Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he/she try to get to know them? When he/she sees them eating alone at lunch, having no one to talk to at recess, do they shrug their shoulders and ignore or do they try to include them in a game or play? Do they speak kindly to them in group activities?

My child is special needs and after years of watching how he has been treated in schools by peers and teachers, I have come to realize that parents and teachers are not doing enough to show the value of special needs children. My child has been shoved in the hallways, is the only person at recess to not have anyone to play with, and is bullied by exclusion even in the classroom. Children will talk over his voice to discourage him from speaking in class. Children will ask other children to not speak to him. When my child tries to speak to other children, they pretend as if they don't hear.

He has sensory issues and likes to smell nice things. He once took his scented lip balm and rubbed it across his own sheet of paper so he would have something to smell throughout class. His AAP teacher came over to his desk, confiscated the lip balm as well as the paper and then kept him after class for 30 minutes to interrogate him about his unusual behavior. He was not permitted to go to kiss and ride and I was left wondering where my child is. My child suffers from ADHD and sensory issues.

Teachers have, unbeknownst to us, reduced his work load and changed his curriculum in certain subjects to help him get through material quickly so they can simply pass him rather than suggesting additional supports be placed within his existing IEP. His education this year would have been compromised had we not learned about this and quickly jumped in to ask for additional supports in his IEP.

At the age of 9, after enduring these assaults and insults every day in school, my child told me he wished he had never been born.

I am writing this in the general parenting forum to ask parents to speak to their children about how to treat special needs children. No matter what the special needs are, whether they are unmotivated or seemingly lazy in class, no matter if they have a tic, no matter if they make weird noises in class, no matter if they appear unintelligent, please ask your children to go out of their way to be kind and patient with them.

Making special needs children feel included is a reflection of our humanity.

Your child doesn't have "special needs"

Once you stop using that as a crutch, only then are you going to be able to help your child. Lots of kids have sensory issues. In fact lots of adults have them. They learn to control the impulse but your child with ADHD needs more help with impulse control. Medication and explicit instructions. "Don't sniff papers all during class. It's not acceptable classroom behavior." Kids with ADHD are often not pick up context or inferential clues. That's not a special need, it's lack of attention.

The social situation you describe -meh, happens to lots of kids labeled and not labeled by their parent. Approach the school counselor, teacher, and do work outside of school - arrange play dates, get to know kids and parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he/she try to get to know them? When he/she sees them eating alone at lunch, having no one to talk to at recess, do they shrug their shoulders and ignore or do they try to include them in a game or play? Do they speak kindly to them in group activities?

My child is special needs and after years of watching how he has been treated in schools by peers and teachers, I have come to realize that parents and teachers are not doing enough to show the value of special needs children. My child has been shoved in the hallways, is the only person at recess to not have anyone to play with, and is bullied by exclusion even in the classroom. Children will talk over his voice to discourage him from speaking in class. Children will ask other children to not speak to him. When my child tries to speak to other children, they pretend as if they don't hear.

He has sensory issues and likes to smell nice things. He once took his scented lip balm and rubbed it across his own sheet of paper so he would have something to smell throughout class. His AAP teacher came over to his desk, confiscated the lip balm as well as the paper and then kept him after class for 30 minutes to interrogate him about his unusual behavior. He was not permitted to go to kiss and ride and I was left wondering where my child is. My child suffers from ADHD and sensory issues.

Teachers have, unbeknownst to us, reduced his work load and changed his curriculum in certain subjects to help him get through material quickly so they can simply pass him rather than suggesting additional supports be placed within his existing IEP. His education this year would have been compromised had we not learned about this and quickly jumped in to ask for additional supports in his IEP.

At the age of 9, after enduring these assaults and insults every day in school, my child told me he wished he had never been born.

I am writing this in the general parenting forum to ask parents to speak to their children about how to treat special needs children. No matter what the special needs are, whether they are unmotivated or seemingly lazy in class, no matter if they have a tic, no matter if they make weird noises in class, no matter if they appear unintelligent, please ask your children to go out of their way to be kind and patient with them.

Making special needs children feel included is a reflection of our humanity.

Your child doesn't have "special needs"

Once you stop using that as a crutch, only then are you going to be able to help your child. Lots of kids have sensory issues. In fact lots of adults have them. They learn to control the impulse but your child with ADHD needs more help with impulse control. Medication and explicit instructions. "Don't sniff papers all during class. It's not acceptable classroom behavior." Kids with ADHD are often not pick up context or inferential clues. That's not a special need, it's lack of attention.

The social situation you describe -meh, happens to lots of kids labeled and not labeled by their parent. Approach the school counselor, teacher, and do work outside of school - arrange play dates, get to know kids and parents.

Anonymous wrote:OP my son has ADHD, difficulty reading social cues, and he's HG. It's a kind of trifecta for being different. I would say the kids at his small private school are generally okay toward him, but he's not included. No friendships, no play dates. He is 8.5 and has expressed that he feels "invisible." I would add that if there is an issue with another student, the teachers are very quick blame him- including justifying that another student "pushed" him because he was walking too slow. If my kid pushed another kid for any reason, he would have been sent to the office.

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Have you spoken with the teacher? Maybe, I missed this part. Also, all children feel left out from time to time--even so called "normal" kids. Is it possible that it is not as bad as you think? You mentioned his AAP teacher--is he in center or community school?

Anonymous wrote:Does he/she try to get to know them? When he/she sees them eating alone at lunch, having no one to talk to at recess, do they shrug their shoulders and ignore or do they try to include them in a game or play? Do they speak kindly to them in group activities?

My child is special needs and after years of watching how he has been treated in schools by peers and teachers, I have come to realize that parents and teachers are not doing enough to show the value of special needs children. My child has been shoved in the hallways, is the only person at recess to not have anyone to play with, and is bullied by exclusion even in the classroom. Children will talk over his voice to discourage him from speaking in class. Children will ask other children to not speak to him. When my child tries to speak to other children, they pretend as if they don't hear.

He has sensory issues and likes to smell nice things. He once took his scented lip balm and rubbed it across his own sheet of paper so he would have something to smell throughout class. His AAP teacher came over to his desk, confiscated the lip balm as well as the paper and then kept him after class for 30 minutes to interrogate him about his unusual behavior. He was not permitted to go to kiss and ride and I was left wondering where my child is. My child suffers from ADHD and sensory issues.

Teachers have, unbeknownst to us, reduced his work load and changed his curriculum in certain subjects to help him get through material quickly so they can simply pass him rather than suggesting additional supports be placed within his existing IEP. His education this year would have been compromised had we not learned about this and quickly jumped in to ask for additional supports in his IEP.

At the age of 9, after enduring these assaults and insults every day in school, my child told me he wished he had never been born.

I am writing this in the general parenting forum to ask parents to speak to their children about how to treat special needs children. No matter what the special needs are, whether they are unmotivated or seemingly lazy in class, no matter if they have a tic, no matter if they make weird noises in class, no matter if they appear unintelligent, please ask your children to go out of their way to be kind and patient with them.

Making special needs children feel included is a reflection of our humanity.

Anonymous wrote:Does he/she try to get to know them? When he/she sees them eating alone at lunch, having no one to talk to at recess, do they shrug their shoulders and ignore or do they try to include them in a game or play? Do they speak kindly to them in group activities?

My child is special needs and after years of watching how he has been treated in schools by peers and teachers, I have come to realize that parents and teachers are not doing enough to show the value of special needs children. My child has been shoved in the hallways, is the only person at recess to not have anyone to play with, and is bullied by exclusion even in the classroom. Children will talk over his voice to discourage him from speaking in class. Children will ask other children to not speak to him. When my child tries to speak to other children, they pretend as if they don't hear.

He has sensory issues and likes to smell nice things. He once took his scented lip balm and rubbed it across his own sheet of paper so he would have something to smell throughout class. His AAP teacher came over to his desk, confiscated the lip balm as well as the paper and then kept him after class for 30 minutes to interrogate him about his unusual behavior. He was not permitted to go to kiss and ride and I was left wondering where my child is. My child suffers from ADHD and sensory issues.

Teachers have, unbeknownst to us, reduced his work load and changed his curriculum in certain subjects to help him get through material quickly so they can simply pass him rather than suggesting additional supports be placed within his existing IEP. His education this year would have been compromised had we not learned about this and quickly jumped in to ask for additional supports in his IEP.

At the age of 9, after enduring these assaults and insults every day in school, my child told me he wished he had never been born.

I am writing this in the general parenting forum to ask parents to speak to their children about how to treat special needs children. No matter what the special needs are, whether they are unmotivated or seemingly lazy in class, no matter if they have a tic, no matter if they make weird noises in class, no matter if they appear unintelligent, please ask your children to go out of their way to be kind and patient with them.

Making special needs children feel included is a reflection of our humanity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids' ES, kids often volunteer during lunch to work with PEP and SCB. So it's actually part of the culture, which is lovely. My daughter tried, but she was beaten to it!

OP here. PP, this is the kind of school and the kind of students I would like my SN child to be around. May I ask - what school this is? I honestly would consider even moving to a district like this in the future. I have other children and would want them to be in this kind of school too.

As for the PP who said her daughter prefers smart, well behaved children and would likely not go out of her way to show friendliness toward SN kids, I'm happy that your daughter is neurotypical to enjoy such friendships. However, I would ask how you would want your daughter to be treated if she were born with CP, DS, ASD, any special needs that clearly distinguishes her from classmates. If she sat alone on a bench while 80 children her age played at recess daily, would you want others to go up to her and encourage her to join them? Or would you prefer she sat alone daily?

I'm not the PP but they do this at Ashburton ES for the PEP program in North Bethesda. The 4th (I think) and 5th graders have to apply and there are always more applicants then spots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids' ES, kids often volunteer during lunch to work with PEP and SCB. So it's actually part of the culture, which is lovely. My daughter tried, but she was beaten to it!

OP here. PP, this is the kind of school and the kind of students I would like my SN child to be around. May I ask - what school this is? I honestly would consider even moving to a district like this in the future. I have other children and would want them to be in this kind of school too.

As for the PP who said her daughter prefers smart, well behaved children and would likely not go out of her way to show friendliness toward SN kids, I'm happy that your daughter is neurotypical to enjoy such friendships. However, I would ask how you would want your daughter to be treated if she were born with CP, DS, ASD, any special needs that clearly distinguishes her from classmates. If she sat alone on a bench while 80 children her age played at recess daily, would you want others to go up to her and encourage her to join them? Or would you prefer she sat alone daily?