Anonymous wrote:When you plan to visit - allow your sibling lots of notice and suggest that, as much as you'd like to see them - it might be a good time for them to leave town on their own vacation. Or ask them - "anytime you want to get away. Let me know, and I'll arrange my visit for that time to look after Mom/Dad"

That is, if "being on call" is stressful for them.

This is the PP who cares for my mom with no help from my brothers. This is very good advice. I've asked my brothers to come once and awhile so I can take a vacation. They always have an excuse so I've had to hire help to get out of town. I would be very appreciative of them offering something like this.

I care for my elderly mother here in the DC area. My two brothers live far away and never come to help or even visit. It can make me resentful if I let it, but instead I try to appreciate that they both call her often. One of them calls her every day. She loves that. And if there's an unexpected expense for her, he always offers to pay for it. So I realize that's the limit of what they will do and am thankful for that.

OP, try to set some money aside each month so that when the going gets tough, you will be able to be on-site without financial stress, or able to contribute financially.

Can you do paperwork? Can you keep track of appointments from afar? Can you be the one to find clothes for your loved on (order online). Can you be the one to remember all the other caregivers and send thank you's from both yourself and your parent.

Can you act as a case manager in absentia.. I'm not sure if it is doable, but when I was caring for my parents, just the paperwork and the keeping track of everything was just too much. I wanted a care manager to handle stuff and coordinate the care of the 3 adults I was responsible for.

Can you be the person who keeps track of your parents money, files taxes, invests, pays bills (not necessarily from your account, but from your parents.)