Anonymous wrote:How well behaved are your children?

Absolutely this. I host play dates at my house regularly, but one of my close friends is a more hands-off type of parent and the last several times she brought her two kids over (3 and 5), they broke various toys, climbed on the arms of my furniture with shoes on and jumped off (which I do not allow my kids to do), pried open the babygate at the stairs and raced up to the bedrooms (after repeatedly being told they couldnt go upstairs), requiring me and friend to go chasing after all the kids in the part of the house that was not "guest ready," which embarrassed me. My friend has a different parenting style and I'm okay with that on neutral territory, but when they are at my house I feel totally put out. I really like spending time with this friend and my daughter likes playing with her kids, but they destroy my house and cross boundaries that I don't like. So now I avoid having them over and we meet at activities or parks. I'm done replacing my kids toys after every playdate.

Perhaps you have a nice large home where you keep things clean + organized all the time.

When they see how neat and spacious your home is, they probably feel inferior to you.

Take it as a form of a compliment, I guess.

How well behaved are your children?

We have this issue too - we do have a huge play room with lots of toys - we have a lot of people say they want us to come over and usually they say "but we don't have nearly as many toys" or "please ignore our mess" - my house is by no means perfect, but I think they generally come in and go straight to the play room so don't really get a chance to notice the piles sitting on my desk. We do have people that want to come over every week (we have a nanny) - we just try not to take it personally. My children really would absolutely love to be invited over to other houses and could careless how many toys there are, but alas I want them to have playdates, so we do end up hosting more often than not

Anonymous wrote:I'm another poster who hates having people over at my house. Like 19:44, I initiate playdates at parks/playgrounds/invite people to join us on activities, etc. But, I'm not a huge fan of entertaining. It's always been my personality. Don't take it personally, OP!

OP here. I think the friends like us because they do invite us to outings, just never to their homes. I will try not to take it personally.

I'm another poster who hates having people over at my house. Like 19:44, I initiate playdates at parks/playgrounds/invite people to join us on activities, etc. But, I'm not a huge fan of entertaining. It's always been my personality. Don't take it personally, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.

+1

We haven't had many people over because we are renovating. Only close friends with their kids. Because we both work it is hard to schedule as well. There was a really cool mom I talked to at a pre-school party, and I would have loved to invite her and her daughter over except my daughter complains about how mean her daughter is a lot! Serious bummer.

I've got a nicely renovated three bedroom condo. My daughter has a playroom. I still feel like its a small space compared to the other homes we've been invited to. But the real reason I don't invite people over because I hate entertaining. Will meet-up almost anywhere though. It's about me not the other family. Don't take it personally.

Anonymous wrote:They probably just don't feel like having other people over at their houses. Some people are more or less comfortable with it. Is your house particularly nice or large? It's possible they feel intimidated or like you won't be comfortable at their place if it's messy and/or smaller.

Another issue is playrooms. We love going places where they have a basement playroom, and it works great with a bunch of kids. We don't have a playroom, and so it's kind of hard to have a group over. We do one-on-one meet-ups, but if it's going to be more than one friend, we usually suggest a park or other location.

OP here. Our entire house is like a big giant playroom. I'm not particularly proud of it but we have toys in pretty much every room. The kids' bedrooms are full of toys. Main floor has a play room and family room full of toys. Our library has computer games, puzzles, games and books. Basement has media room, all the big toys that we can't fit in the main part of the house and bulky baby/toddler toys.

As PPs have stated, might be self-consciousness on the part of others. I feel a lot of stress inviting people over because our house is always so messy (imho). DH just does it, occasionally, and it's usually fine. But I just can't get my over-bearing mother's requirement of nothing out of place before someone else enters the house out of my head.

They probably just don't feel like having other people over at their houses. Some people are more or less comfortable with it. Is your house particularly nice or large? It's possible they feel intimidated or like you won't be comfortable at their place if it's messy and/or smaller.

Another issue is playrooms. We love going places where they have a basement playroom, and it works great with a bunch of kids. We don't have a playroom, and so it's kind of hard to have a group over. We do one-on-one meet-ups, but if it's going to be more than one friend, we usually suggest a park or other location.

Here are the various reasons my kid has said no to me suggesting we invite over various kids:

- she just walks around talking to herself
- he only ever wants to play super heroes
- she touches her butt a lot ... INSIDE her pants
- she smells weird
- he hits and then cries when he's caught
- she always wants to bring her little sister
- she has a weird rash all around her mouth
- his mom hates you

we have the same issue--our children are in charter school so other kids are really far away. Also we live in an apartment so it is a little difficult to have children and parents over--we can have one family over but as our kids get older things are getting pretty tight.

I do find that there are some people who invite back and some who don't. I tend to focus on the friends who invite back. or try to seek out families with only one child, they may be more motivated to try to get together. We have a neighbor who we have dinner and playdate with 2-3 weekends a month--we always arrange last minute, switch back and forth between each other's homes. because it's walking distance it's really easy.

it's not you, OP, I was shocked when I first moved here and would have people over for dinner and they would never reciprocate.

The truth is that it's hard to make friends, because people are so busy, may be already established here and not have time for new friends.

Looking at the small circle of good friends I have, I can see that without exception, they were all newcomers when we met and became friends - they were open to new friendships!

So seek out the newcomers, OP. That's the secret.
You can also find parents who work in your field and parents of children who play really well with your child (because then the parents will make more of an effort). There has to be some special connection.