Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41, thank you. We have an excellent psychologist working with him on skill building. I agree, as does she, that medication alone is not the answer.

20:41 here-- Maybe this isn't your dilemma at all, but I found it easier to parent my son when I accepted his challenges. I'm not doing it perfectly, but I think our earlier battles happened, in part, because I was anxious about his behavior and eventual diagnosis. Now, I know why he does what he does, but I can also look back and see the strides he has made.

I think too, that I am more flexible in how I approach situations. I know that my job is to teach him coping skills and self-monitoring, and as I get better at this parenting thing, my actions for the most part, reflect the big picture.

Not sure if someone mentioned this to you, but try Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School." I had difficulty embracing his philosophy until I realized that traditional discipline often doesn't work (and can make things worse) for my son.

How do you deal with other parents? With teachers? I am already tired of my child being labeled a "brat." He is far from a brat. He is a very caring child and he is fully aware that he can't control himself. When he does something wrong he is immediately remorseful. We are working to get the help and support we need for him and for us. It is so hard to see him struggle, and other adults are often judgmental and mean, both to him and to my husband and I as parents. You can feel the weight of it. "Why don't they control that kid? Why don't they discipline him? If I were his parent I would [fill in the blank.]" Or whatever other sanctimonious thoughts you can see going on behind their eyes.

It's not easy. I find myself limiting the people we hang out with to other like challenged families. It was really funny - my son met another boy while waiting at his younger brothers soccer game. Turned out we had kids on the same team (younger) and both older boys have ADD. They clicked. Much easier to have him play with someone that is on his own plane.
I also know yelling does not work. It escalates the situation. So in my case, when they see that I calmly talk to my son, and often it works to redirect him, they see that I know how to parent my child.
I also know that the ones that label my kid as a brat have their own challenges and secrets they don't think the rest of us know. But yeah, I heard from my son what their son was caught doing. So I don't let their sanctimonious attitude get to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41, thank you. We have an excellent psychologist working with him on skill building. I agree, as does she, that medication alone is not the answer.

20:41 here-- Maybe this isn't your dilemma at all, but I found it easier to parent my son when I accepted his challenges. I'm not doing it perfectly, but I think our earlier battles happened, in part, because I was anxious about his behavior and eventual diagnosis. Now, I know why he does what he does, but I can also look back and see the strides he has made.

I think too, that I am more flexible in how I approach situations. I know that my job is to teach him coping skills and self-monitoring, and as I get better at this parenting thing, my actions for the most part, reflect the big picture.

Not sure if someone mentioned this to you, but try Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School." I had difficulty embracing his philosophy until I realized that traditional discipline often doesn't work (and can make things worse) for my son.

How do you deal with other parents? With teachers? I am already tired of my child being labeled a "brat." He is far from a brat. He is a very caring child and he is fully aware that he can't control himself. When he does something wrong he is immediately remorseful. We are working to get the help and support we need for him and for us. It is so hard to see him struggle, and other adults are often judgmental and mean, both to him and to my husband and I as parents. You can feel the weight of it. "Why don't they control that kid? Why don't they discipline him? If I were his parent I would [fill in the blank.]" Or whatever other sanctimonious thoughts you can see going on behind their eyes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- If you child has already started medication and his behavior is still the same on meds as off meds, perhaps it is time to try something else. My son's behavior was like night and day once he started meds. The impulsiveness, the constant talking, the inability to sit still and the combativeness about everything nearly went away completely on meds. He is so much more himself rather than his symptoms now. I would talk to the doctor about changing meds if his behavior has not improved.

Not OP, but my 6yo just started medication this weekend. Are you saying we should be seeing behavioral improvements this soon? It was the weekend, and a rather exciting weekend at that, and he seemed about the same to me. How long do we wait?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41, thank you. We have an excellent psychologist working with him on skill building. I agree, as does she, that medication alone is not the answer.

20:41 here-- Maybe this isn't your dilemma at all, but I found it easier to parent my son when I accepted his challenges. I'm not doing it perfectly, but I think our earlier battles happened, in part, because I was anxious about his behavior and eventual diagnosis. Now, I know why he does what he does, but I can also look back and see the strides he has made.

I think too, that I am more flexible in how I approach situations. I know that my job is to teach him coping skills and self-monitoring, and as I get better at this parenting thing, my actions for the most part, reflect the big picture.

Not sure if someone mentioned this to you, but try Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School." I had difficulty embracing his philosophy until I realized that traditional discipline often doesn't work (and can make things worse) for my son.

Anonymous wrote:OP- If you child has already started medication and his behavior is still the same on meds as off meds, perhaps it is time to try something else. My son's behavior was like night and day once he started meds. The impulsiveness, the constant talking, the inability to sit still and the combativeness about everything nearly went away completely on meds. He is so much more himself rather than his symptoms now. I would talk to the doctor about changing meds if his behavior has not improved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness. Please stop, 11:14. Hijacking this thread in order to spout your "insight" is not appropriate.

I'm 11:14. My insight is appropriate. My child has ADD. And he takes straterra, which is currently the only approved ADHD drug in the U.S. That is not addictive. I've done my homework. And I've weighed medicating my child against all the evidence and studies. I can factually state the side effects. I was not "judge mental". You read your own judgement into it. Doctors do not recommend medicating six year olds. Period. There have not been enough studies on this age group to show long term effects.

Anonymous wrote:First, 6 is very young to start medication. We suspected my son at 5-6, but waited until he was almost 8 for a diagnosis and medicine.he takes staterra, the only non addictive ADHD medication.
Second, six year olds are not meant to sit still. Learn to channel his energy and enthusiasm. There are many books on this topic.
It's hard. Many days I have yelled at him. But really, I need to learn how to deal better.
Fwiw, my son uses a stress ball at school. He squeezes it when he starts not paying attention as a way to bring him back into focus.

Anonymous wrote:These unproven meds change the brain development of such young children.

Anecdotes do not qualify as scientific proof. This is a very HIGH profit market.

BEWARE.

Anonymous wrote:20:41, thank you. We have an excellent psychologist working with him on skill building. I agree, as does she, that medication alone is not the answer.

Anonymous wrote:Tell it to me straight - what is life like with a kid like this? My son just turned 6, was just diagnosed and started medication, and I have days where I feel like I want to run away. I love him intensely, but I also have moments where he pushes my patience to the limit and I want to run away and never come back. School is a battle. Doing sports or lessons is a battle. "Listen, listen, listen, pay attention, stop doing that, listen, pay attention, focus, stop doing that". I imagine his teachers will be glad to be done with him this year, since this is no doubt what they deal with all day every day, while trying to teach other kids.

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness. Please stop, 11:14. Hijacking this thread in order to spout your "insight" is not appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell it to me straight - what is life like with a kid like this? My son just turned 6, was just diagnosed and started medication, and I have days where I feel like I want to run away. I love him intensely, but I also have moments where he pushes my patience to the limit and I want to run away and never come back. School is a battle. Doing sports or lessons is a battle. "Listen, listen, listen, pay attention, stop doing that, listen, pay attention, focus, stop doing that". I imagine his teachers will be glad to be done with him this year, since this is no doubt what they deal with all day every day, while trying to teach other kids.

My life is with a husband, son, and daughter like this. My husband learned good coping skills as a child in an unsupported environment (was not diagnosed till college) but has some self esteem issues that goes hand in hand with not being supported for his issues through childhood. My kids - it seems you never know when some disaster is going to fly out of no where and you need to schedule yet another meeting at school. They are in high school and middle school now.

Words of advice:

1) Don't always react in the moment when things go wrong. Life with people with ADHD is not perfect. Pick and choose the battles and it is ok to let them learn from their mistakes. It is not your job to always jump in and rescue them. Some of the best lessons are the ones in which they get that 0 or miss out on an opportunity because then they understand the cost of being unprepared. Practice deep breathing, giving yourself a timeout, or exercise break so you can make a rationale decision of when to step in and when to just let the consequences play out.

2) Try to set up routines and structure in the house to help with organization. Keys and work ID in a bowl (for my husband), keys with a pull out chain in backpacks (for my kids), packing lunches and homework in backpacks the night before, oversized calendars for family activities, individual oversized calendars in bedrooms for kid activities and assignments, always tell them you need to leave 15 minutes earlier than you really do, etc. Planning ahead helps to minimize household stress and anxiety for everyone. You also are teaching coping skills that will help your children as they eventually become adults.

3) Give your kids chores in the house. The most important is keeping their room organized and clean. At a minimum - once a week. However, it helps if they spend 15 minutes per day (making bed - can't tell you how many things get lost in a messy bed) so the chore doesn't overwhelm them. Other chores - emptying and filling dishwasher, vacuuming, folding clothes, cleaning bathrooms, etc. teach them responsibility of keep the whole house clean and keeping things organized. Everyone chips in and it can get done in little time.

4) Stop the hoarding. I don't know if every person with ADHD is like this but my kids have a hard time discriminating what is important and what can be let go. This especially applies to school and their binders. I buy 2 - 3" binders for the year. They then will have a fresh, empty notebook in the new semester and the old one is stored on a shelf for reference. Clearing out clothes either damaged or too small, toys not wanted, etc. helps clear the clutter and maintain an organized environment.

5) Get in the habit of everyone writing down to do lists. I find it helpful to sit down right before bed to make a to do list for the next day so I know what to get started on first thing. For your child, it might be better to do when they get home from school to make a quick to do list of all their homework subjects.

6) Realize with ADHD, they cannot focus for long periods of time but they also procrastinate. My kids eat a snack when they come home, make their lists, then work on homework for 30-45 minutes, take a 20 minute break or do an afterschool activity, come back and do homework, etc. For the breaks, we set timers so they know when break time is over.

Hope this helps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These unproven meds change the brain development of such young children.

Anecdotes do not qualify as scientific proof. This is a very HIGH profit market.

BEWARE.

Oh, stop. They've been studying the effects of ritalin for DECADES.

Not the pp. but there have been many studies on adolescents that have shown medicating ADHD has no long term benefit. Studies have also shown it is addictive. It can also cause depression. So, why give it to a six year old?