OP, share your struggles and concerns here. My 1st DD was fine with Sunday school and my 2nd really was unhappy about it (sounds a lot like your daughter with issues with lack of friends). We survived by (1) making it clear what our expectations and family policies were; (2) positively reinforcing her reasonable cooperation in the process; (3) letting her off the hook sometimes to show that we understood her issues; (4) actively participate ourselves so that she could see that we made it important for ourselves as well as her. In our family you attend Sunday School until high school at which point we no longer force you to attend (they still have to do High Holy Days and family events). She was not happy with the bat mitzvah either, but did it and I think was proud of the accomplishment.

Different families obviously have different views on this but I don't think there is anything wrong with insisting that your child attend something like this in childhood any more than it is wrong for parents who insist on piano or on Kumon or on anything else that you think is best for your child but they may not like. It is a value for our family to participate in our faith community and our compromise is that when you hit high school you get more autonomy about the extent to which your participate in that family activity.

Good luck, as it is tough to decide the best thing to do on these sorts of issues with kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I disliked it, too--it's school, it's on a weekend, and I had no friends there. But. You gotta go; it's just Sunday mornings; and there are important lessons to be learned. It's sad that it's such a struggle every week. The teachers are young and nice and clueless. I wish my daughter (who is 10) could make a friend, but no. She did have a friend last year, but they changed synagogues. So it's a lonely trail. Somedays I don't want to go, either (there is adult learning while the kids are in class). Any guidance welcome.

perhaps you could try to treat her like a human with free will and reasoning and not brainwash her like a prisoner.

CPS should be called on you - not on the parents of 'free range' kids

You atheists would just love that, wouldn't you. Sadly for you, it probably won't happen in our lifetime.

Maybe in the daughter's lifetime, though and maybe thanks to her negative childhood experiences, she won't brainwash her own kids.

Militant atheists make me laugh.

I don't think so -- it's more like you wish you hadn't walked into that one. Plus you don't have to be a "militant atheist" to not want your child to be brainwashed.

I didn't walk into anything. I seriously laugh at people like you. What else can you do?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for weighing in, even those who say, in effect, stop torturing your child. The goal is a Bat Mitzvah at age 12, followed by lots of camps (she's still too young for sleepaway camp right now--she struggles with "sleepovers" at friends' houses, which she craves.) I do think that summer camp gives you the best positive experience, and I'm looking for a good religious summer camp, but she likes the camp she attends now. So. I'm encouraged that so many of us disliked Sunday school, but survived and I guess learned something.

We tried a different synagogue closer to home and it was nice but not for us (too religious/conservative). My parents belong to the synagogue we now attend, which is more our speed (relaxed), and my folks are thrilled that we attend. That's part of why we go. I might try the children's services, even though they are early in the morning. I find them dull, but they're short and sweet and she could more easily make a friend there. I will also ask, for next year, that she be placed with someone from her school. She just doesn't seem to reach out to the other kids in her class.

As to why go at all: I think to be culturally literate in the West, you've got to know Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, David and Goliath, etc. My daughter asks a lot of questions about death and God that I'd like a rabbi to answer since the questions are often beyond me. Yes, we have books at home, but learning in a group matters. The music is also wonderful. I want my daughter to be comfortable in a synagogue, and next year I think they visit and work on some community projects with some churches nearby, which I also value. The synagogue offers a lot. It's kind of like the doctor's office--she doesn't like to go there, either. Yet she must go. Wish I knew how to make it something she values.

Buy her a book -- take her to movies about these characters. It's one thing to know about them and quite another to be expected to believe in them as part of religious practice. I went to Catholic Catechism and didn't learn about the above bible characters there, but knew all about them anyhow, though the popular culture.

And no, a synagogue is not much like a doctor's office -- you will never suffer from disease or die of an undiagnosed illness for not attending synagogue.

Maybe you'll find a synagogue experience that she "values" but if not, there are many other valuable experiences she could have as a child that mean something to her, and not just to her mother.

Eh. We all have our priorities in life.

I send my children to a weekend school in their native language. They hate it. I told them that I would rather lose my home and be homeless rather than pull them out of that school, because it was their link to our culture and language. End of discussion.

All of my friends have religious school, or their native language school (sometimes two native language schools if their parents are from different countries!), or something else of importance on weekends - your kids are NOT alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I disliked it, too--it's school, it's on a weekend, and I had no friends there. But. You gotta go; it's just Sunday mornings; and there are important lessons to be learned. It's sad that it's such a struggle every week. The teachers are young and nice and clueless. I wish my daughter (who is 10) could make a friend, but no. She did have a friend last year, but they changed synagogues. So it's a lonely trail. Somedays I don't want to go, either (there is adult learning while the kids are in class). Any guidance welcome.

perhaps you could try to treat her like a human with free will and reasoning and not brainwash her like a prisoner.

CPS should be called on you - not on the parents of 'free range' kids

You atheists would just love that, wouldn't you. Sadly for you, it probably won't happen in our lifetime.

Maybe in the daughter's lifetime, though and maybe thanks to her negative childhood experiences, she won't brainwash her own kids.

Militant atheists make me laugh.

I don't think so -- it's more like you wish you hadn't walked into that one. Plus you don't have to be a "militant atheist" to not want your child to be brainwashed.

My DD just had her bat mitzvah. I would say if your kid isn't into it, it will be very hard! It is a lot to learn and take on. I am not saying she was 100% enthused all the time, but it meant something to her and she was proud of the accomplishment.

I am on board with finding the right temple for your family. I would even say join the same temple as a school friend. If she is "hating" it, what value is she really getting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I disliked it, too--it's school, it's on a weekend, and I had no friends there. But. You gotta go; it's just Sunday mornings; and there are important lessons to be learned. It's sad that it's such a struggle every week. The teachers are young and nice and clueless. I wish my daughter (who is 10) could make a friend, but no. She did have a friend last year, but they changed synagogues. So it's a lonely trail. Somedays I don't want to go, either (there is adult learning while the kids are in class). Any guidance welcome.

perhaps you could try to treat her like a human with free will and reasoning and not brainwash her like a prisoner.

CPS should be called on you - not on the parents of 'free range' kids

You atheists would just love that, wouldn't you. Sadly for you, it probably won't happen in our lifetime.

Maybe in the daughter's lifetime, though and maybe thanks to her negative childhood experiences, she won't brainwash her own kids.

Militant atheists make me laugh.

OP here. Thanks for weighing in, even those who say, in effect, stop torturing your child. The goal is a Bat Mitzvah at age 12, followed by lots of camps (she's still too young for sleepaway camp right now--she struggles with "sleepovers" at friends' houses, which she craves.) I do think that summer camp gives you the best positive experience, and I'm looking for a good religious summer camp, but she likes the camp she attends now. So. I'm encouraged that so many of us disliked Sunday school, but survived and I guess learned something.

We tried a different synagogue closer to home and it was nice but not for us (too religious/conservative). My parents belong to the synagogue we now attend, which is more our speed (relaxed), and my folks are thrilled that we attend. That's part of why we go. I might try the children's services, even though they are early in the morning. I find them dull, but they're short and sweet and she could more easily make a friend there. I will also ask, for next year, that she be placed with someone from her school. She just doesn't seem to reach out to the other kids in her class.

As to why go at all: I think to be culturally literate in the West, you've got to know Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, David and Goliath, etc. My daughter asks a lot of questions about death and God that I'd like a rabbi to answer since the questions are often beyond me. Yes, we have books at home, but learning in a group matters. The music is also wonderful. I want my daughter to be comfortable in a synagogue, and next year I think they visit and work on some community projects with some churches nearby, which I also value. The synagogue offers a lot. It's kind of like the doctor's office--she doesn't like to go there, either. Yet she must go. Wish I knew how to make it something she values.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I disliked it, too--it's school, it's on a weekend, and I had no friends there. But. You gotta go; it's just Sunday mornings; and there are important lessons to be learned. It's sad that it's such a struggle every week. The teachers are young and nice and clueless. I wish my daughter (who is 10) could make a friend, but no. She did have a friend last year, but they changed synagogues. So it's a lonely trail. Somedays I don't want to go, either (there is adult learning while the kids are in class). Any guidance welcome.

perhaps you could try to treat her like a human with free will and reasoning and not brainwash her like a prisoner.

CPS should be called on you - not on the parents of 'free range' kids

You atheists would just love that, wouldn't you. Sadly for you, it probably won't happen in our lifetime.

Maybe in the daughter's lifetime, though and maybe thanks to her negative childhood experiences, she won't brainwash her own kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I disliked it, too--it's school, it's on a weekend, and I had no friends there. But. You gotta go; it's just Sunday mornings; and there are important lessons to be learned. It's sad that it's such a struggle every week. The teachers are young and nice and clueless. I wish my daughter (who is 10) could make a friend, but no. She did have a friend last year, but they changed synagogues. So it's a lonely trail. Somedays I don't want to go, either (there is adult learning while the kids are in class). Any guidance welcome.

perhaps you could try to treat her like a human with free will and reasoning and not brainwash her like a prisoner.

CPS should be called on you - not on the parents of 'free range' kids

You atheists would just love that, wouldn't you. Sadly for you, it probably won't happen in our lifetime.

OP, don't make her. She'll grow into an angry misguided atheist (with zero understanding of what atheism actually means), and hate everything religious for a very long time. Teach important lessons during the week, preferably by personal example. Let her have her Sundays. What you are doing sounds plain cruel.

I always thought that hating Hebrew school was a right of passage. DH had a different opinion- that if DS was unhappy, it was due to boredom and we should shop around. We are a secular family and DS is thriving at Chabad of all places! The classes are 2 hours vs 3 at our old synagogue and the lessons are authentic. He's learning Hebrew at a much faster rate and he finds the weekly Torah portions fascinating.

If she has to go because she is having a Bat Mitzvah, then this is purely pragmatic and she must understand that and it should be acknowledged by everyone. Don't try to make it into something it's not. Acknowledge the goal and keep it in sight.

My friends who took any kind of heritage language classes, whether it was Chinese school, Hebrew school, Argentinean school, etc didn't like it much. I think there were two reasons for that. One was that they thought that their other friends were out playing, while they were stuck in school. This is no longer true, as most kids in this area are hugely over scheduled.

The other is that the teaching was generally of poor quality. Teachers are often just people who speak the language who know the clergyman or school director. They don't necessarily have training in teaching. I have a friend who taught Hebrew school. He was a biologist and very impatient. He had no business teaching kids anything. My own experience in a mainstream Presbyterian Sunday School was that some teachers were great, others went off script to talk about Armageddon (which parents would have stopped, had they known), and a few had personality disorders. It seems to me that it would be statistically unlikely that every synagogue or church has a full complement of people who are both versed in the language or material and who are competent, trained teachers.

Temple Micah in DC teaches kids Hebrew via Skype. I've heard good things about their program.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I disliked it, too--it's school, it's on a weekend, and I had no friends there. But. You gotta go; it's just Sunday mornings; and there are important lessons to be learned. It's sad that it's such a struggle every week. The teachers are young and nice and clueless. I wish my daughter (who is 10) could make a friend, but no. She did have a friend last year, but they changed synagogues. So it's a lonely trail. Somedays I don't want to go, either (there is adult learning while the kids are in class). Any guidance welcome.

perhaps you could try to treat her like a human with free will and reasoning and not brainwash her like a prisoner.

CPS should be called on you - not on the parents of 'free range' kids

Has anyone ever told you that you are a complete and total moron? Just wondering if that is the case, or perhaps you're hearing it here first.