$0. It's a stupid waste of money for a generally tacky piece of jewelry. Especially if you have a kid, OP. If your relationship really means anything (and christ, after having a kid with this guy you still think you need a superficial bauble?) then skip it.

I mean, do you honestly need a ring? It is possible to get engaged without one. I'd put the money in savings or use it for your family instead. FWIW, I've been married for 6 years, and have never missed not having an engagement ring. It just seems a little sexist and antiquated to me.

If my BF spent 3 months of salary on a ring I would not marry him cause that would mean he is a moron. Take that money and go on a nice memorable trip. A ring is just a ring... I like the birth stone & etsy ideas from PPs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a child, don't go into debt over a piece of jewelry.

Listen to this!

+1000. It's only jewelry.

DH and I had not mingled our finances when he proposed, so I don't know. I know I made sure he knew that I'm not big into wearing jewelry so probably wouldn't wear the ring all the time. He was earning six figures on his own, and I'm positive he paid for it all at once.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only buy what you can afford to pay in cash. Don't finance a ring.

This!

I got a traditional diamond ring, but there are some absolutely gorgeous and way more affordable (read: realistically priced because the market isn't being manipulated to control the supply) alternatives. I very, very strongly considered a rose gold ring with a peach sapphire. There are really gorgeous ones on etsy, particularly those done by the seller EidelPrecious (https://www.etsy.com/shop/EidelPrecious) that I lusted after.

OP here. PP, these are gorgeous!! Thanks for that idea!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Borrowed from 401k; and repaying without interest. Really helpful option when not wanting to do traditional payment plan through a jeweler or put it on a credit card. Had the savings but wanted to keep that nest egg. Ring was $20K.

Ok, op, do NOT borrow from a 401k to buy a 20,000 dollar ring!

OP here. Lol yeah I don't even want a $20,000 ring. That's a car!! But to each his own. I'm sure it's gorgeous!

Whatever he has cash for. We spent 20k, but we had the cash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a child, don't go into debt over a piece of jewelry.

Listen to this!

Yes yes, OP here. This is everything. Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:The ring might feel special or the thing to do now, but gets old soon, and I'd skip it altogether or get a fake one. The rings are so yesterday, only the sellers are still pushing them.
Open a 529 for you kid and call that your engagement (ring/present).

I like the idea of taking the money and doing something symbolic with it (opening a 529, for example). Or make a contribution to a joint retirement fund, or early mortgage payment, or down payment savings account, or honey moon fund, etc. But then, I'm not a ring wearer and our engagement ring cost only $150 -- it is my birthstone (no diamonds). If you like to wear rings, and look forward to wearing your engagement ring every day, spend enough to get something you like but no more than you have in your checking/savings account and would spend on a vacation.

Anonymous wrote:Only buy what you can afford to pay in cash. Don't finance a ring.

This!

I got a traditional diamond ring, but there are some absolutely gorgeous and way more affordable (read: realistically priced because the market isn't being manipulated to control the supply) alternatives. I very, very strongly considered a rose gold ring with a peach sapphire. There are really gorgeous ones on etsy, particularly those done by the seller EidelPrecious (https://www.etsy.com/shop/EidelPrecious) that I lusted after.

Only buy what you can afford to pay in cash. Don't finance a ring.

The ring might feel special or the thing to do now, but gets old soon, and I'd skip it altogether or get a fake one. The rings are so yesterday, only the sellers are still pushing them.
Open a 529 for you kid and call that your engagement (ring/present).

Anonymous wrote:Borrowed from 401k; and repaying without interest. Really helpful option when not wanting to do traditional payment plan through a jeweler or put it on a credit card. Had the savings but wanted to keep that nest egg. Ring was $20K.

Ok, op, do NOT borrow from a 401k to buy a 20,000 dollar ring!

There's no rule. There's marketing by the diamond industry.