my nieces and nephew ( 10 and 12) never called me Aunt. We lived together, got married (they were in our wedding) and yup it still kind of bothers me.....and my daughter calls them Aunt and Uncle. one thought is to ask your brother and get a read on how he would like you to handle it.

When I got engaged, my niece and nephew started calling my now husband "Almost-Uncle A", and then Uncle A after we got married. But before then it was just A even though we lived together.

Well the point of the matter is that she's only their aunt if they are married...if they aren't married she's not their aunt. So unless you want your kids to use a false title then waiting until they are married is key.

When they are married.

My uncle got married when I was 19 so maybe it's different. I never switched to aunt, but was always very fond of her. It just felt weird to switch after 2 years of just Mary. Looking back I should have asked her what she wanted, but didn't think of it.

Anonymous wrote:
The question you should ask yourself is: what is kind? Then do that.

This is a good question, and the answer might not be obvious. If "Jane" is really involved with the kids--sending gifts and cards, playing with them on visits--then it might be clear that she'd welcome being called Aunt Jane. But it's also possible that calling her Aunt Jane could feel like pressure and over-committing on OP's part.

We're pretty loose about aunt and uncle titles--we use them for really close family friends as well as relatives.

The question you should ask yourself is: what is kind? Then do that.

My sister in law has been with her significant other since before the kids were born. They have essentially told us they want to be treated like they are married... but have no intention of getting married in the near future. They may never get married. Anyway, we call him Uncle.. but that is a special circumstance.

Everyone else waits until they are married.