Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:15     Subject: Re:Easter gifts from grandparents
Hi, OP. I am in your corner, and it's my own mother we're talking about. My parents are wonderful, involved grandparents but can be over the top in the gift-giving department. I have to dial them back every Christmas otherwise DC would have twice as many gifts from my parents as from us. I don't want an arms race for who can give the most and best gifts.

It's strange, because they didn't raise me with Easter as a gift-giving holiday but they've told me they have two gifts for DC, neither one of which is Easter or religious-focused, both simply toys. I've convinced them to hold off on one. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your MIL. If so, I don't think it's wrong to have a kind conversation letting her know how awesome she is as a grandma but you don't want your kids growing up expecting a stack of loot at every holiday. Putting those items in the Easter basket sounds like a great compromise, maybe keeping one separate to officially be from her.

I get it.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:12     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't mean to pile on but your post is incongruous and your follow up is making problems where there are none.

For example, if they are so young they won't know the difference between a pile of gifts and $100 of gifts, then they are also going enough not to remember next year that they got gifts. A 2 year old and 9 month old especially.

But then you are going to put them in their baskets? So then by your line of thinking they will expect big Easter baskets.

And you don't know when you'll find the time to open them?
Easter is on a Sunday, surely two adults can find 5 minutes for kids to open gifts.

I know you dislike MIL, trust me mine is no peach, but don't lower yourself to also being crazy about managing Easter as the "Only basket no boxes " DIL or the "philandering pseudo Bunny" or something


I agree they won't remember, but I guarantee she'll send a similar sized box next year, and the year after, and the year after. I'd like to come up with a solution now.

True, they would come to expect more than just candy in their baskets, but in my mind, Easter baskets are part of Easter, piles of wrapped gifts are not. It must just be the way I was raised. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I guess it just irritates me that my idea of Easter (wake up to a basket with a some candy and maybe a small toy, get dressed up, go to church, do a hunt, eat a special meal and treats, call it a day) would be altered by the addition of "open pile of gifts from grandparents". But PP who said I'm now married with children so I should get used to it is probably right.

I don't get the "philandering pseudo Bunny" reference. Can you explain?


PP here, just trying to inject a little humor, I'm not even sure now what I was going for?!
I think you're doing a great job trying to reconcile your Easter vision with the reality of marrying into another family from your responses. You may have to let this go for the sake of family dynamics.
I don't know if you are religous or not, but I try to remind myself that "at least I'm not being nailed to a cross to die", and that helps keep things in perspective. (At Christmas, it's "at least I'm not riding on the back of a donkey at 40 weeks pregnant", but you get the gist)


HA! Your take on this is really great. I am actually somewhat more religious that my inlaws and so was kind of feeling like they were taking away from the "Jesus is Risen" part of the holiday by focusing on gifts. Maybe they're actually helping me focus more on the meaning of the holiday after all?
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:09     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:What does your DH think, OP?


He just rolls his eyes about the gifts and says "yeah, that's too much" but doesn't get worked up about it like I do. He doesn't really care one way or the other how we celebrate holidays (Chinese food on Christmas? fine. No church on Easter? fine.), but I'm more invested in creating holiday traditions.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:08     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't mean to pile on but your post is incongruous and your follow up is making problems where there are none.

For example, if they are so young they won't know the difference between a pile of gifts and $100 of gifts, then they are also going enough not to remember next year that they got gifts. A 2 year old and 9 month old especially.

But then you are going to put them in their baskets? So then by your line of thinking they will expect big Easter baskets.

And you don't know when you'll find the time to open them?
Easter is on a Sunday, surely two adults can find 5 minutes for kids to open gifts.

I know you dislike MIL, trust me mine is no peach, but don't lower yourself to also being crazy about managing Easter as the "Only basket no boxes " DIL or the "philandering pseudo Bunny" or something


I agree they won't remember, but I guarantee she'll send a similar sized box next year, and the year after, and the year after. I'd like to come up with a solution now.

True, they would come to expect more than just candy in their baskets, but in my mind, Easter baskets are part of Easter, piles of wrapped gifts are not. It must just be the way I was raised. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I guess it just irritates me that my idea of Easter (wake up to a basket with a some candy and maybe a small toy, get dressed up, go to church, do a hunt, eat a special meal and treats, call it a day) would be altered by the addition of "open pile of gifts from grandparents". But PP who said I'm now married with children so I should get used to it is probably right.

I don't get the "philandering pseudo Bunny" reference. Can you explain?


PP here, just trying to inject a little humor, I'm not even sure now what I was going for?!
I think you're doing a great job trying to reconcile your Easter vision with the reality of marrying into another family from your responses. You may have to let this go for the sake of family dynamics.
I don't know if you are religous or not, but I try to remind myself that "at least I'm not being nailed to a cross to die", and that helps keep things in perspective. (At Christmas, it's "at least I'm not riding on the back of a donkey at 40 weeks pregnant", but you get the gist)
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:07     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:Ugh. That is just way too much stuff.

If she is reasonable, yes, put some in the baskets--but more to the point, ask her to give no more than 1 gift per kid for minor holidays outside of birthdays and Christmas.

You say chronic over gifter...have you ever told her outright that it is too much?


My husband and I have both tried to anticipate the big gift occasions and have said things like:
- "it would be great if you would give something like a museum membership or tickets to a show instead of gifts", which resulted in the usual gifts PLUS the membership/tickets
OR
- "we are really trying to cut back on stuff, so if you could stick with two gifts per child, that would be great" (at christmas), which resulted in two big gifts per kids, PLUS the usual small gifts

And we've told her after Christmas that we weren't able to open all the gifts that she sent so we had to put them away for another time, which I know is too subtle. But we haven't actually received a box and said "this is too much". I just feel bad saying that outright when she's already picked everything, wrapped it up, and sent it out. I should man up and be more direct.
Or just change my attitude and deal with the gifts.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:06     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
What does your DH think, OP?
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 18:01     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a chronic over gifter. Gift giving is her love language, and I am really trying to accept her gifts with a spirit of appreciation rather than irritation. She sends boxes of wrapped gifts for every holiday and birthday. We just got our Easter box and it includes about 6 wrapped gifts for each of my 3 children. Each gift is small, like a craft kit from the dollar aisle at target or cheap sunglasses. I just don't see opening a pile of wrapped gifts from grandparents as something I want to include in our Easter tradition. We will be having baskets from the bunny and a little hunt but I don't want the kids to come to expect lots of gifts to open at Easter. They are 4,2 and 9months so they dont know the difference btw a pile of gifts that costs $10 and a pile that costs $100. I always go through her boxes and take out things to put away for later, like for airplane rides or rainy days. Is it rude to ask my MiL if she would mind if I put the rest of the stuff in the baskets and say it's from the bunny? I was thinking I could give them one thing from her so they know she was thinking of them, then divide the rest btw baskets and closet for later. Do you think she would be offended? I feel like it's a good compromise but I realize it means the kids won't know she picked all the stuff out for them.


OMG op, this is my mom to a tee. My kids are 10 and 12 now. My advice is take one thing per kid, like you say, but donate the rest. Don't save it. And this is tricky, as her DIL you could offend her by having the talks I've had with my mom--and frankly, don't bother because I can assure you that it will have NO EFFECT whatsoever on the gift load, (but may on the relationship). LOL!

The one thing where I put my foot down is if she gives money, I take it and don't let the kids see it. I have been very firm with my mom (so your DH should be with your MIL) to NOT tell the kids how much money she's given them for Christmas or whatever. It gets in the way of you training your kid to strive when your kid says, "I don't have to worry about college, grandma's already put money in the bank for it," or "fine, you won't get me X? I'll just ask grandma/I'll just use the money grandma gave me"

The sooner you can come to terms with throwing out or donating unwanted toys/candy/treats, the better you will feel. Purple Heart Veterans has a great pick-up service.



You, my dear, have much[i] to look forward to as a MIL! It'll be awhile, but you'll find that you're not in control; and it would seem that that'll be very hard for you. You might want to rethink some of your responses and actions.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:58     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't mean to pile on but your post is incongruous and your follow up is making problems where there are none.

For example, if they are so young they won't know the difference between a pile of gifts and $100 of gifts, then they are also going enough not to remember next year that they got gifts. A 2 year old and 9 month old especially.

But then you are going to put them in their baskets? So then by your line of thinking they will expect big Easter baskets.

And you don't know when you'll find the time to open them?
Easter is on a Sunday, surely two adults can find 5 minutes for kids to open gifts.

I know you dislike MIL, trust me mine is no peach, but don't lower yourself to also being crazy about managing Easter as the "Only basket no boxes " DIL or the "philandering pseudo Bunny" or something


I agree they won't remember, but I guarantee she'll send a similar sized box next year, and the year after, and the year after. I'd like to come up with a solution now.

True, they would come to expect more than just candy in their baskets, but in my mind, Easter baskets are part of Easter, piles of wrapped gifts are not. It must just be the way I was raised. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I guess it just irritates me that my idea of Easter (wake up to a basket with a some candy and maybe a small toy, get dressed up, go to church, do a hunt, eat a special meal and treats, call it a day) would be altered by the addition of "open pile of gifts from grandparents". But PP who said I'm now married with children so I should get used to it is probably right.

I don't get the "philandering pseudo Bunny" reference. Can you explain?
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:55     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Hi, MIL, we just got a big box of gifts from you that you picked out, wrapped and sent to your grandkids. I am hoping to only give them one, and put the rest into the Easter baskets I put together from the Easter bunny. Who is not their grandmother who lives a distance away and is left just sending gifts to her grandchildren on holiday. Who is actually a made up animal with a curious relation to the actual death of Jesus on a cross. You don't mind the switcher oo right?"


OP here. I see your point. I'll give them the dang gifts.


Kudos to you, OP, for being a good sport about the humor included in the above poster's comments and conceding the MIL's perspective! I'm a grandmother and will admit I check with my daughter and daughter-in-law to see what might be wanted or needed (pair of dress shoes, new Easter dress, swim suit, etc). I also include a few other small things that I pick out--some wrapped--and put in a basket--but I live in the same city. Although some of what your MIL is sending might be "junk," I do think it's understandable that she's a long-distance grandparent who's doing her best to think of the kids at Easter. Sure is better than otherwise!
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:53     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
OP, even the Easter Bunny himself would be appalled that you did this.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:50     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:But you want to take gifts she bought and make them part of your gift from the easter bunny. That's all kinds of crazy.


But the kids are little, so they don't know that it's "my" gift from the bunny. I'm not getting "credit" for what's in the basket. Do you think that the kids will get older and look back and say "Man, Mom and Dad, you guys were so awesome because there were SO MANY trinkets in my Easter basket growing up," and then I'll just smile and take all the "credit"? I guess I thought that since she wants to be a part of Easter by sending gifts, she wouldn't mind partly "being the bunny" for the kids in the same way that I am when I pick up the jelly beans from Target.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:47     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Going = not old enough
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:47     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Ugh. That is just way too much stuff.

If she is reasonable, yes, put some in the baskets--but more to the point, ask her to give no more than 1 gift per kid for minor holidays outside of birthdays and Christmas.

You say chronic over gifter...have you ever told her outright that it is too much?
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:46     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
OP, I don't mean to pile on but your post is incongruous and your follow up is making problems where there are none.

For example, if they are so young they won't know the difference between a pile of gifts and $100 of gifts, then they are also going enough not to remember next year that they got gifts. A 2 year old and 9 month old especially.

But then you are going to put them in their baskets? So then by your line of thinking they will expect big Easter baskets.

And you don't know when you'll find the time to open them?
Easter is on a Sunday, surely two adults can find 5 minutes for kids to open gifts.

I know you dislike MIL, trust me mine is no peach, but don't lower yourself to also being crazy about managing Easter as the "Only basket no boxes " DIL or the "philandering pseudo Bunny" or something
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2015 17:46     Subject: Easter gifts from grandparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Hi, MIL, we just got a big box of gifts from you that you picked out, wrapped and sent to your grandkids. I am hoping to only give them one, and put the rest into the Easter baskets I put together from the Easter bunny. Who is not their grandmother who lives a distance away and is left just sending gifts to her grandchildren on holiday. Who is actually a made up animal with a curious relation to the actual death of Jesus on a cross. You don't mind the switcher oo right?"


OP here. I see your point. I'll give them the dang gifts.


Haha! FWIW I have a crazy MIL too


The thing is, she's not crazy! I feel like if she were outside this situation, she would actually realize how over the top she gets, but it's just her way. Her mother is like this too, so we get another whole box of stuff from great grandmother as well...