Oh my God. They are truly awful. And I say it as a very laid back 'very few rules' hippy type parent. There is a difference between not sweating every little thing and neglect with a side of failing in being a parent taking care of kids, which is what they are doing.

It's going to mess those kids up - is there a family member who can do an intervention?

Anonymous wrote:They sound like alcoholics.

I agree.

OP, sorry that was such a stressful vacation. I would consider going to an al-Anon meeting yourself--it's for relatives of alcoholics. If you're sister uses family visits to get drunk, most like that's just the justification du jour. She would probably say that she was on vacation for this weekend, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is exactly how we grew up. She's always been more lax on rules and structure, but this week seems particularly bad. I've always been more "together" than my sister I do not have children. We live 5 hours from them, but they will be moving to the west coast at the end of the month.

OIC. You're not a parent, but you're full of judgment for those who are. Typical.

I don't think you need to have children yourself to know that getting wasted and leaving your toddler and preschooler unsupervised, inviting uninvited guests without letting the host know, leaving dirty diapers around, and getting food all over the place is NOT okay. It's not like criticizing CIO vs. attachment parenting. This are basic things that any idiot whether he/she has spawned or not would know.

Maybe it's because I didn't have a child 'till I was 42, but I hate the idea that only parents of children are allowed to have any sense of standards for how parents of children should act in society. Though there is a lot that I didn't know how to do until I had my own child, I still have the same general idea about how decent people act, especially as guests.

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the kids, but they'll learn to fend for themselves pretty quickly with these kind of parents. For better or for worse.

Like you I feel for the kids...but unlike you...learning to fend isn't assured. What is assured is that there will be damage done. Not the least of which is an increased chance they will become alcoholics.

Your sister sounds like a dead beat. I'm sorry next time, offer to take the kids for a weekend by yourself. She gets a break and you get times with your niece/nephews, and they get a taste of calm, maybe?

OP I enjoy a drink here and there. When on vacation especially. And when do I indulge? After the kids are asleep and I run it past my parents to listen out for them, please. If my parents have plans to go out themselves, I limit myself and so does DH.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, but I'm not a complete alcoholic. I would contact AlAnon.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is exactly how we grew up. She's always been more lax on rules and structure, but this week seems particularly bad. I've always been more "together" than my sister I do not have children. We live 5 hours from them, but they will be moving to the west coast at the end of the month.

Before other parents jump on you for daring to judge while having no children of your own, I'm going to support your reaction to the train wreck you've just experienced.

We recently had a single mom come by to visit. She describes her son as "all boy" and acts helpless whenever her child has a complete meltdown. Repeatedly.

I'm a single mom too, and have made it my personal mission to raise children who know how to behave. We each put in a good amount of effort to meet up regularly. I like her a lot. It's sad that I'll have to put an end to visits at my home. My kids talked about the behavior, which astonished them, after they were in bed. I told them it was because he's a baby at daycare, while they're in big kid school. They didn't really buy it because they'd never behaved like that at that age.

You'll get flack because how dare you have an opinion since you don't have children. Uh, it's valid. You've never suggested that it would be easy to raise children. You didn't even point to the children as the problem, but your cray cray sister.

I'm sorry that you had this disappointing experience. You just wanted to vent. But if you are interested in being a positive influence, you can always offer to take the kids off their hands for a few hours, here and there. Without ever commenting on your sister's methods, you could introduce them to different experiences, a different way of living. You could provide a sense of safety and be someone they can come to in the future with school, friend, family questions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have two choices: either confront her or MYOB. If you do the former, it's very likely she'll tell you to MYOFB and could even cut you out of the childrens' lives. Because, really, you are being exceptionally judgmental.

If you MYOB, then give her the benefit of the doubt about the vacation mindset and the need for a break. She may have been at the absolute end of her rope for who knows what reasons, and she may have used the week at the beach to completely let loose. It doesn't sound entirely appropriate but the children were ultimately okay.

Get the stick out of your ass and either give your sister a break on this one or offer to help her out in some way. Judging and bitching from afar will do nothing to help your nephews or your relationship with your sister.

Oh shut up! None of this is ok. It isn't the sister's condo. It's OP's and she is not being judgemental.
She's concerned about the obvious neglectful behavior going on.

I have to shut up? Simply because I have a different opinion than you do? That's pretty narrow minded. Why do I have to shut up, exactly? It's true: OP has to either confront her sister or mind her own business. She is being judgemental because she is not giving her sister the benefit of the doubt about anything. Again, it's not normal behavior but OP owes it to her sister to figure out what's going on. Simply sitting back and deciding that her sister is an unequivocally horrible mother doesn't achieve anything.

You sound awfully defensive. Perhaps you're OP and you don't actually want to look yourself in the mirror and realize that you need to take a more mature angle towards this whole situation?

The 5 year old should have been able to handle his own pajama and toothbrushing situation, but other than that, yikes. Those poor kids. Has your sister always been an alcoholic, or is this new behavior? Sometimes the stress of being a parent (especially when you're not good at it) can push a drinker over the edge into dependency. I speak from experience on that one -- I've been dry for a while, but it wasn't pretty when I got near my personal "rock bottom."

She needs to reel it in -- and if she can't, then she needs to quit. 5 and 2 is way too young for both parents to be drunk, ever. Someone always needs to be sober enough to deal with the paramedics and police in case of emergency. Maybe she just figured that was you since it was her "vacation," but you don't get to take a vacation from being a parent unless you actually hire a babysitter or at least make sure SOMEONE is designated to be responsible in an emergency.

OP I am surprised you did not expect this of them. Sounds like something they do consistently and not a one time thing. My sister drinks like a fish at family events to cope (yes, I think she is a high functioning alcoholic that everyone oretends is not happening) She wants to just get drunk and hang out and thinks everyone else should be excited to take care of her kids. She never views family events as time to spend with family, she views it as a time where she should not have to take care of her kids. Although, I have not seen her completely neglect them the way your sibling did.
Are you sure she does not have alcohol issues?

I would guess you learned your lesson - don't vacation with her and her family again.

Anonymous wrote:So you have two choices: either confront her or MYOB. If you do the former, it's very likely she'll tell you to MYOFB and could even cut you out of the childrens' lives. Because, really, you are being exceptionally judgmental.

If you MYOB, then give her the benefit of the doubt about the vacation mindset and the need for a break. She may have been at the absolute end of her rope for who knows what reasons, and she may have used the week at the beach to completely let loose. It doesn't sound entirely appropriate but the children were ultimately okay.

Get the stick out of your ass and either give your sister a break on this one or offer to help her out in some way. Judging and bitching from afar will do nothing to help your nephews or your relationship with your sister.

Oh shut up! None of this is ok. It isn't the sister's condo. It's OP's and she is not being judgemental.
She's concerned about the obvious neglectful behavior going on.

So you have two choices: either confront her or MYOB. If you do the former, it's very likely she'll tell you to MYOFB and could even cut you out of the childrens' lives. Because, really, you are being exceptionally judgmental.

If you MYOB, then give her the benefit of the doubt about the vacation mindset and the need for a break. She may have been at the absolute end of her rope for who knows what reasons, and she may have used the week at the beach to completely let loose. It doesn't sound entirely appropriate but the children were ultimately okay.

Get the stick out of your ass and either give your sister a break on this one or offer to help her out in some way. Judging and bitching from afar will do nothing to help your nephews or your relationship with your sister.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I work with children and know what is and is not appropriate behavior. Passing out drunk and not caring for your children is NOT ok. Smacking amd yelling about your children is NOT ok. Allowing your children to abuse propert that is not theirs due to lack of supervision is NOT ok.

You're right. None of this is okay. Of course someone who doesn't have kids is perfectly capable of realizing when gross negligence and terrible parenting is going on. Any reasonable person would realize this kind of thing is outside of normal behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is exactly how we grew up. She's always been more lax on rules and structure, but this week seems particularly bad. I've always been more "together" than my sister I do not have children. We live 5 hours from them, but they will be moving to the west coast at the end of the month.

OIC. You're not a parent, but you're full of judgment for those who are. Typical.

Shut the fuck up. Dirty diapers, hiring and screaming is ok?

Actually, yes, it is.

That explains a lot then.

OP here. I work with children and know what is and is not appropriate behavior. Passing out drunk and not caring for your children is NOT ok. Smacking amd yelling about your children is NOT ok. Allowing your children to abuse propert that is not theirs due to lack of supervision is NOT ok.