Anonymous wrote:The fair solution is sibling gets their share of the profits once it sells plus principle paid for however many of the last years he/she paid the mortgage. What is left is divided among the rest of the siblings.

+1

Don't forget that you are a lot better off just having a younger person on-site. There is someone to be the first responder in emergencies, and to prevent bad things from happening. Someone to notice that the stove was left on, to make note of maintenance problems before they get bad, to help immediately in the event of a fall or illness... The far-away siblings may not even notice, but if you think about the problems that did NOT happen because of your sibling, it may be eye-opening.

You might want to check state law. In some states, if a child lives with an elderly parent for some years before death, that child inherits the house. It sounds like your sib, for whatever reason, feels it is his. You are in the unlucky position of asking for a share. You might consider how much it would be, and whether it is worth it to have unhappy feelings with the sib. Situations like this do not always end happily, unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:DH's parents died a few years ago. One of his siblings took up residence in the family home during the last years of their life and afterwords as a pseudo caregiver but also lived for free most of the time. After their death DH and the other kids let the sibling continue to live at the residence but they all remained equal owners on paper. The sibling just assumed the mortgage because they could afford it at the time. Fast forward and sibling can no longer afford it (neither can anyone else) and wants to sell and is trying to get the other beneficiaries to sign over the property and forfeit their share. Everyone has different priorities and financial situations. WWYD?

How long did the sibling live there after the last surviving spouse died? If the parents had wanted that sib to get the house it would have been specified in the will so follow that document and proceeds of house sale - divided by number of siblings. Had no other rent or mtg so why compensate? If the sib had not squatted then the place would have been sold. If the sib made significant home improvements like redoing a bath give them reimbursement.

I have a creepy sib who stripped all items of value from my mother's property and failed to get appraisals or include the stuff as probate assets. What would you all do about that?

Anonymous wrote:Wow, reading the OP and some of these comments, I can understand why people fall out with siblings over stuff like this. My parents were specific in their will to avoid this sort of thing. Folks trying to itemize and place value on every littel thing. Personally, I would credit sibling the amount that he paid towards the mortgage - because he did create quity by paying it every month. After he was reimbursed, we would divide it equally. I know you are an IL and according to DCUM, you should not even be involved. But I think it is NOT good for the relationship for folks to be nitpicking what the sibling did or did not do. If he lived with them (even if it was rent free), he was doing stuff day to day just because he was there. Don't belittle that.

+100. The sibling should be reimbursed from the proceeds for the amount of the mortgage payments. The arrangement for the sibling living with parents is off limits - it was between parents and that sibling, and that time is over.

Wow, reading the OP and some of these comments, I can understand why people fall out with siblings over stuff like this. My parents were specific in their will to avoid this sort of thing. Folks trying to itemize and place value on every littel thing. Personally, I would credit sibling the amount that he paid towards the mortgage - because he did create quity by paying it every month. After he was reimbursed, we would divide it equally. I know you are an IL and according to DCUM, you should not even be involved. But I think it is NOT good for the relationship for folks to be nitpicking what the sibling did or did not do. If he lived with them (even if it was rent free), he was doing stuff day to day just because he was there. Don't belittle that.

It was the parents' decision to let the sibling move in and live rent-free without doing much caregiving. It may be totally unfair, but it was the parents' choice to do that and it's inappropriate to claw it back after the fact. Just as if a parent gave someone a piece of furniture or jewelry-- it was the parent's to give and it's up to the parent.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH's parents were in their early 70's and did not really require much. They were still very much mobile and self sufficient (with jobs). One parent died before the other when sibling moved in. This is not a case of caring for an elderly parent. More of a roommate situation with added bonus of making sure surving parent was OK by themselves. Each sibling would probably net more than 40 but less than 100k each after expenses. Thanks for the advice.

I live with my parents for a couple years. My sibs would've said what you did. Reality is, I spent hours every week helping my parents out. I took care of the house, I did tons of things for my parents, etc. your sibling was probably doing more than you realize.

I meant to say if you think she is financially irresponsible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seens like everyone agreed to the sale. But why would the one sibling expect everyone ekse to give up their shares?

My sister is like this. She does volunteer stuff that interests her but hasn't had a proper paying job in years. She's living in our deceased parent's house and I truly think she expects me to give up my share. I pay half the property tax to keep the peace, but she lives there rent free. She's very smart, but not good with practical things, and doesn't seem willing to make any compromises in her life to take a job to make money. I'm a little scared to think what her situation will look like when she starts running out of money down the road.

What is your end game? Let her stay there until she or you die? Sell it when you need money for retirement or college expenses? What?

I don't have an "end game". I don't need the money, so I'm not going to force the sale. We'll just see what happens down the road.

If you think she is financially responsible, I would hold onto the title. That way she has a place to live but she can't sell it or borrow money off it without your permission.

Figure out what the sibling did for the parents. Be as specific as possible. E.g. drive and purchase groceries (with reimbursement or not?), cook food, clean up afterwards, drive parents to appointments, listen to what physician said, inform other siblings of the dx, mow or arrange to have lawn mowed, etc. Figure out whether an average person could do all this in an 8 hour day or would it have taken several people to do it.


Value care taking siblings efforts as per local standards and assign a wage per hour to that work. If that was some years ago, get he local rate and discount it for inflation. Inflation of late has been minimal but in years gone by it was about 3% per year. Multiply by the hours per week, or was it essentially 24*7?

Sell the house. How many months did the parents pay for the mortgage, property taxes, ho insurance, maintenance and repairs. How many months did the sibling do the same. Give the caregiving sibling the amount of money that his/her caregiving was worth to your parents, the value of the now sold house for the months the sibling paid the mortgage, property taxes, ho insurance, maintenance and repairs. Deduct from caregiving sibling's portion if s/he did not pay all of the above. Then divide the rest of the proceeds equally among all the siblings. This will mean the caregiving sibling gets more...but that more reflects his/her portion of the caregiving and the months s/he relieved your parents of financial responsibility and enabled them to stay in their home longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seens like everyone agreed to the sale. But why would the one sibling expect everyone ekse to give up their shares?

My sister is like this. She does volunteer stuff that interests her but hasn't had a proper paying job in years. She's living in our deceased parent's house and I truly think she expects me to give up my share. I pay half the property tax to keep the peace, but she lives there rent free. She's very smart, but not good with practical things, and doesn't seem willing to make any compromises in her life to take a job to make money. I'm a little scared to think what her situation will look like when she starts running out of money down the road.

What is your end game? Let her stay there until she or you die? Sell it when you need money for retirement or college expenses? What?

I don't have an "end game". I don't need the money, so I'm not going to force the sale. We'll just see what happens down the road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seens like everyone agreed to the sale. But why would the one sibling expect everyone ekse to give up their shares?

My sister is like this. She does volunteer stuff that interests her but hasn't had a proper paying job in years. She's living in our deceased parent's house and I truly think she expects me to give up my share. I pay half the property tax to keep the peace, but she lives there rent free. She's very smart, but not good with practical things, and doesn't seem willing to make any compromises in her life to take a job to make money. I'm a little scared to think what her situation will look like when she starts running out of money down the road.

What is your end game? Let her stay there until she or you die? Sell it when you need money for retirement or college expenses? What?

Anonymous wrote:seens like everyone agreed to the sale. But why would the one sibling expect everyone ekse to give up their shares?

My sister is like this. She does volunteer stuff that interests her but hasn't had a proper paying job in years. She's living in our deceased parent's house and I truly think she expects me to give up my share. I pay half the property tax to keep the peace, but she lives there rent free. She's very smart, but not good with practical things, and doesn't seem willing to make any compromises in her life to take a job to make money. I'm a little scared to think what her situation will look like when she starts running out of money down the road.

seens like everyone agreed to the sale. But why would the one sibling expect everyone ekse to give up their shares?