If it's something you really want to do, then I'd say to do it. Don't just think about right now and your life in the coming year. What do you want to be doing in 5 years?

Your child is 4 years old now and will going to kindergarten next year, I assume (or the year after, but soon). That will change things -- perhaps you'll be comfortable with more time at work if he's doing activities after school, etc. What do you want to be doing when he's 10? 15? If this career is an opportunity to get to where you ultimately want to be going, then it might be worth it. It sounds like something you want to do.

Are you 100% sure there won't be flexibility? Perhaps once you get into it, there may be a telework option, or maybe you could vary your hours to go in earlier so you can leave earlier or something (like 7-4 or something). I wouldn't plan on this, but recognize that there may be increasing flexibility as you get into the position and find out what it really requires and prove yourself as effective.

Are you ready for more stress in your life right now, or are you happy to chill out for a while? If you want a little "break," then hang back and stay where you are. If you're ready for a challenge, then go for it! Do you think you'll have a shot at something like this promotion in the future? If so and you aren't ready now, then wait.

FWIW -- not that I think this is what will happen for you, but a partial warning -- my DH was in a situation where he could have taken a job like this when our DC was very young (like 10 months). We were a wreck because DC wasn't sleeping, and we couldn't imagine adding stress to our lives at the time. DH wanted the job but was frustrated with the politics it would have involved and also felt it was best to avoid stress at that point in his life. I think he made a good decision and is happier overall as a result, but unfortunately, he has not had another opportunity to move to a similar position since, despite several attempts (it's been just over 2 years since that time). He's pretty unhappy in his current position and feels like he's just biding his time. He worries that he won't ever get an "interesting" job and regrets turning it down -- now that our child is older and we all can sleep and feel less stressed on the day-to-day stuff.

I personally think it would have been really hard on our family for him to have taken that job, but I can also understand his frustration now that he isn't so exhausted and stressed and wishes he had a better job. (I didn't push him one way or the other -- it was all his choice.) I'm sure he will get something in the coming years, but I think he may have missed a good opportunity. Even if things are tricky with you right now, consider how you'll feel if you don't take the job 2 years from now. Does that look good to you, or frustrating?

It's tempting to take the new job because you're wondering "Will this be my only chance ever to kickstart my career again?!" But once you put the pedal back to the metal, there's no stopping again. I would cruise a little bit longer and see if another opportunity comes along in a few years when your son is well into elementary school and you get a feel for how much of your time is needed for afterschool/sports/PTA/etc. There will be more opportunities. And if there aren't, well, you'll be stuck at a job that you love.

Based on what you've said you value, OP, I wouldn't take--especially not since the salary will even out soon, from what you've said. As a PP correctly noted, those big time jobs come with real changes in stress level and responsibility. Because if your hours will be 9 - 6, how much evening time would you have with your child (as opposed to ending now at 4)? He'll be getting to the age when he'll start to have homework soon, and while of course it doesn't need to be you helping him, you may want to. The loss of flexibility and chance for longer/weekend hours at times are also non-starters if you value flexibility.

I've been in your shoes, sort of: I turned down an academic position at an Ivy League university shortly after I had my second child. This was a job I hadn't interviewed for, a work collaborator basically offered it to me. A year plus later, I just took a GS job with better pay and benefits, and great work-life balance. I don't regret my decision for an instant.

Do what YOU want to do. When you look back on your life, what choices do you want to have made? What do you want to have prioritized?

OP, I'm not a lawyer but in a similar position to you (took 4 years off to SAHM, returned to the workforce at a low-key interesting, reasonably well-paid job when my kid was 3, etc.). If you value your time with your kid and your flexibility and think you have it really good right now, I would not take the promotion.

It sounds like the promotion is something that might suit you in 5-10 years, but that you are smart and playing the long game - I think you can deliver that message to the folks pushing you to take it, and just let them know that the timing isn't right for you. It would take A LOT to make me go back to the harried days. A lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll thread, people.

Says one of the WOHMs who can't stand it when SAHMs actually do return to well-paying jobs.

It happens, people.

NP. I won't call troll exactly, but this is not how state government works. She posted a lot of guarantees promised to her, for someone making under 6 figures currently. Not sure if she is a troll but there is some exaggeration.

Ah, I should have noted that mg DH got transfered to another state when I took my 5 yr leave. So its a west coast state with a LOT of enployee protections once you become a tenured state employee (which you get at 1yr).

I know no one in my state reads this board, so I am safe to reveal my doubts here.

Anonymous wrote:wait, you took 5 full years off, you have a 4 year old, and you've been back at work long enough to be in a cushy job, with now the chance for a promotion?

did you take time off before having your child? math doesn't add up here.

OP here. Not a troll. I took my entire pregnancy off too -- Work was too stressful to continue. I think I would have miscarried if I had worked through my pregnancy. My 5 years off were awesome. And to answer a prior poster, I did not do anything professionally during my time off. I literally went inactive the bar and toyed around with a million other career options for a while (blog? Photography? Sewing?). None clicked for me and when my kid started preschool at 3years old (I had been out of the workforce 4yrs by then), I started looking for jobs. It took me approx a full year of applying for jobs to get this one. It was stressful, but I landed at a pretty amazing gig. A co-worker that started with me went to law school a yeat behind me and had taken 1yr off work. So we were very grateful to land the gig.

And, yes, the rights of return are used. But they are looked as a "demotion" of sorts if you take it because it looks like you did not hack it in your prior position. It's embarrassing and people do talk. But you get over it. And yes, they will bump somone to make room for you if you elect to return. Most gov departments will just create a new position to get you. This is not DC - it's another state, I should note. There are very explicit laws that govern employment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll thread, people.

Says one of the WOHMs who can't stand it when SAHMs actually do return to well-paying jobs.

It happens, people.

NP. I won't call troll exactly, but this is not how state government works. She posted a lot of guarantees promised to her, for someone making under 6 figures currently. Not sure if she is a troll but there is some exaggeration.

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll thread, people.

Says one of the WOHMs who can't stand it when SAHMs actually do return to well-paying jobs.

It happens, people.

This is a troll thread, people.

wait, you took 5 full years off, you have a 4 year old, and you've been back at work long enough to be in a cushy job, with now the chance for a promotion?

did you take time off before having your child? math doesn't add up here.

18:32 here. And I'm not sure I understand this "right of return" thing. Does that mean that they are going to hold your other position open and not fill it? Do you know anyone where you work who ever actually took advantage of that option, because it doesn't sound realistic?

OP, do you mind if I ask how you landed the cushy state job?

And for what it's worth, I don't consider what you are making now lowish pay (especially for the hours you work and the ability to telework one day a week).

I seriously don't think people realize how good they have it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think I'd try the promotion because of this "Will have rights of return to old position if this does not work out." - if you can go back to the old position with zero issue, then why not make the choice that leaves both doors open? Also, just one thought - could you adjust the hours from 9-6 to 7:30 to 4:30? It's a pretty common govie schedule and would allow an early departure and arrival home

11:51 here. There are many valid reasons not to try the new position, even given the wonderful safety net of the old job. That level of responsibility is a game changer on your time and stress level. And it also harder to go back pride-wise and reputation wise than just saying no at the outset. It is certainly possible to try, but I don't think in OP's case it would be in her best interests. I think people (esp in DC) have a really hard time of not advancing at every chance they get, even if they are content (and perhaps moreso) in their current position. I get pressured to supervise or go SES all the time. I am truly flattered that people value my work, but I love being non supervisory and able to telework and take sick days almost whenever I need to. I also have a Masters from an Ivy, and am used to being surrounded by people striving for bigger titles. For my own life, I love having flexibility and a substantive position, while still making good money. I think we Americans often have a hard time realizing a good thing, and associate lack of ambition with poor work ethic to a fault. It is so unhealthy.

+1000

+1001

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband said he'd support you, I think secretly he wants you to take the job.

fair trade off considering he handled the load for 5 years

OP here. The salary is basically a wash since Im eligible for promotion in my current position and will soon earn 100k (raises are guaranteed yearly, per my contract). The promotion would be much worse on him since I will not earn much more than I do now, but he will have to pick up a ton of slack at home since I will no longer get off at 4pm and do pick-up and start dinner each day. He's actually a really good guy and wants me to be happy (he also earns a ton and was happy when I dropped out of the workforce entirely). I am happiest as a working mom -- it's just figuring out where I fit in.

Thank you PP for you advice. I think you are correct. I love my current position. Various mentors are pushing me into this new promotion -- it would disappoint all the people who advocated for me to get it (I never asked for it). So there is an element of pressure to take it since it would be huge. But I agree 6pm exit sounds awful now that I am used to leaving at 4pm and teleworking whenever I want.

Thank you, DCUM.

OP, I don't mean to threadjack, but you are kind of my hero. I, too, graduated from a top law school. I have 5 years of big law experience, plus two clerkships (district and coa). I am really considering taking time off to raise my children, but I am terrified that I will be shut out for good or relegated to very low paying jobs. To what degree did connections play a role in your ability to return to such a cushy government job? Is there anything you did (committees, bar association, write articles etc) while a stay at home mom that you believe made your return to legal practice at a high level more feasible?

FWIW, I would say not to take the promotion unless you plan to stay in the job. People tend to look at you less positively when you take a step down and responsibility, even if you are returning to a previous position. So, while you could presumably return to your old job, the esteem in which you are held might be diminished. Better to stay put and not mess up a good thing, especially if you are not particularly chomping at the bit for this new position.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think I'd try the promotion because of this "Will have rights of return to old position if this does not work out." - if you can go back to the old position with zero issue, then why not make the choice that leaves both doors open? Also, just one thought - could you adjust the hours from 9-6 to 7:30 to 4:30? It's a pretty common govie schedule and would allow an early departure and arrival home

11:51 here. There are many valid reasons not to try the new position, even given the wonderful safety net of the old job. That level of responsibility is a game changer on your time and stress level. And it also harder to go back pride-wise and reputation wise than just saying no at the outset. It is certainly possible to try, but I don't think in OP's case it would be in her best interests. I think people (esp in DC) have a really hard time of not advancing at every chance they get, even if they are content (and perhaps moreso) in their current position. I get pressured to supervise or go SES all the time. I am truly flattered that people value my work, but I love being non supervisory and able to telework and take sick days almost whenever I need to. I also have a Masters from an Ivy, and am used to being surrounded by people striving for bigger titles. For my own life, I love having flexibility and a substantive position, while still making good money. I think we Americans often have a hard time realizing a good thing, and associate lack of ambition with poor work ethic to a fault. It is so unhealthy.

+1000