Anonymous wrote:Married my AP 14 years ago. I was married, he was not. Not great first marriage (clearly), but XH and I get along better now than when we were married. Two kids by XH, incredibly well-adjusted, productive members of society, two more kids with 2nd husband.
XH and I have always made a very concentrated effort to put our kids first, we are able to sit together at sporting events, graduations, etc---people are surprised to learn that we are divorced. He comes to my extended family functions, I went to the funeral of his father.

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Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Thanks, this makes sense. AP has a child, we do not have kids and I am seriously wondering why we would considering what is happening right now. Problem is that on both sides the marriages look great on paper and inlaws are wonderful but both AP and I are not being fulfilled sexually or emotionally. We both are coming to the conclusion that we are meant to be together but it's going to be extremely painful and embarrassing (not to mention costly) to bust up what we have. So for now it's just mind blowing sex and companionship with each other a few times per month.

I also have a very similar situation and was wondering how you get away those few times a month? Do you use work as a reason, etc? I am just curious, because I feel like my chances to get away and see my AP are very limited. Thanks for sharing!

Won't comment on this... Sorry my cover would be blown. Hope you understand.

Ok then...let's guess.

-Says she's volunteering.
-Says she's helping her parents or elderly relative or sick friend.
-Says she's at book club or the gym.
-Says she's doing a girls night out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.

That is one reason why i am afraid of disturbing the current arrangement... I do not want to be married to my DW and I want to spend the rest of my life my AP... But we don't want to destroy our spouses and 7 kids. How would you feel if you saw your spouse hold someone like they are truly in love with that person? And you never have shared that level of closeness with your spouse.

If there was an easy way... We would do it now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Thanks, this makes sense. AP has a child, we do not have kids and I am seriously wondering why we would considering what is happening right now. Problem is that on both sides the marriages look great on paper and inlaws are wonderful but both AP and I are not being fulfilled sexually or emotionally. We both are coming to the conclusion that we are meant to be together but it's going to be extremely painful and embarrassing (not to mention costly) to bust up what we have. So for now it's just mind blowing sex and companionship with each other a few times per month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.

That is one reason why i am afraid of disturbing the current arrangement... I do not want to be married to my DW and I want to spend the rest of my life my AP... But we don't want to destroy our spouses and 7 kids. How would you feel if you saw your spouse hold someone like they are truly in love with that person? And you never have shared that level of closeness with your spouse.

If there was an easy way... We would do it now.

Hmmm - guessing one of you had 3 kids and one had 4 kids with spouses you never showed that level of closeness with. So maybe you guys aren't the best judge of what it takes to be in a committed relationship.

I have suffered over 20 years in a committed relationship before I got involved with my AP. And my AP was involved in a "commited" relationship for over 15 years. What is your definition of a commited relationship?

It's not playing victim for one. If you made such poor choices before, and the AP did the same, all that tells me is that two people with really bad judgement found each other. Sucks that you wasted 20 years of your life but sounds like that is a recipe for desperation, and desperation leads to bad choices.

Anonymous wrote:I know success stories in that the new couple is better suited - but at the expense of devastating their kids and spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.

That is one reason why i am afraid of disturbing the current arrangement... I do not want to be married to my DW and I want to spend the rest of my life my AP... But we don't want to destroy our spouses and 7 kids. How would you feel if you saw your spouse hold someone like they are truly in love with that person? And you never have shared that level of closeness with your spouse.

If there was an easy way... We would do it now.

Hmmm - guessing one of you had 3 kids and one had 4 kids with spouses you never showed that level of closeness with. So maybe you guys aren't the best judge of what it takes to be in a committed relationship.

I have suffered over 20 years in a committed relationship before I got involved with my AP. And my AP was involved in a "commited" relationship for over 15 years. What is your definition of a commited relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Thanks, this makes sense. AP has a child, we do not have kids and I am seriously wondering why we would considering what is happening right now. Problem is that on both sides the marriages look great on paper and inlaws are wonderful but both AP and I are not being fulfilled sexually or emotionally. We both are coming to the conclusion that we are meant to be together but it's going to be extremely painful and embarrassing (not to mention costly) to bust up what we have. So for now it's just mind blowing sex and companionship with each other a few times per month.

I also have a very similar situation and was wondering how you get away those few times a month? Do you use work as a reason, etc? I am just curious, because I feel like my chances to get away and see my AP are very limited. Thanks for sharing!

Won't comment on this... Sorry my cover would be blown. Hope you understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Thanks, this makes sense. AP has a child, we do not have kids and I am seriously wondering why we would considering what is happening right now. Problem is that on both sides the marriages look great on paper and inlaws are wonderful but both AP and I are not being fulfilled sexually or emotionally. We both are coming to the conclusion that we are meant to be together but it's going to be extremely painful and embarrassing (not to mention costly) to bust up what we have. So for now it's just mind blowing sex and companionship with each other a few times per month.

I also have a very similar situation and was wondering how you get away those few times a month? Do you use work as a reason, etc? I am just curious, because I feel like my chances to get away and see my AP are very limited. Thanks for sharing!