We have a few "set" visits--we alternate Christmases between my ILs and my parents; we see my ILs for Thanksgiving; we visit my parents for a week every summer--so those are just about working out the details. Otherwise, they will suggest a trip to see us and we will give them the dates that work best for us, or vice-versa. We assume that we're always welcome in general, but that obviously we need to check in advance because they do make other plans to travel, have guests, etc.

Anonymous wrote:how do you, as an adult with a spouse and children of your own, deal with planning visits to see your parents and in-laws (your kids' grandparents)?

Do you just assume your parents/in-laws want your family to come visit them (and stay with them) and ask them when would be a good time for you to come (essentially inviting yourself though) or do you wait until they specifically ask you to come visit them?

I know my parents and my in-laws love seeing my kids (and me and my husband) but I'm just wondering if it is too presumptuous to propose a date that we come visit or if we should let them be the ones to more formally invite us to come? I don't want to put them in an awkward position of feeling forced to host us but I want to go ahead and plan our summer travels and they haven't said anything indicating they expect us to visit...

The relationship you are describing is kind of cold and formal in my eyes. Yes, we go visit- if we have a weekend in mind I will ask my parents if they have any plans or are going out of town or whatever first but we just tell them we are coming. They don't "host" just like I don't "host" when mine or DH parents come really, making a bigger dinner or breakfast is about it, having a few extra snacks in the house? We just hang out, go for walks, whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We both travel to NY for work, and it makes things super convenient. We can bring the kids so the grandparents get time with them, and we can eat much healthier than eating out and expensing the costs. Plus we leave some stuff there for the kids. It's really great of them. I am an only child, so if you'd like to be my sibling please be non-crazy and don't use the apartment when we're there (about a week each month). I like exchanging gifts, fyi.

Are you sure you need siblings? It sounds as though you need another dad. (Too mean? I probably just disqualified myself from the sibling contest.)

Lol, not too mean. We've had a falling out over his second ex-wife (long story) and we're in a downswing right now.

With my IL everyone comes home for all of the big holiday's and events. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, graduations, etc. Most of the grown children live near mom and dad. Those that don't stay at mom and dad's house. It is assumed you are coming unless you tell them otherwise. For any other visit we will bring it up over the phone. (the grandkids call once a week at a set time, plus whenever they want to talk) It usually goes along the lines of "We were thinking of coming up on XXX, it that ok?" Never once in 21 years have we ever gotten a negative response. The most we will get is are you coming Friday night or Sat morning? Not because either is a problem but because MIL will cook extra dinner and have it ready for us whenever we get there. I LOVE my ILs. No hotels, EVER. For big events it is crazy, loud, and crowded but it is family and everyone respects each other. When the IL's come to visit it works the same way except that for big events we will put the parents up in a hotel since we don't have a seperate guest room. If it is just them coming they can have the entire basement/family room with bathroom.