Poor OP she thought she was going to get a bunch of sympathy and support instead of being called out on her rudeness.

Anonymous wrote:You should have said no. Now that you didn't, you shouldn't cancel. Whether the wedding is fancy or not is a sideshow. If they were holding it at an Arby's, it would still be rude to say yes then cancel a few weeks out.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

Grow up and go..leave the kids at home with dad.

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP already said that she is not personally close to this cousin. Expecting anyone to make a 12-hour-each-way trip to attend a wedding is expecting too much, to me, especially if that guest is just not someone close. Family or not. I would bet that the bride and groom would be happy to see OP but just will not have it on their radar to be nearly as upset about a cancellation as some people on here insist they will be.

OP, your mom has already made her other arrangements (though yes, it would be good if you still paid any change fees she incurs). You did not know when you said yes that you had this major exam coming up -- is that correct? If I read that right, you were told about your exam after you said yes. It's too bad that you did not call your cousin the very day you found out about the exam and said you were sorry but could not attend due to the exam (leave family and kid things out, the exam alone, assuming it's something major for you to continue with a degree or other program, is important). Add the exam to the massive drive and this was an easy "no" from the day you got the exam date.

If this would cause some rift with your mom or other family members, that's different, though I would hate to go to an event just because I wanted to avoid a rift rather than because I wanted to be at the event itself.

If you really feel you must be there, suck up the cost and go one day and fly back the next.

It wouldn't just be her cousin she was seeing. Also maybe they aren't close because OP is clueless to how rude and inconsiderate she is?

Folks, OP already said that she is not personally close to this cousin. Expecting anyone to make a 12-hour-each-way trip to attend a wedding is expecting too much, to me, especially if that guest is just not someone close. Family or not. I would bet that the bride and groom would be happy to see OP but just will not have it on their radar to be nearly as upset about a cancellation as some people on here insist they will be.

OP, your mom has already made her other arrangements (though yes, it would be good if you still paid any change fees she incurs). You did not know when you said yes that you had this major exam coming up -- is that correct? If I read that right, you were told about your exam after you said yes. It's too bad that you did not call your cousin the very day you found out about the exam and said you were sorry but could not attend due to the exam (leave family and kid things out, the exam alone, assuming it's something major for you to continue with a degree or other program, is important). Add the exam to the massive drive and this was an easy "no" from the day you got the exam date.

If this would cause some rift with your mom or other family members, that's different, though I would hate to go to an event just because I wanted to avoid a rift rather than because I wanted to be at the event itself.

If you really feel you must be there, suck up the cost and go one day and fly back the next.

Anonymous wrote:It's family. I think you should move heaven and earth to make it, and have your kids go too. The only time you ever see extended family sometimes are weddings and funerals. Weddings are much much more fun. Plus booze and cake.

This. This this this. You are being rude and inconsiderate and its funny that you don't even see it.

Anonymous wrote:It's family. I think you should move heaven and earth to make it, and have your kids go too. The only time you ever see extended family sometimes are weddings and funerals. Weddings are much much more fun. Plus booze and cake.

It's a no-kid wedding.

It's family. I think you should move heaven and earth to make it, and have your kids go too. The only time you ever see extended family sometimes are weddings and funerals. Weddings are much much more fun. Plus booze and cake.

Anonymous wrote:Don't be a jerk OP and go to the wedding.

Am I detecting some jealousy over her having an "expensive" wedding versus your casual one?

Not one bit. I have NEVER regretted my low-key, casual wedding. It allowed DH and I a much better financial cushion to begin our lives together - which is something most young couples of average means could use, including this one.
If you had enough money where it wasn't either/or, then good for you, I don't judge. I'm just not the kind of person who needs that sort of thing, and if we could do it over, we would elope.

I don't know what foresight I could have had. Almost all of this is stuff that just came up.
That said, I am looking at fares right now to fly to the wedding and come back the next day. Hopefully it will jive with DH's schedule.

I have learned my lesson though - just say no to any invitations for events occurring before the end of the school year - too stressful.

You should have said no. Now that you didn't, you shouldn't cancel. Whether the wedding is fancy or not is a sideshow. If they were holding it at an Arby's, it would still be rude to say yes then cancel a few weeks out.

Don't be a jerk OP and go to the wedding.

Am I detecting some jealousy over her having an "expensive" wedding versus your casual one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

Then why did you say yes to attending the wedding? This really isn't polarizing. You are showing poor manners and you seem to fail to see this. I guess I wonder why you don't get you are in the wrong?

+100

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

You can't imagine it because you didn't have one.

Also this wasn't "unexpected" it was poor planning.

Go to the wedding, don't be *that* person in your family.

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

Then why did you say yes to attending the wedding? This really isn't polarizing. You are showing poor manners and you seem to fail to see this. I guess I wonder why you don't get you are in the wrong?

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

OP I 100% agree with all that you said, but it's so late now. It's incredibly rude to RSVP and then back out. Why didn't you figure this out before? I think you just don't want to go.