Oh well, life isn't fair. I wouldn't be too accommodating.

OP, you might also just reflective listen to the kid before explaining that he's wrong. Probably wouldn't hurt to just say, you're feeling like you're not getting enough attention, is that it? And then explain what's going on.

Children perceive slights that you deny exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older child, now six, has an overdeveloped sense of equity, particularly when it comes to her 3 yo brother. It has slowly gotten better. I look forward to seeing any advice you may receive!

Same here. DD's 7 and 4. No real advice. I've tried explaining equal vs. fair but it doesn't seem like I'm getting anywhere.

We just don't entertain this - my sons are 3.5 and 5. It is always something. I want to get out first, I want to get in first, wash my hair first, wash his hair first, give me my food first, and on, and on. And on. So I just take things as they come - no setting up day to day stuff, etc. I just pick the other kid first for the next thing that day.

My husband and his sibling are in their 40s and sibling still thinks there is seriously unfair treatment happening by my inlaws.

Anonymous wrote:My older child, now six, has an overdeveloped sense of equity, particularly when it comes to her 3 yo brother. It has slowly gotten better. I look forward to seeing any advice you may receive!

Same here. DD's 7 and 4. No real advice. I've tried explaining equal vs. fair but it doesn't seem like I'm getting anywhere.

Anonymous wrote:I still remember when my father brought home sponge candy from the Broadway Market and hid it in his drawer for later. My sister discovered his hiding spot and ate a bunch of pieces, then arranged it so no one could tell. She gloated to me, then lied about it later when we were given equal pieces of sponge candy.
I was 6, she was 8 and I still can't eat sponge candy without remembering how mad I was that she got more than I did.

(If you are not from Buffalo, you don't understand how good this sponge candy is)

I'm from Erie and sponge candy is big there too! So delicious! My parents usually send some to us for holidays since we live out west now.

We had this problem with opening the door, so we made a schedule for the "door helper" - one kid one day, the other the next. You could do the same with turns reading w/ you/spouse, getting dressed first, etc. if you really want to keep up with it.

My kids don't care so much, several months later, but we occasionally have to go back to scheduling whose day it is to open the stupid door.

OP, I think you are investing WAY too much time and energy into trying to make things fair for your kids. They're not going to be. Period. DOn't try to rationalize about how little sis gets out of the bath first exactly 50% of the time and you each get exactly 17 minutes of storytime. You can't keep that up, and you're much better off if you teach your kid to roll with the punches than to expect absolute fairness every time.

Anonymous wrote:Give them their own baths. Shared baths are kind of gross.

Okay, princess.

lol, aren't these the kinds of things said by every sibling since the dawn of our species?

I still remember when my father brought home sponge candy from the Broadway Market and hid it in his drawer for later. My sister discovered his hiding spot and ate a bunch of pieces, then arranged it so no one could tell. She gloated to me, then lied about it later when we were given equal pieces of sponge candy.
I was 6, she was 8 and I still can't eat sponge candy without remembering how mad I was that she got more than I did.

(If you are not from Buffalo, you don't understand how good this sponge candy is)

This is just part of normal sibling rivalry. Whatever my DD has, my DS will be like "why didn't I get what she has?". It's just normal jealousy. You can try to be fair but everyone has a feeling there isn't enough for them, even adults feel this way.

Anonymous wrote:It'll get better. Certainly by the time they are in their 30s.

Hahaha...so true! I am the middle child in my family and I can remember many of these conversations. Sometimes they were warranted, but I am sure plenty of times they were me being dramatic and perceiving unfairness that really wasn't there or not really a big deal since life isn't fair anyway. I think all you can do is point out how you do let them take turns. If it is really a big issue you could make a chart and just point to the chart and say tonight is your night to get out first if you so choose and tomorrow is your sibling's turn, etc. Take this advice with a grain of salt though since mine are 2.5 and 9 months so we haven't hit these arguments yet.

Try setup in expectations before the event. For instance, at the start of bath, say "Brother got out of the bath first yesterday, so older brother gets to get out of bath first today." and so on.