When I was younger, I was a really bastard in the way I treated women ........ and they came flocking to me. I was the hard driving, don't give a shit person who lacked sensitivity. But I knew how to have fun, was far from monogamous, and that seemed to appeal to women. I'd never have wanted my daughters to have a relationship with someone like myself.

As the years went by, I softened and with it my capacity to attract women certainly dwindled.

There is something about women - perhaps it has anthropological roots - that draws them to the alpha male who often don't treat them well. I see OP's comments in that context. They like empathy and sensitivity in their men until they get one who has it and then they tend to associate it with being effeminate.

Perhaps the reverse is also true in that men proclaim that they like independent, aggressive women but when push comes to shove they miss the more feminine aspect.

Anonymous wrote:I know there are women who would love to have such a sensitive man. It's too bad you're mismatched. There must be something he does that you feel is manly. Sign him up for martial arts or something.

I think most women will find this unappealing, actually. It's how we're wired. I was with a sensitive guy for 8 years. I broke up with him because there was no romance. We're still friends. He's like a great girlfriend.

Woman don't want to be married to another woman. We want to be married to a man. Sorry OP. You can't change this about him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being unfair.

You really shouldn't married a sweet, sensitive guy if you didn't want that. Now you're stuck with a perfectly nice man who you don't seem to want. And he's stuck with a woman who doesn't accept who he is and dislikes aspects of his personality that are central to who he is.

He's not going to be able to change. This is just who he is. And he really shouldn't have to change. There's nothing wrong with him.

I'm not sure what to suggest. If you don't have kids, maybe you should divorce before you start becoming contemptful of him.

Amen to the bolded.

As for the sexual side, OP, have you tried communicating explicitly what you would like to happen? Did you say it out loud, no hinting, plain words? For example: "It would turn me on if you would grab my wrists and hold me down while we're having sex. You don't need to be afraid to hurt me. It's something I crave. We'll have a safeword I'll use if it gets to be too much, so you'll know you need to stop/tone it down. It would mean a lot to me if we could try that." Did you tell him such things? What was his response?

He cried.

Is this the Boehner family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being unfair.

You really shouldn't married a sweet, sensitive guy if you didn't want that. Now you're stuck with a perfectly nice man who you don't seem to want. And he's stuck with a woman who doesn't accept who he is and dislikes aspects of his personality that are central to who he is.

He's not going to be able to change. This is just who he is. And he really shouldn't have to change. There's nothing wrong with him.

I'm not sure what to suggest. If you don't have kids, maybe you should divorce before you start becoming contemptful of him.

Amen to the bolded.

As for the sexual side, OP, have you tried communicating explicitly what you would like to happen? Did you say it out loud, no hinting, plain words? For example: "It would turn me on if you would grab my wrists and hold me down while we're having sex. You don't need to be afraid to hurt me. It's something I crave. We'll have a safeword I'll use if it gets to be too much, so you'll know you need to stop/tone it down. It would mean a lot to me if we could try that." Did you tell him such things? What was his response?

He cried.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being unfair.

You really shouldn't married a sweet, sensitive guy if you didn't want that. Now you're stuck with a perfectly nice man who you don't seem to want. And he's stuck with a woman who doesn't accept who he is and dislikes aspects of his personality that are central to who he is.

He's not going to be able to change. This is just who he is. And he really shouldn't have to change. There's nothing wrong with him.

I'm not sure what to suggest. If you don't have kids, maybe you should divorce before you start becoming contemptful of him.

Amen to the bolded.

As for the sexual side, OP, have you tried communicating explicitly what you would like to happen? Did you say it out loud, no hinting, plain words? For example: "It would turn me on if you would grab my wrists and hold me down while we're having sex. You don't need to be afraid to hurt me. It's something I crave. We'll have a safeword I'll use if it gets to be too much, so you'll know you need to stop/tone it down. It would mean a lot to me if we could try that." Did you tell him such things? What was his response?

Anonymous wrote:There is no pleasing the DC women.

It's evolution. Wimpy men are not sexy. Don't be so dense.

I have a sensitive, tender DH too OP. He feels things intensely. He is much more inclined to not want to confront contractors, people who do shoddy work...I am much more of a bitch and a thousand times more forthright with my complaints. I am a lawyer and not easily deterred from speaking out.

Accept your DH for who he is. Be his compliment and his help-mate. Treasure what a good father his is and recognize how good we have it with that side of our DHs. And stop judging his masculinity. That is really fundamentally unfair, OP. A man who has developed his emotional "muscles" has simply developed another piece of himself.

I see a lot of bitches with nice tender men. It's like they have a spell on them or something! I guess they need that masculine think like a man energy.

I hear ya OP.

I like my men more masculine per say.

I feel you should have known about his tenderness a little prior to tying the knot.

Not judging or anything, but I find it hard to think you didn't see even a little bit of this before you said, "I do."

Now you cannot do anything for him. He is right, he is who he is and cannot change into someone he is not.

Your only options are to stay with him and learn to adjust to him or you can always leave though this would seem like a weird way to break up the family over.

Yes - I need to learn to be more grateful for what I have ...

I know there are women who would love to have such a sensitive man. It's too bad you're mismatched. There must be something he does that you feel is manly. Sign him up for martial arts or something.

OP here. I know I'm an ass. But I just can't help it. By masculine energy and aggression I just mean things that are most typically associated with a man. What can I say? He's awesome but I'm less and less sexually attracted to him bc of traits that seem feminine to me. We already have a child. He is former military, tall, looks very masculine and fit. But he is the first to be taken advantage of by people, no street smarts, and not aggressive sexually. There's nothing "wrong" with him but I don't feel the right passion. I guess I'm a colossal bitch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he cry after sex?

He probably would if he knew what he wife his thinks of him.

coffee, straight outta the nose

There is no pleasing the DC women.