My ILs are always bragging about our son, since he has excelled academically, in front of DH's siblings and all their grandchildren. This has caused bad feelings in the family toward us and our son, even though we do not brag and our son is a quiet, humble child. Favoritism is poisonous to family unity.

Yes, Dh is the favorite. It's never been a secret and is a running joke amongst the siblings and cousins.

I have two older sisters and a younger brother. I was the "baby girl" and am close to my mother. If I had to pick a favorite, I would say that my brother is my mother's and my oldest sister is my father's. That doesn't bother me because we have always been pretty close as siblings due to moving a lot when my dad was in the military. What does bother me is that it is obvious that my brother and middle sister are the least favorite of my dad and mom, respectively. My sister has had more than her share of misfortune in life and my mom picks on her constantly. It makes for a lot of tension during family get-togethers. The best thing parents can do is to not show favoritism even if they feel it.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both favorites. Nothing gets done at our house, but nobody seems to care.

Hahaha! So true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly my spouse has realized his parents have a favorite of the four & that he is not it. I don't begrudge the parents liking one child more than the other, think it is human nature. We both agree that his parents & the fav are clueless and have a total lack of empathy in almost every situation not just this. The favoritism is pretty mild (compared to stuff I've read on DCUM) but pervasive & does directly affect him. Are you married to the favorite? Does your spouse realize they are? If spouse & parents are clueless, or even if not, do you try to do what you can to make things "fair.

OP:

1. Do you know what the word "empathy" means? A total lack would make them sociopaths. Not very likely.

2. Are you the OP of the thread about being pregnant and the ILs not "on board." If so, please focus on something else. If not, please focus on something else.

1. Are you aware that slight exaggeration is often used, especially on DCUM. Also, are you familiar with the word “almost?” As in “almost every situation” as I stated above and which is accurate from my 10 years with them?

2. No. Seems you need to be the one to focus on something else. You added nothing useful to the thread. Gnats are worse than trolls, at least trolls are entertaining. Gnats, like you, are just annoying.

Favorite by default - I'm an only child, and was completely smothered until I fled the nest.

DH is decidedly not the favorite, although he is the most intellectual and is respected for his advice. That's fine, because my ILs are good people and treat all their children and their wives with loving kindness.

My BIL is the favorite, my husband is the youngest and everyone considers his the baby, the least stable, the somewhat wild one I guess. My BIL has a high powered successful job and showers everyone with money and gifts. Everyone even Dh (hell even I) loves to be around him. He's very charismatic.

I think there are some definite downsides to being the favorite because expectations are high. Everyone expects perfection. My BILs wife is infertile also, so they know they will only get grandkids from us but my MIL constantly asks them about kids.

Anonymous wrote:Sadly my spouse has realized his parents have a favorite of the four & that he is not it. I don't begrudge the parents liking one child more than the other, think it is human nature. We both agree that his parents & the fav are clueless and have a total lack of empathy in almost every situation not just this. The favoritism is pretty mild (compared to stuff I've read on DCUM) but pervasive & does directly affect him. Are you married to the favorite? Does your spouse realize they are? If spouse & parents are clueless, or even if not, do you try to do what you can to make things "fair.

OP:

1. Do you know what the word "empathy" means? A total lack would make them sociopaths. Not very likely.

2. Are you the OP of the thread about being pregnant and the ILs not "on board." If so, please focus on something else. If not, please focus on something else.

I'm married to the favorite. DH knows he's the favorite. His sister doesn't want to be the favorite. It's kind of all fine. I think my in-laws would like to love them equally and are sad she pushes them away so much.

MY DH is far from the favorite, although he is the most dependable and the one who has helped them out the most. I don't think that he even noticed where he falls in the pecking order until I pointed it out. Pisses me off to no end, but what can you do?

DH and I are both favorites. Nothing gets done at our house, but nobody seems to care.

I used to be the favorite and am now the black sheep. My husband has watched the transformation and it pisses him off -- I just find it interesting and totally typical of my fickle, immature parents (who never should have played favorites in the first place).

My husband's mom, on the other hand, never had favorites until one of her sons became a priest. Now she pretty much worships the ground he walks on, which as a Catholic myself, I find pretty disturbing.

My DH is the favorite of his parents and his sister is mostly OK with it except that their Mom set up their trusts so that DH is the trustee of his own and SIL has the bank as her trustee. I stayed FAR away from that issue. On the other hand, SIL's firstborn is the favorite grandchild. Her son is all my MIL talks about. Not interested in ours in the least.

I am not the favorite and neither is my DH. The IL's barely bother to spend the money to come visit us and are uninterested in our children. The favorite son is a fantasist narcissist who pretends to have a PhD and makes people call him doctor. He has a master's degree. I think they hate it that I actually am a college professor.

My parents are into being needed, so they spend most their time with my sister who recently divorced her husband who was in and out of rehab and went to jail for assault. She has four kids and they paid for her house.

We wonder who will come to our childrens' weddings.

DH is the non favorite between him and his brother. The difference in treatment is clear and makes DH sad and bitter.