Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:16     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
12? Hell no. I don't condone "tween dating." Once you are in HS, my dear, we shall reconsider.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:15     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.

I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.

Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.


Same here. And while each kid is unique, statistically, kids who date in middle school don't do as well academically as they get older.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:46     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Mine doesn't. She's not interested in boys yet. If a boy has a crush on her she is oblivious.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:43     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Our 5th graders are hilariously trying to figure out how to "date" when most of them are not allowed to go anywhere by themselves yet, and few have enough money for a date anyway. My DC is very immature and baffled by the whole discussion. It is kind of funny to watch.

But no, no dating in this house until 16. I'm with 9:50.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:38     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
My 12 yo liked a boy and he liked her back. They texted, but they never thought going on a date at their age was appropriate. I probably would have considered it, if she had asked. If there were two couples, I almost think it would be worse. One couple holds hands, so the other couple does the same....and so on. It could be fine, but you have to trust and communicate with your child.

I am completely against a blanket age for dating or anything else. It is completely dependent on the individual, and we had a lot of discussions about relationships before and during her time with her first boyfriend. At these young ages, nothing is private. Word spreads like wildfire online and in person. The school gossip was what scared her off dating more than anything with the boy.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:15     Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:14     Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course my 12 year old boys can go to the movies with girls, they are people and I don't segregate my boys from girls. I don't really understand the all boy activities.



This is different. I'm all for class parties, big group activities, all-the-kids-on-the-block are going type of things. That is very, very different from two boys deciding they are interested in two girls, and the four of them double dating, in effect, to a movie.


I am quite sure if the OP's son is correctly socialized with girls it would not be all that big of a deal for 2 boys to go to the movies with 2 girls. If this socialization has not happened properly you simply say. Of course you can go to the movies with girls, the girls can meet you there or carpool (just like with boys), you are not paying (just like with boys), this is not a date. Two boys should not have to questions whether it is okay to ask 2 girls to go to the movies with them.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:10     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either


They got pregnant at movie theaters?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:08     Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Of course my 12 year old boys can go to the movies with girls, they are people and I don't segregate my boys from girls. I don't really understand the all boy activities.



This is different. I'm all for class parties, big group activities, all-the-kids-on-the-block are going type of things. That is very, very different from two boys deciding they are interested in two girls, and the four of them double dating, in effect, to a movie.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:07     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.

I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.

Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.

Thank you.


Totally agree with all of this. Well said.

OP, of course they are "interested" in girls at 12. That is normal and fun. It does not mean that it has to be further pursued by starting them down a path that is more appropriately traveled at a later age.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 10:56     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 10:44     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.

I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.

Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.

Thank you.
+1
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 10:41     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not weird

+1
Group outings, anything not one on one, is fine with me.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 10:41     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
I went on movie dates when I was 12. My parents drove, dropped us off at the theatre and picked us up afterwards.

Pretty sure I turned out ok.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 10:37     Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Of course my 12 year old boys can go to the movies with girls, they are people and I don't segregate my boys from girls. I don't really understand the all boy activities.