So...you aren't permanent residents. If he quits his job, visas expire, you return home. US divorce laws don't matter.

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.Thank you all for your input. I'm just si overwhelmed. I am a SAHM again. We both decided that the tween and teen years should have parent cover. Also we are older parents so I am now 48 and I've cut ties with the company that kept my job open through both my long maternity leaves because I didnt think I would ever go back.

I am on my husband's visa and a divorce/separation would require me to leave the country in 120 days. All 3 kids are in very good hard to get into schools and I don't think it's fair on them to uproot them from all that's familiar and from their father whom they love. A Frightful mess. I really can not believe this is my life.

Consult a divorce lawyer immediately. S/he will know an immigration lawyer you can speak with. Perhaps I'm naive but you have been in the US for years and have contributed to society. Your innocent children have roots here. There should be an option beyond your asshole husband's visa.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that to many I am below contempt for staying. However, would you mind very much saving the shaming? Your contempt couldn't possibly make me feel any more wretched than I already feel. I was just looking for legal insight.
My husband is becoming verbally abusive, screaming at me in my face. He hasnt touched me but he's broken house hold items, doors etc, all in front of the kids.

If all you wanted was legal advise about your name being on the deed why then did you provide all of us with the details about the affairs? I don't see how the extra information was applicable. I doubt anyone would add in those details and not EXPECT for people to comment on it. You also just add in here that he is being verbally abusive and breaking things in front of your kids. What does that have to do w/ the legal aspect of the deed? Again, why tell us those details and then be upset that people are commenting on it.

From a place of love, I do think you need to leave this guy, or at least insist that he does anger management and therapy before you even consider staying! You can't let your kids grow up like this. If you do decide to leave it appears your husband makes a decent living and you clearly have the potential to make a good income as well (250+). I would not even consider the first house as an issue, you will have plenty of money to make it. You may not have a fancy life style, but at least you and your kids wont be subjected to this environment. GL to you!

I think both houses are marital property no matter where the origina $$ came from. At least that's the way I had to treat it in my divorce.

Anonymous wrote:I am sure you have learned a very good albeit hard lesson here.

Do not buy a second house with someone unless you think you will be with him forever. Also, make sure you can see all paperwork and make sure your name is where it should be.

In my opinion....It doesn't matter that he paid most of the mortgage for the home(s).

As a married couple, you are both a unit. What is his is yours and vice versa.

I live in CA where everything is properly split down the middle, so sorry I am not sure how the law is where you live.

However like I said, you were the one who took time off from working to care for the kids. So you also contributed to the family just like he did.

He has no right to make you feel as if he did more.

Nonsense.

Emotional advice that means nothing.

You need to consult a lawyer or someone who is really informed about the law to know what your rights are with regard to marital property including the first house you own.

I am sure you have learned a very good albeit hard lesson here.

Do not buy a second house with someone unless you think you will be with him forever. Also, make sure you can see all paperwork and make sure your name is where it should be.

In my opinion....It doesn't matter that he paid most of the mortgage for the home(s).

As a married couple, you are both a unit. What is his is yours and vice versa.

I live in CA where everything is properly split down the middle, so sorry I am not sure how the law is where you live.

However like I said, you were the one who took time off from working to care for the kids. So you also contributed to the family just like he did.

He has no right to make you feel as if he did more.

Nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.Thank you all for your input. I'm just si overwhelmed. I am a SAHM again. We both decided that the tween and teen years should have parent cover. Also we are older parents so I am now 48 and I've cut ties with the company that kept my job open through both my long maternity leaves because I didnt think I would ever go back.

I am on my husband's visa and a divorce/separation would require me to leave the country in 120 days. All 3 kids are in very good hard to get into schools and I don't think it's fair on them to uproot them from all that's familiar and from their father whom they love. A Frightful mess. I really can not believe this is my life.

OP,

A big virtual hug to you! I am also on my husband's visa and the one time I seriously considered divorcing my husband this factored heavily into the equation. The sad reality is that non-citizens cannot get the same protections as citizens, and this hurts dependents in abusive relationships, private and professional (I've known many foreign grad students forced to work like slaves because their visa status was held over their heads).

The problem right now is not the deed to this house. The real problem is to find a job again, any job, that gives you your own work visa. I know how hard it is to get a job! Call in all favors, pull all the strings you can. Then you don't have to leave the country if you get divorced.

Best of luck to you. I hope not to be in your shoes. I've come so close in the past!

OP HERE.Thank you all for your input. I'm just si overwhelmed. I am a SAHM again. We both decided that the tween and teen years should have parent cover. Also we are older parents so I am now 48 and I've cut ties with the company that kept my job open through both my long maternity leaves because I didnt think I would ever go back.

I am on my husband's visa and a divorce/separation would require me to leave the country in 120 days. All 3 kids are in very good hard to get into schools and I don't think it's fair on them to uproot them from all that's familiar and from their father whom they love. A Frightful mess. I really can not believe this is my life.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that to many I am below contempt for staying. However, would you mind very much saving the shaming? Your contempt couldn't possibly make me feel any more wretched than I already feel. I was just looking for legal insight.
My husband is becoming verbally abusive, screaming at me in my face. He hasnt touched me but he's broken house hold items, doors etc, all in front of the kids.

And yet you're still there. Ask your attorney about the deed. Surely you have one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course your name wasn't on the deed, unless you signed for it at closing.

No, you can't force him to do it. The divorce judge can sort it out though.

I'd just had a baby, was very very sleep deprived and it just never occurred to me until we were in a conversation about something else. I know, ditzy but we moved here from another country where you can be on the title deed without signing. I trusted him completely.
So are you saying that, in the event of a divorce, our first house will be deemed communal property.

Your job to learn the laws of this country. So you're 13 years into a marriage with multiple affairs and you're surprised that he screwed you over on the title?

And I can't find my glass s

Eek, sorry for th bad typos, darn iPad.

Recently divorced mom here. My ex got nothing of the house. Reason, umi was able to show that the entire multiple hundred thousands of dollars that went into the down payment was from my sole separate property that I onwedorior to marriage. I sold my toe home and used all of the proceeds to buy the marital home. 10years later we divorced and the property was worth less than what we paid for it. So, after the sale of the home, I had less than the down payment. I got it all, bc that is the example of an exception in VA law, called a hybrid something. He could have tried to get something, but it would have cost him too much in lawyers fees. I had been acculumaltig that equity from several property sales and it was mixed in with inheritance. I also paid off all his student loans and car loan with the sale of that town house.

So, a lawyer will need to examine things. You may be able to get half of the appreciation, but if he put w significant down payment, he may, as did I, have the right to take that money off the table.

Don't just document. Call the police. I know people who didn't report the stuff and they couldn't use their documentation in court. It has to be on a police report.

^^ Sorry, I meant to say that inherited money is not considered a joint asset unless it is commingled into other finances.