Anonymous wrote:woman here. when I did online dating, usually the easiest for me was a drink after work. If there was chemistry, could be extended, but dinner was not expected. I also had coffee dates, always felt a little more awkward, not sure why. I had a couple activity first dates too, but you are taking a chance if it is a long activity.

fwiw, met DH online. We chatted only a little online, met up at the arboretum....I had plans that evening, but ended up canceling because after the arboretum, we had coffee, then a drink, then dinner, then another drink......it turned out to be a 9 hour date!

Anonymous wrote:Coffee is good. I also appreciate it if a guy suggests dinner, honestly. Yeah, maybe it seems formal for online, but honestly it's just nice when a guy buys you dinner - brownie points.

I don't like right after work. I'm hungry, tired, and I don't want to have to worry about looking cute in work clothes.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not about being cheap or not wanting dinner. I just think dinner on a first date from someone you met online is a bit much in terms of the formality and expectations, etc. If the first meeting goes well, by all means second date is a serious meal, etc.

Online dating is a numbers game. The best approach is to meet as many people as you can, even if you might not be initially that interested based on their profile. So many people can't write a good one and/or are not photogenic. So with this in mind, you just want something more quick. If I am writing here back and forth over weeks, then OK, we can do a dinner for the first date. But that's not a healthy way to use online dating. It's better to just meet a bunch of people and meet them quickly after making first contact.

But interesting to see how women are reacting differently to this question.

Anonymous wrote:If your date isn't worth a dinner, then you haven't spent enough time talking and getting to know them over the phone and/or email before asking them out.

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I've always thought that the first date from online dating is not really a first date since you don't already know this person. It's more of a meet and greet. It's not like if you asked out someone from work where you know each other and already know there is a connection by the fact that she says yes. In that situation I would say your first meeting is a first date.

So, that said, women, what would you prefer for a first meeting with someone you met online? Many people say coffee or a drink. The problem I have with coffee is that if it's in the middle of the day, I would find it hard to try and flirt in the daylight. It just doesn't seem to be the right setting for a first meeting. OK, so then you either have coffee or a drink in the evening. But when? If all you are having is coffee or a drink, it doesn't make sense to just have that and then not have a meal with it as you are starving. But if you did have a meal, then all of a sudden it has turned into a date. I just know that neither side wants to feel trapped up into something on the first meeting if the chemistry is not there. You don't want to be waiting for your bill in awkward silence while you are waiting to get the hell out of there. Because online dating really is blind dating. Yes, you see their picture and profile, but what is on there and how they really are can be completely different things.

So try to schedule it immediately after work or later in the night after dinner?