Anonymous
05/16/2015 08:43
Subject: Re:1st summer home after college ?
Anonymous wrote:Two of mine are 20 and 23. Each went to college when they were 16. Here are the rules they had:
1. If you're home for a month or more, you must be doing something that equals full time, whether that's a quickie course at the local college to bang out a requirement combined with a job, or just a full time job.
2. You are to contain your mess to your bedroom, and not do anything to attract animals.
3. You are absolutely welcome to do laundry, but may not leave clothes in either machine any longer than eight hours.
4. You are to let me know by 4pm if you will be home for dinner or not, and are to ask by 4pm if you want to invite friends to our dinner. If you want to have friends over after family dinner time and THEN go making food or ordering in, you are cooking, paying and cleaning up from it.
5. If you're staying out later than I am staying awake, you are to close my bedroom door completely once you're home (that's the kids signal they're home without waking me). You are to lock the door and not to wake other people up.
6. You are to ask if you can have friends over. As in high school, you are responsible for either getting them to clean up any messes or cleaning them up yourself, and getting your friends to follow house rules. If you can not get a friend to follow the rules and need me to play Mean Mommy, let me know.
I don't really bother saying no drinking and driving. That's like saying "Don't murder people." Of course the kids know to follow all the laws. I don't mind if they sleep late as long as they meet their obligations (job, college course). They know they can always call if they don't have a sober way of getting home. Some of these are basic and about respecting a home. If you eat the dinner someone else prepared you are helping to clean up from it. They know if they want to have a friend over for dinner they need to tell the friend to contribute. "Help me set the table," or "We have to empty the dishwasher," or something. I try to treat them like adult roommates they want to be, with a bit of extra mom-help.
Rules to ensure kids move far, far away.
Anonymous
05/16/2015 08:39
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
Anonymous wrote:1) Curfew is 10PM, 7 days a week.
2) No drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol in the house
3) You are expected to work 40hrs every week, whether in a professional setting for fast food/what ever.
4) Rent, water, utilities due first of every month.
5) Your goal is aquiring a job that allows you to move out.
Do you still pick out his outfit each morning, too?
Anonymous
05/16/2015 06:27
Subject: Re:1st summer home after college ?
We have one recent college grad and one current college student (plus our youngest who's about to graduate from high school). Honestly, we've never had issues with them coming home for breaks or summer. They've always had work or volunteer gigs set up for themselves, which makes it easier. Still, there's usually a period of adjustment over the first few days that they're home, but we've found that we can just talk things through without a lot of formal rules. Our kids are basically respectful, responsible and kind people (except when they were in that crazy teen phase in 10th grade; fortunately, they emerged from that --phew!). It's fun to have them home when they're here, and we love seeing their friends.
Anonymous
05/16/2015 01:49
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
LOL @ pp with the 10pm curfew.
No curfew. Courtesy text if not coming hone.
Clean up after yourself including laundry.
Meals will be ready at X time. If you are here fine. Don't expect another meal.
Help out when needed.
No curfew. Courtesy text if not coming hone.
Clean up after yourself including laundry.
Meals will be ready at X time. If you are here fine. Don't expect another meal.
Help out when needed.
Anonymous
05/16/2015 01:38
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
**PP here. Sorry about all the crappy typos. I'm tired but insomniac tonight. Boo.
Anonymous
05/16/2015 01:37
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
I remember going through this the hard way my first summer back from college. After that, I always got a job and paid rent in someone's super cheap sublet.
I was (and still am, at 44
) a good kid. But in college, I wanted to stay out late and I did. I slept in as I wanted. And I had a massive crush/boyfriend who I did not sleep with at home, but sometimes I stayed over at his place.
This put a great deal of stress on my parents who had to younger kids at home that they wanted to keep following their rules (curfews, sleeping at boys' houses, chores, schedules, participating in family weekend activities, and so on). So me coming back home all of a sudden wanting completely different rules apply to me rules threw off their game and the family dynamic. And after a big fight and cool-off discussion about it, I understood their point of view. It wasn't reasonable for me to think of my parents' and younger siblings' home as my dorm. Because it wasn't. It couldn't be.
I was (and still am, at 44
) a good kid. But in college, I wanted to stay out late and I did. I slept in as I wanted. And I had a massive crush/boyfriend who I did not sleep with at home, but sometimes I stayed over at his place.
This put a great deal of stress on my parents who had to younger kids at home that they wanted to keep following their rules (curfews, sleeping at boys' houses, chores, schedules, participating in family weekend activities, and so on). So me coming back home all of a sudden wanting completely different rules apply to me rules threw off their game and the family dynamic. And after a big fight and cool-off discussion about it, I understood their point of view. It wasn't reasonable for me to think of my parents' and younger siblings' home as my dorm. Because it wasn't. It couldn't be.
Anonymous
05/15/2015 18:58
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
Anonymous wrote:1) Curfew is 10PM, 7 days a week.
2) No drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol in the house
3) You are expected to work 40hrs every week, whether in a professional setting for fast food/what ever.
4) Rent, water, utilities due first of every month.
5) Your goal is aquiring a job that allows you to move out.
This is a college student -- did you read the post?
Why would you impose a curfew?
Anonymous
05/15/2015 18:50
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
1) Curfew is 10PM, 7 days a week.
2) No drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol in the house
3) You are expected to work 40hrs every week, whether in a professional setting for fast food/what ever.
4) Rent, water, utilities due first of every month.
5) Your goal is aquiring a job that allows you to move out.
2) No drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol in the house
3) You are expected to work 40hrs every week, whether in a professional setting for fast food/what ever.
4) Rent, water, utilities due first of every month.
5) Your goal is aquiring a job that allows you to move out.
Anonymous
05/13/2015 14:41
Subject: 1st summer home after college ?
I treat it as roommate courtesy. It's not trying to be controlling. Just trying to be respectful of everyone you share a living space with.
For me: I'd like to know when he expects to be home and to text if that changes. The text won't wake me, but if I wake and get worried, the text will let me know he's fine because plans changed.
Pick up after himself in common areas.
No overnight hookup guests. (He better not be doing that, but it's definately not allowed in my house). Long term girlfriends ok.
He does his own laundry. No need to ask for that.
He helps out with family chores as needed. But he's also willing to do that, so it's also not a fight. And by that I mean things like yard work, loading the dishwasher, emptying it if it's done, cleaning up any weird mess he makes.
For me: I'd like to know when he expects to be home and to text if that changes. The text won't wake me, but if I wake and get worried, the text will let me know he's fine because plans changed.
Pick up after himself in common areas.
No overnight hookup guests. (He better not be doing that, but it's definately not allowed in my house). Long term girlfriends ok.
He does his own laundry. No need to ask for that.
He helps out with family chores as needed. But he's also willing to do that, so it's also not a fight. And by that I mean things like yard work, loading the dishwasher, emptying it if it's done, cleaning up any weird mess he makes.