Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 17:29     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:I read posts of DWs saying if DH initiates, they are not turned down. How does your DH initiate? Is it as simple as, honey...im in the mood, can we..."? I am curious...


One of the DWs. It's either a verbal thing (sometimes blunt statements and sometimes more indirect like "maybe we should save water and shower together" or "soooo, do you need help falling asleep?") or a physical thing (suggestive touches of various sorts) or, more likely a combo.

I initiate plenty too, and we pretty much use very similar cues.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 17:21     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When I was married happily, mine asked if I wanted to "muck muck." I know, corny. But he was an affectionate and doting guy so I didn't feel it was an isolated request. Also he was a morning guy, and he was very snuggle-ly. He passed away. I miss him.


I'm so sorry, PP. Hugs.


I'm so sorry, too. That has to suck. The good ones always are taken from us too soon.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 17:14     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:When I was married happily, mine asked if I wanted to "muck muck." I know, corny. But he was an affectionate and doting guy so I didn't feel it was an isolated request. Also he was a morning guy, and he was very snuggle-ly. He passed away. I miss him.


So sorry to hear that, PP.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 15:56     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
I think sex is a lot like a conversation. If you like each other, the more conversations you have, the more you have to talk about. And, if there is a lull in the conversation, it's not awkward.

But, if you never talk, then you might find the start of a conversation awkward, the pauses will mostly be uneasy, and it will be tough to find things to talk about.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 15:54     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
I got the "you only touch me when you want sex" comment once. I was baffled. I'll bet it was less than 1 in 10 times where I touched my wife and tried to escalate it to sex.

She just didn't register the non-sexual touches and only noticed my attention when she regarded it as sexual and negative.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 15:16     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Morning-sex-having pp here. I read a great book a few years ago called "spousonomics" about the microeconomic questions within marriage, like how to divide chores fairly. It had a chapter on sex and supply/demand, and the lesson was: reduce the cost of initiation. One way you can do that is to increase supply--have sex more often and it's less of a huge deal each time.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 15:15     Subject: Re:DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:Are you all happy with the way your DH initiates? I was not happy with being groped without any affection otherwise.


Me too. Any touches means he's horny and wants to get laid - makes me feel used....
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:56     Subject: Re:DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Actually, the day he stops wanting to grope me is the day I start getting worried. I am happy DH can't keep his hands off me.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:46     Subject: Re:DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Are you all happy with the way your DH initiates? I was not happy with being groped without any affection otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:42     Subject: Re:DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
My DH never initiates at all. Maybe in my next marriage.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:32     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"She hates the fact that 1)he never kisses her and 2)any affection always has to lead to sex."

I don't know if I speak for all men, but dw had to explain this to me to get it. When she was in a period of low drive, I tried my best to leave her alone, and only touched her when I really needed sex. This made sense to me, but now I get why she didn't like it. Now we're affectionate (but not intimate) every day, and it makes us both happy.


+1

The more DH snuggles me, the more I initiate.

If DH initiates, it usually involves boob/butt grabbing, kissing, and asking if I'm not too tired after the kids are asleep and/or if it seems like the kids are down for the night (little kids make things a little more complicated, yo!).


P.S. I do indeed turn down DH sometimes. I think to do otherwise implies the woman doesn't have/doesn't deserve control over her own sex drive/body. But, that said, I don't turn him down often.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:29     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:When I was married happily, mine asked if I wanted to "muck muck." I know, corny. But he was an affectionate and doting guy so I didn't feel it was an isolated request. Also he was a morning guy, and he was very snuggle-ly. He passed away. I miss him.


I'm so sorry, PP. Hugs.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:28     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
Anonymous wrote:"She hates the fact that 1)he never kisses her and 2)any affection always has to lead to sex."

I don't know if I speak for all men, but dw had to explain this to me to get it. When she was in a period of low drive, I tried my best to leave her alone, and only touched her when I really needed sex. This made sense to me, but now I get why she didn't like it. Now we're affectionate (but not intimate) every day, and it makes us both happy.


+1

The more DH snuggles me, the more I initiate.

If DH initiates, it usually involves boob/butt grabbing, kissing, and asking if I'm not too tired after the kids are asleep and/or if it seems like the kids are down for the night (little kids make things a little more complicated, yo!).
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:26     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
we have sex in the morning often. DH is up a bit before me and will say "drop yer drawers!" great way to wake up
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2015 14:16     Subject: DWs who say they never turn down DH, how does DH initiate?
When I was married happily, mine asked if I wanted to "muck muck." I know, corny. But he was an affectionate and doting guy so I didn't feel it was an isolated request. Also he was a morning guy, and he was very snuggle-ly. He passed away. I miss him.