Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:42
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:You are totally overreacting and should get over yourself.
+1
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:36
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.
From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.
OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.
Right but do it at another time. Doesn't that make more sense?
No, it does not. Not if the SIL does not want to spend time with just her ILs. Vacation time is precious. Maybe SIL feels that she needs some downtime and having her parents will ensure that her kids will be looked after if she needs a nap. You just do not know the dynamics of OPs family and her tone sounds very selfish.
If I was in the shoes of the SIL and had to spend my vacation with my DH's sister, sister's kid, DH's mother and DH's grandmother - I would shoot myself.
Furthermore, SILs parents are staying in a hotel. That means that they are there to spend time with their grandchild, son-in-law, and daughter -AND they are not piling on.
I am curious why the big need for OP to have only her family at the vacation. When kids are involved, I always feel that the more adults the better. It is not a honeymoon, it is a family vacation with multiple generation.
I find the OP to be passive-aggressive towards the SIL and also the brother.
I don't know the dynamics of her family - NOR DO YOU! Yet you can call her selfish?
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:29
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
I can't believe you're getting flamed, OP.
I think it's completely reasonable for you to be miffed about this.
Of course SIL should be okay with going on vacation with "only" her DH's family. It's called being an adult.
Her family needs to plan a separate vacation.
I think it's completely reasonable for you to be miffed about this.
Of course SIL should be okay with going on vacation with "only" her DH's family. It's called being an adult.
Her family needs to plan a separate vacation.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:29
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Is this a Saturday to Saturday vacation? If so then you will have sat, sun, mon, tues with you own family only. That's not so bad. Might be a good idea to have a couple new people come in mid week to change the dynamic.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:25
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
OP I think you were caught off guard and suddenly imagined your vision of the vacation evaporating. I'm guessing you're someone who has clear expectations of how things are going to play out.
Breathe. When you think about it you'll have plenty of time with your mom and grandmother. You'll have breakfast, lunch and dinner with them for days. And my guess is that the ILs will not be showing up at the house for breakfast each morning, or even lunch. Maybe for some meals everyone will be together and some not. Your kids will have plenty of downtime with your mom.
Breathe. When you think about it you'll have plenty of time with your mom and grandmother. You'll have breakfast, lunch and dinner with them for days. And my guess is that the ILs will not be showing up at the house for breakfast each morning, or even lunch. Maybe for some meals everyone will be together and some not. Your kids will have plenty of downtime with your mom.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:23
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:When you were asked you should have replied exactly as you said here - that you were looking forward to a week of cousin time and a chance to visit with four generations of your own family. You didn't voice your opinion so I'm afraid your brother is right, they did ask and you held your tongue. What's done is done.
Maybe if she had replied that she only wants her own family, SIL would have nixed the idea and stayed home with her kids.
Maybe, the SIL wanted to have a vacation with her own family but she was willing to accommodate her husband's side of the family - and this was the workaround that worked for the brother and SIL.
Once your sibling or offspring marries - their spouse comes first. Everyone needs to remember that and be respectful and accomodating. I think it was very nice of the brother and SIL to even ask OP's opinion.
What would the OP had said and done if her brother would have declined to come to the vacation because they had already made plans with his spouse's family?
OP, these occasions allow you to actually foster better relations with your extended family. Don't squander it.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:20
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.
From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.
OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.
Then SIL should plan a vacation with her own family. Seperately.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:17
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.
From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.
OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.
Right but do it at another time. Doesn't that make more sense?
No, it does not. Not if the SIL does not want to spend time with just her ILs. Vacation time is precious. Maybe SIL feels that she needs some downtime and having her parents will ensure that her kids will be looked after if she needs a nap. You just do not know the dynamics of OPs family and her tone sounds very selfish.
If I was in the shoes of the SIL and had to spend my vacation with my DH's sister, sister's kid, DH's mother and DH's grandmother - I would shoot myself.
Furthermore, SILs parents are staying in a hotel. That means that they are there to spend time with their grandchild, son-in-law, and daughter -AND they are not piling on.
I am curious why the big need for OP to have only her family at the vacation. When kids are involved, I always feel that the more adults the better. It is not a honeymoon, it is a family vacation with multiple generation.
I find the OP to be passive-aggressive towards the SIL and also the brother.
Sounds like you are just as selfish as OP's SIL.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:15
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
When you were asked you should have replied exactly as you said here - that you were looking forward to a week of cousin time and a chance to visit with four generations of your own family. You didn't voice your opinion so I'm afraid your brother is right, they did ask and you held your tongue. What's done is done.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:06
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.
From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.
OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.
Right but do it at another time. Doesn't that make more sense?
No, it does not. Not if the SIL does not want to spend time with just her ILs. Vacation time is precious. Maybe SIL feels that she needs some downtime and having her parents will ensure that her kids will be looked after if she needs a nap. You just do not know the dynamics of OPs family and her tone sounds very selfish.
If I was in the shoes of the SIL and had to spend my vacation with my DH's sister, sister's kid, DH's mother and DH's grandmother - I would shoot myself.
Furthermore, SILs parents are staying in a hotel. That means that they are there to spend time with their grandchild, son-in-law, and daughter -AND they are not piling on.
I am curious why the big need for OP to have only her family at the vacation. When kids are involved, I always feel that the more adults the better. It is not a honeymoon, it is a family vacation with multiple generation.
I find the OP to be passive-aggressive towards the SIL and also the brother.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:06
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are totally overreacting and should get over yourself.
I agree. The more the merrier.
+1
Anonymous
05/30/2015 20:01
Subject: Re:Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:Are they staying Wed-Fri or Wed- Sun?
Wed-Sat, leave Sat
I appreciate all the replies so far, even the bitch one. I have a tendency to get huffy without considering all sides, and this may have been one of those times. I will be gracious and make them feel welcome, no matter how I feel inside.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 19:54
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:You are totally overreacting and should get over yourself.
I agree. The more the merrier.
Anonymous
05/30/2015 19:54
Subject: Uninvited Guests on vacation
Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.
From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.
OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.
Right but do it at another time. Doesn't that make more sense?
Anonymous
05/30/2015 19:53
Subject: Re:Uninvited Guests on vacation
Are they staying Wed-Fri or Wed- Sun?