Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:safety violations. We've only spanked a handful of times (less than 5 for 2 kids). The last one was when my 5 yo went into the pool by herself, against my instructions. she's never done it again.

"Why do you not go into the pool by yourself?"
- "Because Mommy will beat me if I do."

I wonder if that's the lesson you wanted to teach...How about first getting over your own fear then sitting down calmly, explaining why it is dangerous, teaching your child how to swim safely and how to use the pool responsibly? I seriously don't get parents who think their spanking teaches anything but fear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:safety violations. We've only spanked a handful of times (less than 5 for 2 kids). The last one was when my 5 yo went into the pool by herself, against my instructions. she's never done it again.

"Why do you not go into the pool by yourself?"
- "Because Mommy will beat me if I do."

I wonder if that's the lesson you wanted to teach...How about first getting over your own fear then sitting down calmly, explaining why it is dangerous, teaching your child how to swim safely and how to use the pool responsibly? I seriously don't get parents who think their spanking teaches anything but fear.

Because they are 5 and just because you've said it to them a dozen+ times doesn't mean they will always listen/remember.

We also spank for safety reasons (bolting into the street and what not). DD is 5, only had to do it once and she hasn't done it since. If you ask her why she doesn't run into the street she will tell you
"because it isn't safe. Always look to make sure no cars are coming."

OP, I don't know. DH thinks an occasional spanking is okay, I am against it. DC is too young for punishment (19 mo). I do see myself doing it if DC ever does something that could seriously harm her (running into the street, etc). I have no idea though.

Willfully disobeying. Defiance. Talking back. Safety violations.

Anonymous wrote:safety violations. We've only spanked a handful of times (less than 5 for 2 kids). The last one was when my 5 yo went into the pool by herself, against my instructions. she's never done it again.

"Why do you not go into the pool by yourself?"
- "Because Mommy will beat me if I do."

I wonder if that's the lesson you wanted to teach...How about first getting over your own fear then sitting down calmly, explaining why it is dangerous, teaching your child how to swim safely and how to use the pool responsibly? I seriously don't get parents who think their spanking teaches anything but fear.

safety violations. We've only spanked a handful of times (less than 5 for 2 kids). The last one was when my 5 yo went into the pool by herself, against my instructions. she's never done it again.

Dangerous situations: Trying to take off from me when in a parking lot.

Screaming at the top of his lungs because he was mad. The single swat on his covered rear end got his attention. I suppose I could have tried my Grandmother's solution -- ice cold water thrown in his face.

This was years ago when spanking was still acceptable, and in some situations expected. Even his pediatrician recommended a single swat to get him to put an end to his immediate behavior, so we could move on to dealing with whatever the issue was. Flame away, at the time it was the advice given.

I only spanked my son once, when he was 5. We were getting ready to go to my dad's funeral, and he spat at my mother when she tried to comb his hair. We were all very upset, I just couldn't believe he would do that to my mom on that particular day.

Anonymous wrote:When I was little my mother spanked me. Maybe just once or twice. But she would refer to it for years later as a fear tactic to get me to stop whatever behavior she was objecting to. it was one of the things that poisoned our relationship. I remember thinking that one day I would be bigger than her. And one day I was and that wasn't a tool that she had any more.

My father never spanked me. One day, after a nasty fight with my mother over something or other (I was 4 or 5), my father came home and my mother told him to take me in the other room and give me a spanking. So he took me in the other room and shut the door. He took off his belt and laid me across his knee. Then he put his hand over my bottom and whipped it. To my mother it must have sounded like a pretty good whipping. He stood me up and showed me his hand, which was red. "See how your behavior hurts your father?" I loved my father more than anything and that stuck with me. It's one of my very earliest memories. More effective than any spanking could have ever been.

My father and I were best friends for many, many years. I knew that not only would he never hurt me but he would take the pain for me if necessary.

Interesting. My mother came from the exact opposite direction. She spanked regularly but told anyone who listened that she didn't believe in spanking, and to this day claims she never spanked either my brother or I.

Anonymous wrote:When I was little my mother spanked me. Maybe just once or twice. But she would refer to it for years later as a fear tactic to get me to stop whatever behavior she was objecting to. it was one of the things that poisoned our relationship. I remember thinking that one day I would be bigger than her. And one day I was and that wasn't a tool that she had any more.

My father never spanked me. One day, after a nasty fight with my mother over something or other (I was 4 or 5), my father came home and my mother told him to take me in the other room and give me a spanking. So he took me in the other room and shut the door. He took off his belt and laid me across his knee. Then he put his hand over my bottom and whipped it. To my mother it must have sounded like a pretty good whipping. He stood me up and showed me his hand, which was red. "See how your behavior hurts your father?" I loved my father more than anything and that stuck with me. It's one of my very earliest memories. More effective than any spanking could have ever been.

My father and I were best friends for many, many years. I knew that not only would he never hurt me but he would take the pain for me if necessary.

This is why people need to post this stuff. You have actually changed my perspective on this. Thank you for sharing this.

I think it's good to let kids know that there is something bigger than time out, no electronics or a good talking to.

When I was little my mother spanked me. Maybe just once or twice. But she would refer to it for years later as a fear tactic to get me to stop whatever behavior she was objecting to. it was one of the things that poisoned our relationship. I remember thinking that one day I would be bigger than her. And one day I was and that wasn't a tool that she had any more.

My father never spanked me. One day, after a nasty fight with my mother over something or other (I was 4 or 5), my father came home and my mother told him to take me in the other room and give me a spanking. So he took me in the other room and shut the door. He took off his belt and laid me across his knee. Then he put his hand over my bottom and whipped it. To my mother it must have sounded like a pretty good whipping. He stood me up and showed me his hand, which was red. "See how your behavior hurts your father?" I loved my father more than anything and that stuck with me. It's one of my very earliest memories. More effective than any spanking could have ever been.

My father and I were best friends for many, many years. I knew that not only would he never hurt me but he would take the pain for me if necessary.

I was spanked a few times when I was little for taking sweets from the basement without asking. I didn't stop taking sweets but I lost my trust in my parents. That almost magical thing children share with their parents that includes "I love you and will never hurt you.". I still remember the spankings and while they didn't make me stop the behavior they did make me stop trusting my parents. They made me withdraw. They made me become sneaky. I learned to avoid getting caught. I learned to avoid getting hit. I don't have a very good relationship with my parents now...I did before I got hit for the first time. I will never break my children's trust like that.

We don't spank and I will tell you why. I was spanked exactly once and I have never forgotten it.

I don't blame my father, I had terrified him. I was 5 years old and I had wandered off and they had an entire campsite looking for me for 20 minutes. When I was found he was hysterical and he spanked me several times saying to me "Don't you ever run off again" I was never hit before or after, but that stuck with me horribly.

I'll never do that to my children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We rarely do, but if they are in their own zones and need to change coarse we use it for that. Just a swat on the but to get them to pay attention and realize the severity of the situation. It works for us so we do not care what others say about this. I do not like having to repeat myself a hundred times or yell, this helps with that.

I posted this. The thing is you can never spank out of anger.

I disagree. I think a parent who loses control and spanks their kid on a very rare occasion is probably OK. it's like yelling - really not a good discipline strategy in the long run and doesn't do much but get immediate attention, but sometimes we all have those moments. On the flip side, a parent who's totally calm, rational, loving, etc. STILL hitting their kid? That's pretty effed up to me. Almost kind of pervy.

A parent loosing their shit and spanking with a hot temper is better than a parent that is clam???? Really??

Pretty much. Just like a parent who loses their calm and yells a swear word is better than a parent who deliberately makes the choice to scream and swear at their child as a means of discipline. (I mean, neither are good, but hopefully you know what I'm getting at.)