Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about the reality of sahm vs the fantasy of it?

Fantasy: Lunch at pain quotidien with your girlfriends and maybe a nice bikram yoga after
Reality: cold cuts at home. Voga is moving dishes to dishwasher.

Fantasy: Tuesday my gym play dates with DS best friends followed by ice cream at the park
Reality: my gym is too expensive, play date at the public park, ice cream truck becomes a nuisance

Fantasy: rock solid ass toned from jogging around in stroller with DS
Reality: exhausted after 3 loads of laundry, cleaning house and chasing kid around. Ass still big.

Fantasy: drop kid off at play based schooling 2x a week. Enjoy a margarita with bff then home for a quick shower and masterbation sash before heading back to pick up kid
Reality: can't afford play based schooling. Decide on chipotle. Masterbation sounds tiring. Maybe watch hgtv instead.

Just sayin'

This person has it pegged for the early years of being a sahm. Unless you dump your kids in the gym day care 10 hours a week, then this is not always reality. When they're older it gets so much easier.

Op, I was a full time sahm and I look back and really wish I had worked part time, for a piece of myself. To each their own, but I could have done it differently and been happier.

I would not leave the workplace now. If and when you have another child, I would revisit the decision at that time. Agree with PP who stated to buy a house now while you still have two incomes as it's much easier to qualify for your mortgage. I do know lots of families who have a stay at home parent on 100-150k income but they pretty much always had that income. It might be an adjustment for you to have your HHI cut in half. People always think they'll be able to adapt but that's not always the case.

Anonymous wrote:I know people that stay at home with $110,000 yearly income. They all have several children. One child is very easy to manage. If you are having more, wait till you have your second before leaving. Try living on one income now.

This is good advice.
Also, consider going part time. If you are able to do that in your field, that is gold. That is better than being SAHM. For real.

OP, how much do you have saved for your DP? Where do you want to live? I think these are going to be pretty big factors that decide what kind of quality of life you'll have.
It's doable with your husband's income, but I'd try to keep expenses as low as possible.

I don't understand the PP who indicated that Play based preschools are expensive. We pay 260 a month for three mornings a week. We manage that on 80k, so I'm sure OP will be fine.

Make sure you have room in your budget for things like preschool and activities and can still save.

And PP has a good point. Do t go in thinking after 10 years you will still be connected. It just won't happen. Go in thinking you are never going to work (in that filed) again.

Where do you live OP? I think that going from 230k to 110k is going to be a big shock to the system. Not that it can't be done but that your spending is going to drastically change. I wouldn't quit until you have a house. There are a lot of extra costs to buying plus you will qualify for a better mortgage with both salaries. Just remember you will have taxes and insurance and lots of "other" costs as a homeowner. Do you have an emergency fund? Definitely get that beefed up before quitting also.

I think the bigger thing is that you won't be maxing out your 401k any longer. It is doubtful your DH will be maxing out his also -- at least until you figure out your adjusted budget. Also what about college savings?

It can be done of course but I think it is harder to do this when there is such a drastic drop in income.

Couple of initial thoughts:

1) Buy your house before you do this. Easier to qualify on two incomes. Be sure to buy only a house you can afford on one income.

2) This idea that you'll blog and stay connected with your field is a nice one, but it probably won't happen.

Sounds like insanity. Your hubby does not earn enough and you'll deeply regret leaving your good job.

Why aren't we ever considering the consequences of care that is:

1. Unstable
2. Incompetent or
3. Unloving ?

Isn't the QUALITY of available/affordable care an ESSENTIAL ingredient in this debate?

This is why parents are making the MISTAKE of first deciding to be dual-income (with the resulting high-cost lifestyle), and THEN are FORCED to settle for whatever sub-par childcare they can find and afford.

The thinking process here is backwards.

You can stay at home on almost any income if you're prepared to make the sacrifices to do so. But will you be happy - no one on this board can tell you that. I have to say, as someone who stayed home for a year for my first, that giving up financial independence was ultimately very frustrating for me. You mentioned this in your OP, and it can be difficult for your marriage and your self-esteem.

The other issue is housing. You say you have a 'healthy' down payment - but do you plan to buy? Have you run the numbers thoroughly to be sure you can afford the mortgage and all the other associated costs of home ownership on just your husband's salary? We bought much less than we could afford, precisely so that we wouldn't be dependent on both salaries. But you'd be surprised how many other costs come into play with home ownership, for maintenance and repairs etc. Can you afford this on $110k -- and save for retirement and college?

I know people that stay at home with $110,000 yearly income. They all have several children. One child is very easy to manage. If you are having more, wait till you have your second before leaving. Try living on one income now.

Get a ppstnup before you stay home that outlines spousal support in case of divorce.

I will not stay at home on a hhi that is only $110. Op, what if you want to have another kid? Frankly your dh does not earn enough for you to sah

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning on having another? Maybe you could start preparing now until #2 comes along. Start saving, start living on one income, start your blog, etc.

That's a good idea! Live on DH's income alone for 6 months+ and see how it goes. If you have to tap into yours at all, then you know his income isn't enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about the reality of sahm vs the fantasy of it?

Fantasy: Lunch at pain quotidien with your girlfriends and maybe a nice bikram yoga after
Reality: cold cuts at home. Voga is moving dishes to dishwasher.

Fantasy: Tuesday my gym play dates with DS best friends followed by ice cream at the park
Reality: my gym is too expensive, play date at the public park, ice cream truck becomes a nuisance

Fantasy: rock solid ass toned from jogging around in stroller with DS
Reality: exhausted after 3 loads of laundry, cleaning house and chasing kid around. Ass still big.

Fantasy: drop kid off at play based schooling 2x a week. Enjoy a margarita with bff then home for a quick shower and masterbation sash before heading back to pick up kid
Reality: can't afford play based schooling. Decide on chipotle. Masterbation sounds tiring. Maybe watch hgtv instead.

Just sayin'

My reality as a SAHM is:
Lunch out with girlfriends at least once or twice a week.
I belong to a gym that has childcare and I do workouts with friends.
I'm fit and in shape due to above.
Children spend time in school each week and I spend the time however I like.
I guess I'm living your fantasy life.

That was my reality too before I went back to work too and yes, I enjoyed it. DH made $250K + bonus and it was till tight financially. I now work FT so we can afford private school and am very thankful that I was able to jump back in (and I was only able to jump back in at the same salary because (1) I only took 2 years off and (2) I have highly marketable skills). I never would have considered trying to manage SAH on OP's DH's income and I certainly wouldn't have considered it long-term unless DH's income were considerably higher. I think OP is putting her family at long-term financial risk for a short term purpose. I'd worry that they'd never catch back up financially and that she won't enjoy the time off b/c finances are too tight.

Are you planning on having another? Maybe you could start preparing now until #2 comes along. Start saving, start living on one income, start your blog, etc.