Anonymous
05/12/2015 17:44
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Op here. I appreciate all the replies. When inlaws are planning this trip is after a holiday we usually spend with them--but if we swap holidays with my parents we could naturally be in the area at the same time ( as assuming they are not planning on is traveling to there house as they won't be ther) So with this in mind I could use part of what PP wrote and we could just meet up for a day.
Am glad I posted here first instead of over reacting/ letting pregnancy hormones drive me. Now that I have thought about it,I really think the bigger upsetting factor for me was growing up (and my husband had this also) grandparents would sometimes do a "all family trip" which I remmeber with great memories ---so when I heard this al inclusive week long trip i think I just put my pre dispositions on it.
As some pps said I know I need to work on not having a score card and pre set expectations. Believe me I am trying, obviously I need to work on it.
Am glad I posted here first instead of over reacting/ letting pregnancy hormones drive me. Now that I have thought about it,I really think the bigger upsetting factor for me was growing up (and my husband had this also) grandparents would sometimes do a "all family trip" which I remmeber with great memories ---so when I heard this al inclusive week long trip i think I just put my pre dispositions on it.
As some pps said I know I need to work on not having a score card and pre set expectations. Believe me I am trying, obviously I need to work on it.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 17:34
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
It's the in-laws money and they get to choose what they spend it on.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 17:30
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:16:21, I totally disagree. I do get what you are saying, but you are projecting a lot of awkwardness and bad feelings that are not there, per the OP.
If it's a week long Disney trip, meeting up with them at the park for a day or so is no big deal. They will conceivably be staying at her parents house and will just join up at the park.
I don't see all the horrible feuding you are
I said awkward, how did that translate into feud?? Please to explain .
Anonymous
05/12/2015 17:05
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
16:21, I totally disagree. I do get what you are saying, but you are projecting a lot of awkwardness and bad feelings that are not there, per the OP.
If it's a week long Disney trip, meeting up with them at the park for a day or so is no big deal. They will conceivably be staying at her parents house and will just join up at the park.
I don't see all the horrible feuding you are
If it's a week long Disney trip, meeting up with them at the park for a day or so is no big deal. They will conceivably be staying at her parents house and will just join up at the park.
I don't see all the horrible feuding you are
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:21
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:If it's not about the money, and you really just want to join, what about saying/writing something like
"We were so excited to hear that you and niece/nephews were going to be able to visit Disney together. We have enjoyed it so much ourselves, and are thrilled niece and nephew will get to experience it, too. We were wondering if you would be okay with us joining you for a few days of the trip so we could all enjoy it together. We would take care of all of our own arrangements (as you know my parents live nearby) but would love to just coordinate some park time. Hope it works out!"
NONO! Don't do this OP, do not do this. This makes it awkward. Maybe they just wanted a trip with just them. And wanting that is not a slight. Sometimes you don't want to be around everyone you are related to even though you still love them. If they thought of this as an entire clan gathering, everyone would have gotten the invite and would have been involved with planning the logistics. Trying to jump on board at this late date will just make things awkward and you will wind up with even more hurt feelings. If you want to plan a cousin trip, do that, but leave this alone. I'm telling you, you are not being slighted, you will have other chances to have your kids do things with their grandparents and cousins. Put down the tally sheet before you end up so bitter, the inlaws really will have a reason to distance themselves from you.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:18
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:If it's not about the money, and you really just want to join, what about saying/writing something like
"We were so excited to hear that you and niece/nephews were going to be able to visit Disney together. We have enjoyed it so much ourselves, and are thrilled niece and nephew will get to experience it, too. We were wondering if you would be okay with us joining you for a few days of the trip so we could all enjoy it together. We would take care of all of our own arrangements (as you know my parents live nearby) but would love to just coordinate some park time. Hope it works out!"
If it's not about the money.
This.
And hard, but don't keep score for your own sanity.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:16
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
If it's not about the money, and you really just want to join, what about saying/writing something like
"We were so excited to hear that you and niece/nephews were going to be able to visit Disney together. We have enjoyed it so much ourselves, and are thrilled niece and nephew will get to experience it, too. We were wondering if you would be okay with us joining you for a few days of the trip so we could all enjoy it together. We would take care of all of our own arrangements (as you know my parents live nearby) but would love to just coordinate some park time. Hope it works out!"
"We were so excited to hear that you and niece/nephews were going to be able to visit Disney together. We have enjoyed it so much ourselves, and are thrilled niece and nephew will get to experience it, too. We were wondering if you would be okay with us joining you for a few days of the trip so we could all enjoy it together. We would take care of all of our own arrangements (as you know my parents live nearby) but would love to just coordinate some park time. Hope it works out!"
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:14
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:op here again--also why I asked on an anonymous forum and not say something to them or DH, because wasn't sure if it was my pregnancy hormones or if this is something that is worth discussing. I have not said anything to my inlaws other then to offer to help them plan/offer suggestions when they told us.
Did you not say that your kid has already been to Disney -- that your parents live in FLA and so your kids will always have easy access to Disney? So know you are annoyed that your in-laws are paying for the other kids to go to Disney, the same place you have already been and have acess to and will admittedly go to on many other trips? I.just. can't.
It's not about the money. Someone else suggested we offer to pay, which I am going to suggest to my husband. It's about being included in a big "family" trip that included the other grandchildren. When I go it's because my parents live there. It is not the all inclusive deal you may be imagining. One day one park home to sleep. Not the resort/package trip my Inlaws are doing. I just mentioned my ffrequency/ that we've been as was being transparent and wanted honest feedback and thought that could be a reason for the non invite.
Have you invited all of your in-laws to go to Disney when you go? See what I mean? Everything in life is not 50-50, it just is not. Your inlaws are taking their daughter and her kids on a trip. Maybe you can suggest another trip some other time you all can go on. The only thing your inlaws are doing wrong is telling you that they paid for it, now all this drama. Let it go, seriously, it's only a slight if you want it to be.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:09
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:op here again--also why I asked on an anonymous forum and not say something to them or DH, because wasn't sure if it was my pregnancy hormones or if this is something that is worth discussing. I have not said anything to my inlaws other then to offer to help them plan/offer suggestions when they told us.
Did you not say that your kid has already been to Disney -- that your parents live in FLA and so your kids will always have easy access to Disney? So know you are annoyed that your in-laws are paying for the other kids to go to Disney, the same place you have already been and have acess to and will admittedly go to on many other trips? I.just. can't.
It's not about the money. Someone else suggested we offer to pay, which I am going to suggest to my husband. It's about being included in a big "family" trip that included the other grandchildren. When I go it's because my parents live there. It is not the all inclusive deal you may be imagining. One day one park home to sleep. Not the resort/package trip my Inlaws are doing. I just mentioned my ffrequency/ that we've been as was being transparent and wanted honest feedback and thought that could be a reason for the non invite.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:06
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
OP, if you're really from FL, you pay a lot less for tickets to Disney anyway.
No, I would not and DO not expect my in-laws to treat us all the same (LOL, even though my in-laws are from a communist country, oh the delicious irony).
I think you need to let this go. Ask if you guys can come along but don't expect your in-laws to pay for you. If they do, great. If not, fine. Your family might get things that your DH's siblings do not, and we are often blind to our own privileges. There's nothing you can do to change it, so you might as well adopt the motto I use with my in-laws: you get what you get and you don't get upset.
No, I would not and DO not expect my in-laws to treat us all the same (LOL, even though my in-laws are from a communist country, oh the delicious irony).
I think you need to let this go. Ask if you guys can come along but don't expect your in-laws to pay for you. If they do, great. If not, fine. Your family might get things that your DH's siblings do not, and we are often blind to our own privileges. There's nothing you can do to change it, so you might as well adopt the motto I use with my in-laws: you get what you get and you don't get upset.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:05
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. My MIL does SO much more for my SIL and her daughter -- she has bought them a laptop or tablet every year for the past 5 years, pays for trips for them, even drives 5 hours to stay with them at least every couple of months because SIL needs MIL to deep-clean her bathrooms and "give her a break" for a week or so during which MIL cleans, cooks, co-sleeps with my niece, and generally does everything so SIL can take a vacation from responsibilities.
Meanwhile, she lives 10 minutes from us and has never offered to help with anything since the baby was born. Gifts are crappy things from Home Shopping Network that we literally usually throw directly into the garbage.
But what are you gonna do? Maybe you seem more functional than the other family. Maybe you seem to have more money, and they're just trying to, in their mind, level the playing field by helping another set of grandkids see Disney, since yours will be Disney regulars.
Giving kids the exact equal treatment isn't always fair either. Why should kids who go to Disney every year anyway get another trip to Disney, when the other family never gets to go? I'm not saying it's okay or feels good, but please just let it go. Appreciate what you have and focus on what you can control.
WOW! Your MIL would probably see and do more with your family if her daughter didn't wear her out!!!! Sounds like your MIL is being a bit taken advantage of, not that you are getting left out. Bet anything your MIL is seeking her daughter's approval and love, don't be jealous of that, I feel sorry for the lady.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:00
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
How old are SIL's children?
Anonymous
05/12/2015 16:00
Subject: Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
OP, I sympathize. My MIL does SO much more for my SIL and her daughter -- she has bought them a laptop or tablet every year for the past 5 years, pays for trips for them, even drives 5 hours to stay with them at least every couple of months because SIL needs MIL to deep-clean her bathrooms and "give her a break" for a week or so during which MIL cleans, cooks, co-sleeps with my niece, and generally does everything so SIL can take a vacation from responsibilities.
Meanwhile, she lives 10 minutes from us and has never offered to help with anything since the baby was born. Gifts are crappy things from Home Shopping Network that we literally usually throw directly into the garbage.
But what are you gonna do? Maybe you seem more functional than the other family. Maybe you seem to have more money, and they're just trying to, in their mind, level the playing field by helping another set of grandkids see Disney, since yours will be Disney regulars.
Giving kids the exact equal treatment isn't always fair either. Why should kids who go to Disney every year anyway get another trip to Disney, when the other family never gets to go? I'm not saying it's okay or feels good, but please just let it go. Appreciate what you have and focus on what you can control.
Meanwhile, she lives 10 minutes from us and has never offered to help with anything since the baby was born. Gifts are crappy things from Home Shopping Network that we literally usually throw directly into the garbage.
But what are you gonna do? Maybe you seem more functional than the other family. Maybe you seem to have more money, and they're just trying to, in their mind, level the playing field by helping another set of grandkids see Disney, since yours will be Disney regulars.
Giving kids the exact equal treatment isn't always fair either. Why should kids who go to Disney every year anyway get another trip to Disney, when the other family never gets to go? I'm not saying it's okay or feels good, but please just let it go. Appreciate what you have and focus on what you can control.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 15:56
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Anonymous wrote:op here again--also why I asked on an anonymous forum and not say something to them or DH, because wasn't sure if it was my pregnancy hormones or if this is something that is worth discussing. I have not said anything to my inlaws other then to offer to help them plan/offer suggestions when they told us.
Did you not say that your kid has already been to Disney -- that your parents live in FLA and so your kids will always have easy access to Disney? So know you are annoyed that your in-laws are paying for the other kids to go to Disney, the same place you have already been and have acess to and will admittedly go to on many other trips? I.just. can't.
Anonymous
05/12/2015 15:44
Subject: Re:Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?
Your child has already been and you say you all will again many times. Maybe the others are going because it will be the one and only time they will go.