved with if we could do this another way. I guess it's now just a matter of us deciding that now after 3 miscarriages, and a year of time passing, that we need to reassess our plan. DH is still wanting to try at least one more time naturally. We don't know what caused the first one (we didn't test b/c dr advised against it). The second one was actually a blighted ovum and basically never got off the ground. The third one was chromosomal abnormality. So in his mind, it's not like there's one clear issue that's causing all this and that each time is a new start. I do think he's in complete denial over my age--another product of the "hey look--she's 45 and she had a kid" phenomenon.

ugh. This journey is so hard. For all of us.

OP, an OB is really not qualified to help you make decisions about how to move forward. As others have said, get to an RE ASAP. Who knows, testing may reveal an obvious issue that can be treated or otherwise mitigated without IVF. I think natural cylce IVF is unlikely to be a sensible option for you, but you actually don't know right now if your miscarriages are due to egg quality issues or something else. Testing can help.

OP here. Thanks for the support. You ladies are the best.

OP, you sound like me a few weeks ago. I was conceiving easily but kept losing my pregnancies for various reasons. (Then I couldn't get pregnant anymore.) Now I'm nearly 40 and decided it was time to stop f*$%ing around. We have no insurance coverage and we are NOT wealthy people... I was terrified (and pissed) about spending so much money... I was so afraid of all the drugs and injections... And it was no big deal. Now, everyone reacts differently, but the injections were nearly painless - I could do them myself - and I did not react badly to the meds. Egg retrieval was also not a big deal; I was sore for a few days but nothing that required even Tylenol. Even if we don't have success with this, I don't regret it. We tried everything. We couldn't not do it.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm 42. I'm surprised I've been able to get pregnant easily. But having said that... it's not like I can try every month. The reality is, there's the weeks of conception, then 6-8 weeks pregnant, then spend another 5-8 weeks recovering physically from the miscarriage/D&C before I can try again. So it's a several month process each time I try.

At my age, I'm clearly running out of time and I am really trying to comes to grips with whether I should do IVF in order to take advantage of the process whereby they can identify and implant a healthy looking egg or keep trying naturally.

I'm afraid of the impact of spending all that money. I'm afraid of having bad/hard reactions to meds. I'm afraid of shots. I'm afraid of the procedures. I'm afraid of failing. ACK.

I was like you - but started at 39. So scared of the whole entire process, particularly the shots! And then the actual procedure of retrieval - I'd never ever been sick or had a medical procedure in my life. It really wasn't that bad, honestly. I did have my husband give me the shots, but it was just over a week - no small in the scheme of things. The retrieval was a breeze, but I did get absolutely horrible painful bloating where they thought I might have OHSS (or whatever it is called), bc one of my hormones was sky high before the procedures - turned out that it was insanely awful bloat/gas. In the end, all worth it and I would totally go through it again. My pregnancy is what did me in - I am one and done. But that is a different story and not related to fertility. Good Luck!! Go for it!!