Anonymous wrote:I've done that commute in the NY area. It was 1hr 45min door-to-door. My second day on the job was a horrific rainstorm and it took me 3hrs to get home. It's soul-sucking. I was single, no kids (lived with my aging dad at the time) and it just about killed me. I couldn't imagine doing it with a family. I did it for a few months and that was enough. Use the money to live in the city and buy the help you need. See the in-laws at Sunday supper.

Thank you for sharing your experience. The train I would be taking tends to have massive delays (what train doesn't) for weather, repairs, whatever. I could easily end up stuck for three hours like you some days. Yikes.

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what general area is the in-laws house? Is the commute by train, bus, driving? Something to think about is that the trains and buses run on express schedules in certain windows of time. If you work late you could be stuck on a local which would extend your commute time. And if you plan to drive in, well, that is its own special hell.

The commute is by train (1 hr 20 mins on a good day) AND driving (20 mins on a good day) because my in laws don't live near the train station. We would have to park a car at the train station for my husband to use (he would be commuting into the city too) and then he would either come pick me up when I get home or I would take a taxi. Yea, this is sounding crazy.

Anonymous wrote:your DH is on the same schedule?

in the city, would you need help 7-7? working markets or what sort of hours? 9-9? I think if you are close to work you can get your kiddo on a schedule where you get to see her some you'll just need to think it though.

I don't see how it'd be 70K more though... Rent + overtime or a second nanny is going to be higher than that unless you find an apt where you can have a live-in who also makes overtime.

But still, I'd pick the city even if it were 100K more than Westchester or wherever. You'll be happier and therefore more productive at work.

I would probably need help 9-7 on nights that DH isn't at a client meeting and 9-9 on nights when he is at a client meeting. I have to rise early with the markets, but I can log in from home in the mornings and get to the office around 8:30 or 9. Your comments are really helpful (thankfully, I missed the rude one that people are referencing). I think that it really would make a difference for me to be able to see my baby during the day, if only for short intervals, versus missing out on him entirely during the next year.

The thing is though that I might have to do a second year of this to make up for the money I'll be losing to rent and possibly an extra nanny in the city. Part of me wonders if not seeing my baby for a year and then putting this all behind me is better than seeing my baby more, but then having to drag
this crazy schedule out for two years. We have specific goals that we are saving towards. Then again though, I might not make it a year if I never see my baby and am in transit hours and hours, with weather delays.

Do not do the commute. Do not do it. It will kill you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think that last comment is necessary, 22:45.
It's just not true. If they are 10 minutes away from work, they'll find a way to organize their lives (with lots of help from a nanny or two) where they'll get a chunk of family time every day.
Let's say she works 7-7. Baby gets up at 6:30. She's totally ready for work by then and has a half hour of stories and cuddling. Then baby takes a couple of long naps during the day. Mom or Dad get home at 7, maybe trading off late nights. Dinner, bath time and more stories and cuddles. That's not that bad. Maybe nanny walks baby in a stroller down to the building plaza a few days a week for a coffee break with mom, etc. All possible if they live in the city.

Oh good, rude comment was deleted. (It was not 22:45, my apologies!!)

22:45 here. Lol! I was gonna say, I really mean it about the driving! It is true!!

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think that last comment is necessary, 22:45.
It's just not true. If they are 10 minutes away from work, they'll find a way to organize their lives (with lots of help from a nanny or two) where they'll get a chunk of family time every day.
Let's say she works 7-7. Baby gets up at 6:30. She's totally ready for work by then and has a half hour of stories and cuddling. Then baby takes a couple of long naps during the day. Mom or Dad get home at 7, maybe trading off late nights. Dinner, bath time and more stories and cuddles. That's not that bad. Maybe nanny walks baby in a stroller down to the building plaza a few days a week for a coffee break with mom, etc. All possible if they live in the city.

Oh good, rude comment was deleted. (It was not 22:45, my apologies!!)

I really don't think that last comment is necessary, 22:45.
It's just not true. If they are 10 minutes away from work, they'll find a way to organize their lives (with lots of help from a nanny or two) where they'll get a chunk of family time every day.
Let's say she works 7-7. Baby gets up at 6:30. She's totally ready for work by then and has a half hour of stories and cuddling. Then baby takes a couple of long naps during the day. Mom or Dad get home at 7, maybe trading off late nights. Dinner, bath time and more stories and cuddles. That's not that bad. Maybe nanny walks baby in a stroller down to the building plaza a few days a week for a coffee break with mom, etc. All possible if they live in the city.

Just curious, what general area is the in-laws house? Is the commute by train, bus, driving? Something to think about is that the trains and buses run on express schedules in certain windows of time. If you work late you could be stuck on a local which would extend your commute time. And if you plan to drive in, well, that is its own special hell.

your DH is on the same schedule?

in the city, would you need help 7-7? working markets or what sort of hours? 9-9? I think if you are close to work you can get your kiddo on a schedule where you get to see her some you'll just need to think it though.

I don't see how it'd be 70K more though... Rent + overtime or a second nanny is going to be higher than that unless you find an apt where you can have a live-in who also makes overtime.

But still, I'd pick the city even if it were 100K more than Westchester or wherever. You'll be happier and therefore more productive at work.

I've done that commute in the NY area. It was 1hr 45min door-to-door. My second day on the job was a horrific rainstorm and it took me 3hrs to get home. It's soul-sucking. I was single, no kids (lived with my aging dad at the time) and it just about killed me. I couldn't imagine doing it with a family. I did it for a few months and that was enough. Use the money to live in the city and buy the help you need. See the in-laws at Sunday supper.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP and I mention the money because we are hoping to save as much as possible so that I can get out of this area of finance in a year.

Your child is only young once. I would not write off a year with my child for money.

I am the OP and I mention the money because we are hoping to save as much as possible so that I can get out of this area of finance in a year.

Why would you even consider that commute!?!

Anonymous wrote:Live closer to work. Even for the $70k. When you are working those types of hours you really can't afford 3 hours of commuting time when the trade off is seeing your child.

I agree. What is the point of working in a field with ridiculous hours that pays even more than big law (according to the OP) if not to be able to afford an extra $70,000 so that you can have a shorter commute and a home of your own?

I can not fathom why you'd not have your own space AND commute 3 hours a day if you can afford otherwise.