Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being picked up at home is such an antiquated way to date. Young people don't go on formal dates anymore. I'm 40 and I never went on dates either. Especially because my house wasn't a place people really wanted to hang out for whatever reason so I always drove to meet my BF.

There have to be other symptoms if OP thinks this kid doesn't like her daughter enough.

Really? I'm 40 and guys always picked me up. All the time. Only ones who didn't were just not that interested. In my experience when they are into you they make the effort.

This is a simple concept. If a guy is interested he will come pick her up, unless she insists on driving herself as pp pointed out. But to have her driving to meet him elsewhere like he can't be bothered to spend that extra effort - not a keeper.

But, OP, you can't tell her about this specific BF. She will not listen. Be there for her when he is bored enough with her to stop even having her meet him places.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have a general talk with my girl about how a relationship should be, how a man shows his love language, what she wants out of having a boyfriend in general and then dies she think she's getting that from this one. But I wouldn't slam the guy,

X1000 how I wished someone had given me relationship advice when I was younger. Just pointed things out and really made me think about what I wanted from a relationship and whether or not I was getting it. I had such self esteem issues, I just wish someone had stepped in and said 'is this what you want? Or do you want something more? Because if you want something more, you are good enough to get if.'

op here. do u think u would have listened as a college student?

I'm 34 and guys rarely picked me up, because it wasn't practical given where we lived. Young people don't just joyride around like they used to.

OP and PPs, he may or may not be making an effort. But the driving doesn't prove anything. Try to find out if he's making an effort in other ways (like, say, traveling to visit her on vacation).

Frankly, OP, your daughter is likely much safer driving herself, so be glad for that.

Anonymous wrote:Being picked up at home is such an antiquated way to date. Young people don't go on formal dates anymore. I'm 40 and I never went on dates either. Especially because my house wasn't a place people really wanted to hang out for whatever reason so I always drove to meet my BF.

There have to be other symptoms if OP thinks this kid doesn't like her daughter enough.

Really? I'm 40 and guys always picked me up. All the time. Only ones who didn't were just not that interested. In my experience when they are into you they make the effort.

Anonymous wrote:

Do you mean that they should both confine themselves to traditional gender roles, where he's the gallant gentleman who picks her up and drops her off in his car?

Perhaps you pine for that, but they clearly don't have that relationship. They're young, casual and modern. Don't ever criticize him! Be smarter than that. You can say something nice about him in front of her, then reminisce about your husband and how he would come pick you up and hold the car door open for you, and show his affection in a myriad of little ways like that. I guarantee some of it will stick.

This post is ridiculous. Mom you are right. If he's interested, he'd be coming over. For whoever reason your daughter is sort of chasing him. Not
Good, but I don't know if you can talk to her. I thought my sister and I were close, and I tried to talk to her about her boyfriend - well they are married now and we don't talk about much of anything anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is he doesn't pick her up?

If he were truly interested, wouldn't he make more of an effort?

Yes, and if only I could go back in time to my college years and give less time and attention to the ones who didn't make more of an effort. But this is for your DD to figure out and I think she will really resent you if you mention it in any way.

Do you also think they won't be having sex on this vacation? Just asking bc you seem to be visiting from the 50s.

Being picked up is antiquated. Seriously, it probably hasn't even occured to them to do it that way rather than what's most practical for them. If you bring it up, she will think you are insane. And it is much safer for a young woman to have her own transportation.

Are you sure this isn't about him not coming to the house and paying his respects to you as parents?

Paying his way to visit her on vacation shows commitment. If you're concerned about his commitment, ask about their relationship in a non-judgmental and open-ended way. Your DD will be completely baffled if you make a big deal about picking her up.

Of all the reasons not to like a BF or to involve yourself in your DD's relationship, yours have got to rank at the very bottom. You seriously need some perspective.

This is a very old idea of him picking her up for the date, but it could be a good indicator of his character. Meaning he can be very forward thinking and not into traditional ideas. Your daughter might be ok with that. I would ask her how he shows his interest in her and what she is looking for in a relationship. Ask her if she is getting that from him. DO NOT talk badly about him. Ask her open questions to help her figure out that he maybe someone just for the meantime and not for the long run. Tell her if he's not the guy for the long run make sure that she careful to not get pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: yes shouldn't the BF pick up the GF for dates? It just seems wrong that she's always running off to meet up with him, why doesn't he make the effort to pick her up?
And I appreciate the comments to "butt out". I know parental feedback/input can definitely backfire!

It really depends. When I was dating, I did not like guys to pick me up. I felt controlled. I would rather drive and meet and not worry about what time he would drive me home. I could say at anytime "thanks for a great evening! I have to get up early, so I'm going home noe." If he drove, I would have to drop hints about it getting late and if he didn't cue in, ultimately have to ask to be taken home. No thanks. I like to control my schedule,
Fwiw, I'm 41. And yes, some dates had issues with not picking me up.

OP here, ok so I may be a bit old fashioned! Maybe I'm just having trouble letting go and "watching from the sidelines'. It is a tough skill to learn!

Anonymous wrote:OP here: yes shouldn't the BF pick up the GF for dates? It just seems wrong that she's always running off to meet up with him, why doesn't he make the effort to pick her up?
And I appreciate the comments to "butt out". I know parental feedback/input can definitely backfire!

Pick up? Why would I want anybody to pick me up then go to a restaurant?

Being picked up at home is such an antiquated way to date. Young people don't go on formal dates anymore. I'm 40 and I never went on dates either. Especially because my house wasn't a place people really wanted to hang out for whatever reason so I always drove to meet my BF.

There have to be other symptoms if OP thinks this kid doesn't like her daughter enough.

Anonymous wrote:Who's paying for the vacation?

He will pay his way and I will give DD a budget: if she goes above that it will come out of her own pocket.