Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd write a long letter to your dad... and then burn it.

It wouldn't accomplish much ton confront him, but your questions and feelings are still valid.

Write it, ask it, get it all out. But burn it...

I agree with above. You have nothing to gain by confronting your father and a lot to lose.

I think the opposite. If she talks to her dad and he is honest and apologetic, maybe she can have a more authentic relationship with him. If she does nothing, she continues to lose by having a superficial relationship with her dad.

I don't believe in family secrets. Lies affect everyone in the family, it's better to bring things out in the open then let them fester.

This is all really, really good advice. You've given me a lot to think about from an outside perspective, which is what I desperately needed. You're right that there's probably more to the story, and my mom shouldn't have told me, and I think I'm angrier about other childhood stuff, and we're not close for a variety of reasons.

I think I'll start with writing the letter to burn it and see how I feel. I know that once I open that can of worms with him, I can't undo it.

I appreciate all your thoughtful, kind advice. It helps to let some of this stuff out sometimes.

How old is your Dad? This issue could be ancient history by decades. He's allowed by to be imperfect. He's your dad.

Here's how to judge: 1, was he a good dad? 2, is he a good granddad to your kids, if you have any?

See a therapist if you must or talk to a friend/spouse about it, but with all due respect, your parents' sex lives really is not your business.

Don't end a good relationship with a live parent over something that should have been resolved between them without you. Judge based on your relationship with him, please.

Your mom should not have burdened you with this. Let it go. It is not your place to judge, and it will not do you any good .