Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS: for the person who's judgy about playdates and "scheduling" bla bla bla.

Listen, there are some realities about people's lives that make scheduling playdates a really good idea.

1. Both parents work, commuting, before and after school programs, etc. Sometimes things have to be scheduled or they don't happen.

2. Young kids. They need to be taken to and from, therefore: a schedule. Older kids are less of an issue--they can get themselves to and from more easily and reliably.

3. Distance. Not everyone lives in a neighborhood densely populated with other kids, and even if they do, these kids are also often at before and after school care. Therefore, again: schedule or it won't happen.

The days of half-time working parents or SAH parents for the majority of elementary school aged kids are over. Nannies are expensive, so most kids go to daycare (even if "yours" don't). That is how things go for most people.

With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?

1. Activities may not be 6 days a week, then again they might--I didn't say either way. Any single person scheduling playdates or not is totally up to them. I could care less what other people do! I know our playdate time has dropped dramatically since I started working more-than-full-time again and my kids are in all-day programs.

2. Typically the regularly scheduled activities (e.g., before and after school care) don't include all the friend(s) the child wants to hang out with. Therefore, scheduling time for playing one on one will be necessary to get this to happen. Again, up to the parents if this is doable.

3. There are other benefits to scheduling playdates, including that the play time can be arranged to be convenient for you. Drop-by knocks on the door from neighbor kids might not be, which is not to say that knocks on the door are bad. I like them just fine. But sometimes the answer is, "Not right now. But maybe on Saturday morning? I'll call your mom/dad to set it up."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't your kids just go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. Why do you have to set up playdates? That seems very strange.

Not all neighborhoods are teeming with kids. Our block is full of old people, childless couples, are families with older kids.

+1

I think you're hanging out with the wrong people

Those who think it's "strange" to schedule playdates. Do you not plan ahead to schedule time to see your own friends? Do you only see them when you stumble upon them as you go about your day. Do you just go knock on their door and expect them to be able to have coffee at that moment? Modern life requires planning time to see the people who are important to you.

Not every kid lives on a street teeming with children and (as has been sadly demonstrated in the media lately) we can't send our kids out roaming to see if a friend happens to be available to play when they are free to play. So, if you want your younger kids to have a social life, then some "playdate" planning has to happen.

I'm enjoying that my kids are now in 4th and 6th grade with a small group of close friends. 10 yr old DD sees her two best friends most weekends. They are old enough to call and figure out the times, with parental input re: drop off/pick up and availability. 11 yr old DS is lucky to have two good friends on our block so they are in and out of each others houses all the time and he'll invite another friend over a couple times a month. But they got to that comfort level of planning time with friends because we took the initiative when they were younger to help them have a social life. Yes, some parents are rude and it can be a PITA, but it's an investment in your kids' social development and it's important.

I hear you OP, I have been the one initiating almost 100% of my dd's playdates. I really wish there were others out there initiating them. I got a bit tired of doing them, so this year, we have only had a couple. I feel bad about that, but luckily, our next door neighbor has two kids about the same age as mine, so almost every weekend, they get to play together in the backyards and come in the house sometimes too.

OP, I hate playdates. My kids are 6 and 10 now, so thankfully I don't have to deal with them as much. I rarely ever initiated them, but always reciprocated.

Anonymous wrote:PS: for the person who's judgy about playdates and "scheduling" bla bla bla.

Listen, there are some realities about people's lives that make scheduling playdates a really good idea.

1. Both parents work, commuting, before and after school programs, etc. Sometimes things have to be scheduled or they don't happen.

2. Young kids. They need to be taken to and from, therefore: a schedule. Older kids are less of an issue--they can get themselves to and from more easily and reliably.

3. Distance. Not everyone lives in a neighborhood densely populated with other kids, and even if they do, these kids are also often at before and after school care. Therefore, again: schedule or it won't happen.

The days of half-time working parents or SAH parents for the majority of elementary school aged kids are over. Nannies are expensive, so most kids go to daycare (even if "yours" don't). That is how things go for most people.

With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?

PS: for the person who's judgy about playdates and "scheduling" bla bla bla.

Listen, there are some realities about people's lives that make scheduling playdates a really good idea.

1. Both parents work, commuting, before and after school programs, etc. Sometimes things have to be scheduled or they don't happen.

2. Young kids. They need to be taken to and from, therefore: a schedule. Older kids are less of an issue--they can get themselves to and from more easily and reliably.

3. Distance. Not everyone lives in a neighborhood densely populated with other kids, and even if they do, these kids are also often at before and after school care. Therefore, again: schedule or it won't happen.

The days of half-time working parents or SAH parents for the majority of elementary school aged kids are over. Nannies are expensive, so most kids go to daycare (even if "yours" don't). That is how things go for most people.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't your kids just go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. Why do you have to set up playdates? That seems very strange.

Because I'm afraid some moron will see unaccompanied kids and freak out and call the police and my kids will be detained for hours while I frantically search for them.

The late pickup is what has annoyed me the most when I SPECIFICALLY indicate we have to leave the house by XXX oclock to be somewhere else.

Otherwise, none of those issues you've mentioned has been much of an issue with the playdates we host. I will say that since I've moved to working mum status, the number of playdates I've hosted has dropped drastically. As in, almost zero. Maybe once a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but my neighborhood is not conducive to just letting the kids out to play for a few reasons. The closest kids are a good 1/4 mile away in not good traffic considerations. We didn't let my oldest walk there until she was 8, and then we'd watch.

As for playdate drama, my now 10 year old doesn't have a ton of friends I think because I just didn't do playdates well. Sometimes, I'd set up the playdate and DH would be on pickup, but forget. Sometimes, I'd assume they'd be fed at the playdate, but they wouldn't. If a kid ever showed up at my house not having eaten, we'd feed them. It's easier when they get older, but when they are little and it's your first, it's hard.

One of my daughter's friends moms would set up a play date for her for what seemed like every waking hour. If we didn't respond to a request right away, she'd move on to the next kid. I swear this girl has a sleep over every weekend night and a playdate every afternoon. That wouldn't be me even if I had the time to spend planning my kids schedule.

Parents need to step the F back and let these kids be kids. This structuring playdates is total helicoptering. I would hate to be a kid that had to have planned friend dates.

You obviously don't have kids old enough for a play date. Judgey aren't you? You will see...

I have not had this happen on playdates, but it does sound like some rude-ass parents you're dealing with.

My kid's an only and I try to set up playdates (though I'd rather not) every couple weeks for her. Even then, I really only set them up with parents that I know will watch my kid and feed them (if necessary). Can't imagine having my kid be at someone's house for lunch and the parents not giving them a sandwich. That's just weird.

Then again, DD had a playdate this weekend and had lunch and still came home starving and demanding....so, seems like you can never win....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but my neighborhood is not conducive to just letting the kids out to play for a few reasons. The closest kids are a good 1/4 mile away in not good traffic considerations. We didn't let my oldest walk there until she was 8, and then we'd watch.

As for playdate drama, my now 10 year old doesn't have a ton of friends I think because I just didn't do playdates well. Sometimes, I'd set up the playdate and DH would be on pickup, but forget. Sometimes, I'd assume they'd be fed at the playdate, but they wouldn't. If a kid ever showed up at my house not having eaten, we'd feed them. It's easier when they get older, but when they are little and it's your first, it's hard.

One of my daughter's friends moms would set up a play date for her for what seemed like every waking hour. If we didn't respond to a request right away, she'd move on to the next kid. I swear this girl has a sleep over every weekend night and a playdate every afternoon. That wouldn't be me even if I had the time to spend planning my kids schedule.

Parents need to step the F back and let these kids be kids. This structuring playdates is total helicoptering. I would hate to be a kid that had to have planned friend dates.

You're an idiot. How do you expect play dates to happen for young children who live in the city?

This doesn't sound normal at all. Are the people doing this all the same or different families? If it's just one family, maybe they are just taking advantage of the playdates and not following normal "rules."

If it's multiple families, it seems really unusual and odd.

I would say that you should set up more expectations ahead of time, maybe even in writing if you need to -- like a text or email, in case they miss it in a conversation. If the person was late for pickup but apologized and clearly knew it was their mistake, then no biggie, but if they acted like nothing was wrong, that would be a problem. Did you make it clear to them that they were late by rushing out the door as soon as they arrived?

As for meals, I think that's really weird, but I wouldn't get too upset about it. 11-1 without lunch seems super odd, but who knows how it came about? Maybe the mom asked and the kids said they weren't hungry because they were playing. The kid who came over at 1:30 without food may have eaten but just have been hungry again already. It seems inconsiderate of the parents but probably nothing to be overly stressed about.

On the other hand, if this is all the same family acting this way, stop having playdates with them -- they seem incredibly rude.

This is why I plan to give my child a sibling close in age. Built in playdates. Then they'll go to preschool/school and can play with other kids.