My mother never said a word about it. I just couldn't take their fighting anymore. I think my father was upset because he significantly cut down his yelling after we started staying in a hotel.

Anonymous wrote:I just think it's weird to be offended by this. Why would anyone be offended?

I could see it- it feels very cold and not very familial to me. BUT and this is big- that is barring many, many of the issues that PPs bring up on this thread, normal/nonhoarding/ nice family with plenty of room- yes I can see why it might make someone feel put off in some ways. Space and craziness issues seem to be the tipping point for most people though obviously

We've been staying with my parents when we visit, but now as a family of four, I think we're outgrowing what's reasonable for us to squeeze into my childhood bedroom. Especially because my siblings also generally are crashing with my parents to be around for the family festivities - last visit, it was 9 adults, 3 children, 3 dogs, and two guinea pigs. My parents have a big house, but they're not a hotel. Their dog was aggressive towards my preschooler in that last visit which did us in - if we were on the fence before, we were sure after that that we're just booking an AirBnB next time.

My husband think his parents would take offense at us getting a hotel, but I was chatting with my MIL just the other day and she was the one to bring up that they're not set up to host us properly but there are some nice BnBs within walking distance for our next visit.

We only do because my parents don't really have a safe" space for the kids to sleep separate from us. There is NO childproofing and LOTS of fragile things - no way could we leave a 4 y/o & a 2 y/o alone without supervision. Going to a hotel will be how we handle things for now. When the kids get older, we can re-evaluate.

For our family a hotel is a requirement. My in-laws are hoarders and the house is dusty. There is a leaky roof/ceiling situation in the gurst bedroom and if it rains there is a drip from the ceiling.

My FIL always manages to cause some type of argument/tension when we visit them so we haven't been back in 8 years.

When I visit my parents by myself - I stay with them.

When the entire family goes we stay at a hotel.

My folks have never complained.

OP here. Thank you for the responses. 20:33 I am in no way "afraid that mommy and daddy will get mad." This particular case is actually a sibling, but in any event I have no fear of anyone getting mad; I simply find it annoying to be pressured, and I was wondering if other people face the same attempts at emotional manipulation.
07:55, I have no earthly idea why anyone is offended by this. None.

Nevertheless, we will continue to use up our hotel points and maintain our space, even at the risk of others finding our behavior off putting...

Happy travels, everyone!

I'm the PP from above and also think it's weird to be offended by this. But my MIL goes through life thinking she is being judged by her home and status, so choosing a hotel over sleeping on an air mattress in her older, 1-bathroom house was still an issue for her. However, she now seems to be more relaxed when we visit and stay in a hotel, so I guess she has gotten over it.

I just think it's weird to be offended by this. Why would anyone be offended?

We stay at a hotel now because my in-laws house is very small with really no room for a family of four to overnight. We used to try to stay there but that usually resulted in was a houseful of people who didn't sleep and we all ended up grumpy. When we first switched to hotel stays, my MIL took it as a personal offense, but I insisted and thats how the visits go. (she takes many things as a personal offense so it was no surprise). It works much better for everyone, including her.

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who opt to stay at a hotel rather than with family in their homes, do your families mind? Do they take it as a personal affront, or pressure you to stay with them? Just wondering if we are alone.

I'm not sure how we managed this, but our families have a very healthy respect for our boundaries. I'm an introvert and need time away from people after an extended period of time in order to recharge - the hotel room functions as my sanctuary. I am polite but firm about our need to stay in a hotel and nobody has ever been offended.

I'm not being held captive to listening to political rants

^^^

This, but it's Fox News turned up to 11 and FIL glugging the kool-aid. Ugh. Maybe we'll spend Thanksgiving elsewhere this year.

We stay in a hotel when we visit my mom because she smokes and it's a difficult person with no boundaries. So nice to have a chance to get away while we visit.

When an adult child makes a decision they should expect that their decision will not be challenged, and that their decision will be accepted graciously even if parents had wanted something different. If adult children are afraid mommy & daddy will get mad, they have not matured, and are probably not respected by their parents as adults. Or their parents are pushy - and in that case, no one has the right to bully.

They mind but I'm not being held captive to listening to political rants while 50 something hippies smoke pot/get drunk and belligerent.
I can stand up, say "all right kids, time to go" and herd everyone away from the insanity.
Also I like continental breakfasts, especially the Belgian waffle station