The biggest expense is you start wanting to live in a house with four bedrooms with great or good public schools (or sometimes dream of private). This house cost trumps all. Guess why all the affordable areas have horrible schools.

Childcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs have hit the big ones. You need "bigger" everything. A small 1br won't cut it. Generally one small car won't cut it - you need two cars that are big enough to hold car seats. You need more plane tickets, better hotel rooms, more tickets to the movies, attractions, etc. You have to care about birthday parties (your kid's and all the other kids whose parties they go to), Halloween costumes, trips to Santa, etc.

It all just adds up.

We operated under the plan that we don't need something until we do. We stayed in the 1 bedroom apartment for 6 months, the 2 bedroom condo for the next 2.5 years and a slightly bigger townhome now. We still make do with one small car. We only do activities like Mygym in the winter months and do free stuff in warm months. It really comes down to your comfort level and how much you like to plan.

If you're still in the My Gym phase, it's only just begun. At your stage I'd only just started to realize that as a family of several people at different life stages, we would function much better outside our small condo. And because we still wanted things that worked for all the family members, we didn't want to move to outer suburbia to get more space, so we spent more for less to stay centrally located. And all the money you've spent on everything up until now hasn't been saved or invested or used to build your wealth. Most of us think it's a fair trade off, but it's still lost opportunity.

Sure, but for the first 4 years we managed not to spend much. I'm suggesting OP doesn't spend a ton in upgrades before she knows if they are necessary

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs have hit the big ones. You need "bigger" everything. A small 1br won't cut it. Generally one small car won't cut it - you need two cars that are big enough to hold car seats. You need more plane tickets, better hotel rooms, more tickets to the movies, attractions, etc. You have to care about birthday parties (your kid's and all the other kids whose parties they go to), Halloween costumes, trips to Santa, etc.

It all just adds up.

We operated under the plan that we don't need something until we do. We stayed in the 1 bedroom apartment for 6 months, the 2 bedroom condo for the next 2.5 years and a slightly bigger townhome now. We still make do with one small car. We only do activities like Mygym in the winter months and do free stuff in warm months. It really comes down to your comfort level and how much you like to plan.

If you're still in the My Gym phase, it's only just begun. At your stage I'd only just started to realize that as a family of several people at different life stages, we would function much better outside our small condo. And because we still wanted things that worked for all the family members, we didn't want to move to outer suburbia to get more space, so we spent more for less to stay centrally located. And all the money you've spent on everything up until now hasn't been saved or invested or used to build your wealth. Most of us think it's a fair trade off, but it's still lost opportunity.

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs have hit the big ones. You need "bigger" everything. A small 1br won't cut it. Generally one small car won't cut it - you need two cars that are big enough to hold car seats. You need more plane tickets, better hotel rooms, more tickets to the movies, attractions, etc. You have to care about birthday parties (your kid's and all the other kids whose parties they go to), Halloween costumes, trips to Santa, etc.

It all just adds up.

We operated under the plan that we don't need something until we do. We stayed in the 1 bedroom apartment for 6 months, the 2 bedroom condo for the next 2.5 years and a slightly bigger townhome now. We still make do with one small car. We only do activities like Mygym in the winter months and do free stuff in warm months. It really comes down to your comfort level and how much you like to plan.

Most of the PPs have hit the big ones. You need "bigger" everything. A small 1br won't cut it. Generally one small car won't cut it - you need two cars that are big enough to hold car seats. You need more plane tickets, better hotel rooms, more tickets to the movies, attractions, etc. You have to care about birthday parties (your kid's and all the other kids whose parties they go to), Halloween costumes, trips to Santa, etc.

It all just adds up.

Kids are as costly as you can afford.
My parents didn't have money for extra curricular activities.
We got the basics and that was it. Mom stayed at home and she cut coupons.

My kids weren't interested in sports. Any clubs they did revolved around after school functions. My daycare provider was reasonable because she was an older woman that watched kids to stay busy.
Some kids won't need interventions or braces and some do.

Be sure to look at health insurance costs. We are fortunate that our family plan is 100% funded by my husband's job. I stay at home so we haven't had that expense. I was able to cloth diaper, breastfeed and buy lots of used clothes. Many of our things were purchased used. You can make the early years fairly inexpensive. From what I understand it gets harder as they age.

God they are expensive! Of course, they don't "need" to be, but I want to offer my children the opportunity to learn and enjoy things besides what is taught at school. Right now I have a 5y old and an infant. The 5y old has ballet at $575 (1150/year) per semester, ice skate at about 180.00 each 6-8 week, so about $1000.00/year; music class (group) 45min each week at $35.00 per class (so, if I keep her in class during the summer months, it will cost us about $1800/year); foreign language at $650/year.

I am a SAHM so we don't need childcare beyond occasional sitters but I would say we can easily spend about $400.00/year on that.

Summer camps for my preschooler cost us this year about U$3000.00 - full time camps without before/after care. If we were not staying here during the summer, we would travel overseas to visit family and we would spend almost all that for air plane tickets alone.

Preschool is around 5600k/year. Started at a little over 2k when she was 2, going 2x/week. Now it is 5600k for 4x/week with "lunch bunch."

Next year she will be going to public K and we won't have preschool costs anymore. She will also be able to attend only one of the "physical" extracurricular - either ballet or ice skate or something else. She will keep the music lessons (which will become more expensive in about 2 years at around $45/class).

Clothes and shoes I have no idea how much we spend per year, but I would guess around 1k total for both kids.

The infant is formula fed so that is about 1300.00/year. Diapers I would guess cost us for each kid around 2k (maybe more) from newborn stage until around age 4 (counting pull ups for overnight).

Food so far - not much an increase in regular groceries for meals, but a significant increase in the budge for fresh fruits and veggies.

Then there is gifts for holidays and birthday. There is also a birthday party budget if you choose to throw a party - at least 300.00/year per kid, most likely, $500.00.

Family vacations: If you choose to go to family friendly vacations such as Disney, you will be shocked at how much you will spend. Or going on a beach vacation, or a day trip to Philly, to Williamsburg - even Annapolis!

There are also other "small" costs such as taking your child to a movie, for an ice cream, buying arts and crafts supplies… that in it self are small, but they do add up quickly.

And the biggest cost of all - college. I just looked into the prepaid tuition program and it will cost us 81k per child for 10 semesters each. Plus money for room and board, books, lab fees and more if we also want to help them significantly with graduate school as well.

I know lots of those costs are a choice and those choices are variable for each family. But even if you choose/can't pay for your children's college, pay for any extra curricular activity, buy used clothes at the thrift store, etc - they still will cost you a pretty penny.

Oh, I almost forgot to add - house cost. Most people will move to a TH or SFH after having kids and that in itself comes with a pretty big costs. Maintenance, increase in utilities bills and what not…

We were toying with the idea of having a 3rd child but after seeing how much college will cost us, we will stop at two.

Here's a few of our ongoing expenses:

Braces: $200/month (will add up to $6000 or so)
Instrumental rental: $25/month per kid
Therapy: $175 per session (no reimbursed by insurance)
Pool membership: $500/summer

I long ago realized that any single hour of a kids' class or activity would cost at least $10-15. And those are the bargains.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trappings of middle class childhood (orthodontia, tutors, preschool, extracurriculars) are expensive. You could forego them, feed your kids cheap food, dress them in handmedowns, etc and save at least several thousand a year. I had none of the things DCUM thinks are essential to success (my parents couldn't afford them), still went to college, and have a professional career.

Maybe so, maybe not.

My 17yo has significant ADD and has both an organizational coach and a specialized tutor, at $60 and $80 per hour each, every week. Prior to putting supports into place, he was failing several classes and struggling mightily. We will likely be looking into tutoring services wherever he ends up at school (and our large state schools are probably not a good fit for him given his issues).

My 13yo DD is a talented violinist and her weekly lessons are $70, plus orchestra fees ($900/year).

They have both had orthodontia for medical (not cosmetic) reasons.

I would not call any of these non-essential - and they are in addition to (past and present and future):

Childcare
Food (exponentially higher with teenagers)
Clothing
Extracurriculars
Summer camps
Lessons
Saving for college tuition
Insurance for a teen driver

Jinx... Hope you 17 yo is doing well!

Kid ended up with mild LDs, teachers kept telling him he is just lazy, causes emotional breakdown, psychologist is $125/hr, plus the tutor at $75/hr, then off to private at $25k a pop or hire a lawyer.

Mild LDs and large universities can equal disaster, hello small SLAC.

Kid excels at sport, eventually is told each game that he is only allowed to pass not score after 1/2 time, becomes frustrated... Hello travel sports at $5k/year. Then he starts getting recruited, hello collage showcases at $650/3 days x 10. The payoff, verbal commitments that mean nothing and coaches that will lie to a 16 yo and drum roll please.... 25% off a very high tuition bill.

I raised the kids I was given not the kids I imagined I would have. I am broke but happy....Knock on wood!

Anonymous wrote:The trappings of middle class childhood (orthodontia, tutors, preschool, extracurriculars) are expensive. You could forego them, feed your kids cheap food, dress them in handmedowns, etc and save at least several thousand a year. I had none of the things DCUM thinks are essential to success (my parents couldn't afford them), still went to college, and have a professional career.

Maybe so, maybe not.

My 17yo has significant ADD and has both an organizational coach and a specialized tutor, at $60 and $80 per hour each, every week. Prior to putting supports into place, he was failing several classes and struggling mightily. We will likely be looking into tutoring services wherever he ends up at school (and our large state schools are probably not a good fit for him given his issues).

My 13yo DD is a talented violinist and her weekly lessons are $70, plus orchestra fees ($900/year).

They have both had orthodontia for medical (not cosmetic) reasons.

I would not call any of these non-essential - and they are in addition to (past and present and future):

Childcare
Food (exponentially higher with teenagers)
Clothing
Extracurriculars
Summer camps
Lessons
Saving for college tuition
Insurance for a teen driver

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah. Extra plane tickets if you fly anywhere.

Yes, and you can only travel during school breaks so your travel costs are inflated in addition to the extra plane tickets and meals. Another thing is that if you have more than two kids, you often have to stay in suites or get two hotel rooms because of occupancy rules.

Childless/childfree person here. We've been on the fence in the past about kids, and the biggest barrier is the childcare costs. They're enormous in this region.

You say you work at home, but you will still need childcare. How are you going to watch a toddler and work at the same time? It's something I've never understood when people say they're going to work at home to take care of their kids. That seems fine once your kids are old enough to take care of themselves or maybe even when they are little babies and not yet mobile. But I don't get how a person gets 8 hours of actual work done a day at home while watching a 1.5 year old. Unless they plant the kid in a playpen and just leave him there all day.