Anonymous wrote:We live very close to my parents and see them very frequently. We live on the other side of the country as my in-laws and, of course, see them much less frequently. But seeing them takes all our vacation time: we go out to see them in December, for spring break, and over the summer (for a week at a time). They come to see us two or three times a year, for a long weekend each time. The kids love seeing their grandparents and I feel some responsibility to making sure that they get time with their grandchildren, since we moved to DC for my family. But I'm becoming increasingly resentful that all of our vacation time is being spent going to see them.

What's reasonable here?

(This post brought to you tonight because we're visiting them now, DH just went out for the second night in a row to see friends, and I'm home cooking for the kids and trying to keep them from snacking on the cookies that FIL is eating, 30 minutes before dinner).

Regardless of how close you live to your family, it is not reasonable to expect you to use ALL of you vacation time to visit his family.

My husband isn't American, so every summer we take 3 weeks to go visit his family overseas. That uses up all vacation time and any money we have saved up. So no other vacations. What we've done is "mini-vacations" within the larger vacation. So within the 3 weeks, we'll go off on our own for 2-3 days and see another part of the country. What if you saw your in-laws for only 5 days, and then spent the last 3 days of your trip visiting an interesting spot somewhere near where they live or within a short drive? Or you can get an extended layover when flying back home. So stop in Chicago on the flight home and visit the city for a few days. Won't cost extra money in terms of flight, just a few night for a hotel. It'll give you something to look forward to... a treat for surviving the week!

I do a fair amount of vacationing with in laws - in fact I'm doing it right now. I don't mind a week or so a year, but I would hate your situation. Thing is, I didn't enter into a compromise like you did - live near my parents and we'll visit yours. So, I think we all need to know what the agreement was with your husband before we can say it's unreasonable.

One other thing. If you like to travel and take your kids new places, maybe as your kids get older, you will be able to convince your husband to go different places so that you can give your kids other experiences.

Finally, I don't think your example of your FIL leaving while your child was reading to him makes him an ass. Seriously, some people are just not big kid people and don't want to spend that kind of time with your kids. I would have left when my own were reading to ma if I could have - I found that to be one of the most awful times. I would never listen to my nieces or nephews read me a book if I could figure a way out of it and I love kids.

My family and DH's live across the pond and we haven't seen any of them in TWO YEARS.
It may be slightly more of a hassle to cross the Atlantic than to cross the USA, but still - that level of investment in time for visiting ILs is NOT for me
And I like my ILs!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for the sympathy. We can't stay for only a long weekend because it takes my youngest 3 days to get over jet lag (i.e. not wake up at 4:30 in the morning). I'd love to send them by themselves. How old do you think kids need to be to fly cross country by themselves?

Maybe my real problem is that my FIL is an ass. My MIL (who is wonderful) had to work tonight, so I was putting the kids to bed by myself. My older child, who has just learned to read, asked to read to FIL while I read to the younger child. After a few minutes of her reading, he got bored and wandered out of her room.

.

I think you're putting the blame on the wrong person. Your husband went out twice without you. Your MIL chose work over grandkids visiting. At least your FIL is home with the kids.

The question isn't how many trips you take, but what you should put up with while you're there.

Send DH with the kids next time. You stay home and enjoy yourself, or go somewhere in your own.

I suspect DH will no longer want to spend all the family's vacation time visiting his family.