OP here. I wanted to add. Now that this person has been cut off by the other relatives, THOSE relatives who loved reading the emails have decided to tell me everything they contain. I already don't speak to the person, not sure what they are trying to gain by trying to make me angry towards the person

I don't think they did anything wrong by reading the emails, but if they keep bringing them up and you don't want to discuss it, why can't you just tell them that?

Huh?
Are you sure you weren't the person sending the emails?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to add. Now that this person has been cut off by the other relatives, THOSE relatives who loved reading the emails have decided to tell me everything they contain. I already don't speak to the person, not sure what they are trying to gain by trying to make me angry towards the person.

It's called schadenfreude. They get pleasure from your misery. Cut them off when they start telling you about the emails by saying that they shouldn't waste a minute more of their (i e. your's) time on them. Then change the subject or excuse yourself.

Or they simply like to gossip. Not deleting he emails was like rubbernecking to look at a roadside accident. If they bring up anything related to these emails, just wave off the discussion as "old news."

Eventually the betrayal feelings will fade.

I know someone like this. I read the first few emails and then started deleting them so I did not have to read.anymore. I think everyone takes them with a grain of salt when they know the person is mentally ill.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to add. Now that this person has been cut off by the other relatives, THOSE relatives who loved reading the emails have decided to tell me everything they contain. I already don't speak to the person, not sure what they are trying to gain by trying to make me angry towards the person.

It's called schadenfreude. They get pleasure from your misery. Cut them off when they start telling you about the emails by saying that they shouldn't waste a minute more of their (i e. your's) time on them. Then change the subject or excuse yourself.

I have a mentally ill sister who refuses to take medication. She has been emailing me and leaving lengthy paranoid and bizarre voicemails for decades. It was only me until recently and now she has started emailing a nephew. I think it helps her to release some anxiety and thus is cathartic for her. Although my DH and kids know, ILs have no idea about her illness. I have chosen not to tell them because they have made insensitive remarks about the mentally ill in the past. They are also a gossipy bunch. However, the day will come when my sister gets a hold of one of their email addresses and starts ccing them. I will tell them the truth and suggest they delete the emails. It will be mortifying but there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I try to concentrate on being kind and supportive to my sister by responding with love to every email message and ignoring the voicemails. I also try not to tell her about things I do not wish to become public information.

You can't stop crazy by engaging with crazy, and they were not doing anything you didn't do (you didn't tell where she was when she was in rehab, they didn't tell you she was saying mean stuff about you). You both edited your behavior to protect crazy cousin. can't you see it's the same? Now your relative is feeling free not to have to do that anymore, and you are getting all mad about it.....? smh. Let it go.

OP here. I wanted to add. Now that this person has been cut off by the other relatives, THOSE relatives who loved reading the emails have decided to tell me everything they contain. I already don't speak to the person, not sure what they are trying to gain by trying to make me angry towards the person.

OP here, I did tell her to stop millions of times. I resorted to blocking her emails. She then got. New email address.

I know the other people did not delete because they told me what they said.

Do we have the same relative? What is with the CCing the entire extended family with this very public and very sad meltdown? I don't get it at all.

Well, anyway - to your question. I think you can vaguely just allude to the fact that much of what's in those emails is either fabricated or exaggerated, and that you trust those who received it to understand it for what it is - the ramblings of a mentally ill person - but, if any of what was put in there about you pained your other family members, you would like the opportunity to discuss it directly with them. And leave it at that - if anyone's hurt over these things, you've invited them to bring it your attention. If not, then that's great - everyone was able to keep it in context.

Your solution to the crazy emails was to "just delete, delete." You deleted the emails, rather than asking the person to stop sending them. How do you know that's not what these people did? They might have known just as well as you did that telling the person to stop sending the emails would be pointless, if not inflammatory, so they might not have bothered to do that--not because they believed them, but because they knew they were crazy and you don't engage with crazy.

I think you need to let this go. You feel betrayed, but I don't see how they betrayed you by receiving emails that were sent to them. I can't blame them for not wanting to get in the middle of a situation that they couldn't help and might just make worse.

OP, they probably just did not want to engage with the said relative. I can't really blame them. I mean, if they had defended you, would it have changed anything? It probably would have just pissed off the relative even more. So they probably just did the email version of backing away slowly, which is to simply do nothing.