After years of charitable organizing, giving, and volunteering, I no longer give these kinds of donations. I wouldn't do it.

This would make me uncomfortable. It just feels like one more pissing match on some level. Like, oh great if my kid wants and gets gifts, then we're the schmucks who don't donate to earthquake relief instead. And I'm a person who does request no gifts sometimes. Which most people abide by and a few ignore.

I just think you can't tell people what gift to bring. Saying no gifts is a bit different than telling people what to give you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel better asking for/donating physical items rather than cash.

No way! Money is way more useful to the recipients in emergency situations such as this one.

I'm the quoted PP. I realize money is more useful, but 14:43 articulated perfectly why I'd feel more comfortable with physical items.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's rude to tell people what to give you as a gift.

Ha! BS
Tell that to all the people who register for weddings and baby showers. Are you one of those irritating people who won't buy off of someone's registry?

I don't know OP, I see that your heart is in the right place but I'm not sure I would want to bring a certain amount of money, that you are fully aware of that amount, to a kids birthday party.
I can see this turning into Liam's mom donating $100 because she is really into charitable giving and her sister once lived there or something, and Aidens mom bringing $20, which is what she would spend on a gift since they're close friends of yours, and then Graham's mom is stuck because they don't really know your family but the kids are friends and she was planning to regift a little dollar store thing since they have 3 birthdays this month and Graham wants to go to all of them.
You see where I'm going with this? Don't do it.

Anonymous wrote:I would feel better asking for/donating physical items rather than cash.

No way! Money is way more useful to the recipients in emergency situations such as this one.

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get this.

If you want to contribute to earthquake relief, please do.

However, I will contribute where and how I see fit. Why on earth are you saying anything about this?

And it's especially bad to say: I'll contribute, but only if you do too (matching).

I'm actually ok with saying 'no gifts' despite etiquette's rulebook because getting gifts you don't want is actually a problem for you to solve (what to do with them, etc). But I'm just outraged at being directed on my charitable spending. It's just not your place simply because you invited my kid to a birthday party.

WTF? You're outraged by this? Sounds like you have anger issues.

If OP is doing this and you don't want to donate, then I'm fairly certain OP would be find with it. And, if you're worried about your 'charitable spending' budget, then you can always consider taking the $20 out of your 'gift-giving' budget, since really, you would have had to spend $20 on a gift anyway.

OP, I have no idea why this receives such a negative response from some of these crazy PPs. OP, do what feels right to you and your DC, and don't worry about other people and their crazy baggage.

I would feel better asking for/donating physical items rather than cash.

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get this.

If you want to contribute to earthquake relief, please do.

However, I will contribute where and how I see fit. Why on earth are you saying anything about this?

And it's especially bad to say: I'll contribute, but only if you do too (matching).

I'm actually ok with saying 'no gifts' despite etiquette's rulebook because getting gifts you don't want is actually a problem for you to solve (what to do with them, etc). But I'm just outraged at being directed on my charitable spending. It's just not your place simply because you invited my kid to a birthday party.

Wow -- I think that's an incredibly odd perspective. Are you also offended when someone dies and the family requests that, in lieu of flowers, you should donate to the American Cancer Society or whatever? Obviously you can always go to the funeral without donating (or, if you hate the ACS, you can donate to the Komen Foundation or something...) -- the family is just telling you what they and the deceased would have wanted. Isn't the goal of a birthday present to please the birthday person? Sure, maybe I would pick a different charity, but if this child is really upset about the disaster in Nepal, and it would give her joy to know that she was helping those families in some small way, then isn't that the best present I can give her? If I really was opposed to the donation (like it was an organization that lobbied for "traditional family values," I would do something else). But I find it really odd to say that you're opposed to giving someone something that would give them pleasure just because you would prefer something else, for yourself. If the child really liked crafts and was ambivalent about board games, but you really liked board games and disliked crafts, would you insist on giving the child a board game?
I agree that there's probably no way to do the matching without it being tacky, but I think the thought was nice.
OP, if this is something your child really wants to do, then I think that's sweet. If it's just you, then I think it's a little more tacky. But, then again, I always had "no gifts" parties for all kids under the age of 4 and 5, and everyone always respected that.

My kid has been to plenty of parties where the child asks to bring something for a charity (usually the animal shelter...) -- I don't think it's at all rude. Here's what I would say:

"Your presence is the only present we desire! However, if you would like to give Larla a gift, she would very much appreciate your making a donation to UNICEF to help the children who have suffered from the earthquake in Nepal."

Alternatively, if you goal is just to really help...I might suggest a charity closer to home so that the children can actually pick something out, wrap it, and bring it (which kids enjoy). For instance, books for a children's shelter or children's hospital; toys for a woman's or children's shelter; new kids shoes for the same (more expensive so only if your friends are the spendy type), etc.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's rude to tell people what to give you as a gift.

+1000 Stop the helicopter birthday gift requests and just let the kid be a kid.

I just don't get this.

If you want to contribute to earthquake relief, please do.

However, I will contribute where and how I see fit. Why on earth are you saying anything about this?

And it's especially bad to say: I'll contribute, but only if you do too (matching).

I'm actually ok with saying 'no gifts' despite etiquette's rulebook because getting gifts you don't want is actually a problem for you to solve (what to do with them, etc). But I'm just outraged at being directed on my charitable spending. It's just not your place simply because you invited my kid to a birthday party.

How old is DD? If a 12yo decides on the no gift/donation thing and she writes the request, fine.

Depends if your friends are as judgy as DCUM...

Yes, it's rude to tell people what to give you as a gift.