Anonymous
Post 05/27/2015 20:09     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Actually, it's worse when it's 13. The worst thing to do is offer to pack her bag and make her food for the trip (teen).

I was a nanny for a 12-13 girl that threatened to run away from her dad. She had already run away from her mom and the police brought her back that evening. She and I sat down for a long talk about the realities of teen girls on the street (rape, prostitution, no school, no food, no shelter, no way to get home, etc.). I've been raped twice, so we talked explicitly about what it was like, how she would deal with it. She hadn't thought it through and she hadn't had anyone willing to sit her down and give her the cold, hard facts. Once she realized, she dropped it. Of course she still had other issues, but anything else can be dealt with, you have no chance to deal with anything if the kid runs away.


You were in no place to tell a 12 year old about your rape encounter.


No, she did the right thing - it was a judgment call. Every child is different and every situation. She made the right call - as you can see from the results.

Given that she had run away from her mother's house and I was the nanny at her father's house when she was planning on running away again, why would I not give her the hard facts?! She went and talked to her dad later, to find out if I was exaggerating the possibilities; she wouldn't have talked to him without the information from me. Without hearing the things that could (and do) happen to teen girls on the street, she would have run again; because I shared something that was horrifying for me to experience, maybe she won't have to experience it. After she talked to her dad, she came back to me and asked for more information about rape, what she could do to protect herself if she finds herself in that situation and what she can do to decrease the chances of her being raped. Her father didn't know that I had that experience, didn't know that she had been planning on running away and was so relieved that I talked to her and presented the information the way I did. Why would you have an issue with how I handled it, if the girl's father didn't?!



This nanny - she did the right thing - it was a judgment call. Every child is different and every situation. She made the right call - as you can see from the results.
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2015 20:08     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Actually, it's worse when it's 13. The worst thing to do is offer to pack her bag and make her food for the trip (teen).

I was a nanny for a 12-13 girl that threatened to run away from her dad. She had already run away from her mom and the police brought her back that evening. She and I sat down for a long talk about the realities of teen girls on the street (rape, prostitution, no school, no food, no shelter, no way to get home, etc.). I've been raped twice, so we talked explicitly about what it was like, how she would deal with it. She hadn't thought it through and she hadn't had anyone willing to sit her down and give her the cold, hard facts. Once she realized, she dropped it. Of course she still had other issues, but anything else can be dealt with, you have no chance to deal with anything if the kid runs away.


You were in no place to tell a 12 year old about your rape encounter.


No, she did the right thing - it was a judgment call. Every child is different and every situation. She made the right call - as you can see from the results.

Given that she had run away from her mother's house and I was the nanny at her father's house when she was planning on running away again, why would I not give her the hard facts?! She went and talked to her dad later, to find out if I was exaggerating the possibilities; she wouldn't have talked to him without the information from me. Without hearing the things that could (and do) happen to teen girls on the street, she would have run again; because I shared something that was horrifying for me to experience, maybe she won't have to experience it. After she talked to her dad, she came back to me and asked for more information about rape, what she could do to protect herself if she finds herself in that situation and what she can do to decrease the chances of her being raped. Her father didn't know that I had that experience, didn't know that she had been planning on running away and was so relieved that I talked to her and presented the information the way I did. Why would you have an issue with how I handled it, if the girl's father didn't?!
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2015 19:57     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
My 7 yo said he "wants a new family" and was "leaving tonight" I told him I didn't want him to leave but if he knew where he was going I could give him a ride. So, we just offer him a ride every time he wants to leave. Usually, he decides not to go anywhere.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2015 12:00     Subject: Re:6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a really hard time when I was around 6-7. I threatened to run a way a lot. I packed my bag. I drew maps. I made plans about money, where to go, where on the streets I would live etc. My parents ignored me. They didn't take it seriously. I never actually ran away but their indifference let me grow up to believe they wouldn't care which is the reason I wanted to run away in the first place. I would NEVER ignore such a desperate plea for attention in a child that young. Ever.


I never tried to run away but this is exactly how I would have felt if I had and my parents acted like this. So sorry, OP.


Yes I agree with this. It seems like a plea for love and attention. I like the idea of running away together to a hotel for the night. That could fill up their love quotient.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2015 12:19     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Actually, it's worse when it's 13. The worst thing to do is offer to pack her bag and make her food for the trip (teen).

I was a nanny for a 12-13 girl that threatened to run away from her dad. She had already run away from her mom and the police brought her back that evening. She and I sat down for a long talk about the realities of teen girls on the street (rape, prostitution, no school, no food, no shelter, no way to get home, etc.). I've been raped twice, so we talked explicitly about what it was like, how she would deal with it. She hadn't thought it through and she hadn't had anyone willing to sit her down and give her the cold, hard facts. Once she realized, she dropped it. Of course she still had other issues, but anything else can be dealt with, you have no chance to deal with anything if the kid runs away.


You were in no place to tell a 12 year old about your rape encounter.


Given that she had run away from her mother's house and I was the nanny at her father's house when she was planning on running away again, why would I not give her the hard facts?! She went and talked to her dad later, to find out if I was exaggerating the possibilities; she wouldn't have talked to him without the information from me. Without hearing the things that could (and do) happen to teen girls on the street, she would have run again; because I shared something that was horrifying for me to experience, maybe she won't have to experience it. After she talked to her dad, she came back to me and asked for more information about rape, what she could do to protect herself if she finds herself in that situation and what she can do to decrease the chances of her being raped. Her father didn't know that I had that experience, didn't know that she had been planning on running away and was so relieved that I talked to her and presented the information the way I did. Why would you have an issue with how I handled it, if the girl's father didn't?!
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2015 13:51     Subject: Re:6 yo threatening to run away
NP here: ref the Nanny talking about rape. I was a Nanny too and had to tell an 8yo what a Virgin was. She had watched a show with her parents and heard the word but didnt want to ask them what it was.
I gave her the most basic description possible.
Sometimes when you are a nanny you are filling in for the parent on a number of levels.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2015 13:21     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Actually, it's worse when it's 13. The worst thing to do is offer to pack her bag and make her food for the trip (teen).

I was a nanny for a 12-13 girl that threatened to run away from her dad. She had already run away from her mom and the police brought her back that evening. She and I sat down for a long talk about the realities of teen girls on the street (rape, prostitution, no school, no food, no shelter, no way to get home, etc.). I've been raped twice, so we talked explicitly about what it was like, how she would deal with it. She hadn't thought it through and she hadn't had anyone willing to sit her down and give her the cold, hard facts. Once she realized, she dropped it. Of course she still had other issues, but anything else can be dealt with, you have no chance to deal with anything if the kid runs away.


You were in no place to tell a 12 year old about your rape encounter.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2015 13:14     Subject: Re:6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a really hard time when I was around 6-7. I threatened to run a way a lot. I packed my bag. I drew maps. I made plans about money, where to go, where on the streets I would live etc. My parents ignored me. They didn't take it seriously. I never actually ran away but their indifference let me grow up to believe they wouldn't care which is the reason I wanted to run away in the first place. I would NEVER ignore such a desperate plea for attention in a child that young. Ever.


I never tried to run away but this is exactly how I would have felt if I had and my parents acted like this. So sorry, OP.


I completelly agree, ignoring this is a bad idea at such a young age. Yes 6-7 yr olds are still testing boundaries (as do 16 yr olds!), but 6-7 yr olds need it to be talked out and consequences explained in an age-appropriate way. You don't give into what they want, but you don't ignore the threats to run either. You talk it out.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2015 13:12     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:My 5 yr old threatens to run away. One time he did. Put his blanket, underwear, toothbrush , and PJs in his backpack and left.

I called my neighbors and explained what happened. As he walked past friends houses, I would get a text that he was okay. About 1/2 mile up the street, my neighbor texted that he was walking back towards me.

He was mad that I didn't go after him. I knew he was safe. He's never done it again.


NP and I just want to be clear with everyone in this thread: I work for CPS. No matter how well you think you've got this "covered", if something happened to your 5 yr old half a mile from home and it came to our attention, you would most likely be substantiated (confirmed) for inadequate supervision, which means you would have a positive hit on your CPS record for child neglect. You can have all the opinions you want about whether it's fair, or right, but I want you to be clear that if anything ever went wrong with this plan and your child ended up hurt, "I was teaching him a lesson" would not fly. NOT saying he'd be removed or go into foster care. But a 5 yr old 1/2 mile away from home on the street alone? Neighors watching or no, that would not fly as an explanation.

Do what you're going to do, but be clear about the potential consequences as well.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2015 09:30     Subject: Re:6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:I had a really hard time when I was around 6-7. I threatened to run a way a lot. I packed my bag. I drew maps. I made plans about money, where to go, where on the streets I would live etc. My parents ignored me. They didn't take it seriously. I never actually ran away but their indifference let me grow up to believe they wouldn't care which is the reason I wanted to run away in the first place. I would NEVER ignore such a desperate plea for attention in a child that young. Ever.


I never tried to run away but this is exactly how I would have felt if I had and my parents acted like this. So sorry, OP.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2015 09:08     Subject: Re:6 yo threatening to run away
I had a really hard time when I was around 6-7. I threatened to run a way a lot. I packed my bag. I drew maps. I made plans about money, where to go, where on the streets I would live etc. My parents ignored me. They didn't take it seriously. I never actually ran away but their indifference let me grow up to believe they wouldn't care which is the reason I wanted to run away in the first place. I would NEVER ignore such a desperate plea for attention in a child that young. Ever.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2015 23:28     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
My 5 yr old threatens to run away. One time he did. Put his blanket, underwear, toothbrush , and PJs in his backpack and left.

I called my neighbors and explained what happened. As he walked past friends houses, I would get a text that he was okay. About 1/2 mile up the street, my neighbor texted that he was walking back towards me.

He was mad that I didn't go after him. I knew he was safe. He's never done it again.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2015 22:01     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Actually, it's worse when it's 13. The worst thing to do is offer to pack her bag and make her food for the trip (teen).

I was a nanny for a 12-13 girl that threatened to run away from her dad. She had already run away from her mom and the police brought her back that evening. She and I sat down for a long talk about the realities of teen girls on the street (rape, prostitution, no school, no food, no shelter, no way to get home, etc.). I've been raped twice, so we talked explicitly about what it was like, how she would deal with it. She hadn't thought it through and she hadn't had anyone willing to sit her down and give her the cold, hard facts. Once she realized, she dropped it. Of course she still had other issues, but anything else can be dealt with, you have no chance to deal with anything if the kid runs away.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2015 21:53     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Different poster, but I did the same thing when I was 6 or 7. I even packed a suitcase and walked about a mile away in our neighborhood. My mom said fine, didn't come after me and didn't make a big deal about it. After a while, I walked back on my own and no one said a word. Never tried it again. She's doing it to get attention. Don't "rise" to the occasion on this one and don't make a big deal about it.


I was 8 and my brother was 4 (early 90s). We tied the handle of our wagon to the pedal of my bike and we started down the street. I think we got about 2 miles (1/5 of the way to Grandma's house where we were going to camp in the woods until we decided where we should go) when my brother got tired and hungry. We forgot water and food.

Honestly, my mother listened, nodded her head a lot and didn't try to stop us. If she had helped, we would have loaded the wagon faster, we would have been out of the house faster and if we had food, we would probably have gone farther. As it was, we got back home with less than an hour before bedtime for my brother, and we had no desire to complain about eating quickly or taking a bath. She didn't punish us at all, looking back now, I think she thought that wasting the whole Saturday and being tired and hungry for so long (8 years old and trying to pull a wagon that's tied to the pedal of your bike is grueling!) was enough to dissuade us from doing it again.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2015 09:24     Subject: 6 yo threatening to run away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Offer to make her a sandwich and help pack a suitcase. She wants to run away from her problems, from her fear.


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. She's not 13, she's 6!


Different poster, but I did the same thing when I was 6 or 7. I even packed a suitcase and walked about a mile away in our neighborhood. My mom said fine, didn't come after me and didn't make a big deal about it. After a while, I walked back on my own and no one said a word. Never tried it again. She's doing it to get attention. Don't "rise" to the occasion on this one and don't make a big deal about it.


I don't have a kid with anxiety, but my DS did this around 5/6. Told him don't let the door hit you on the way out. (because that is what my mother did for my brother years agos, packed the sandwich too!). We stayed back out of eyesight of him, but we could see him. We did a little prodigal son party when he returned (Look who's returned! We love you! We missed you! Let's have some ice cream! NO comments about the "told ya so") Never happened again. (at least not yet, still have the teen years to go).
I think she just wants to feel empowered and not trapped at home.